I Was the Starter Mate

Everyone in Moonveil Pack knew our Alpha, Eric, worshiped his Mate. When he loved, he went feral. To keep me—an infertile she-wolf—on the Luna throne, he once painted the Elder Council in blood. Stood in front of the whole pack and swore he hated pups. Said he'd end his own bloodline before he let me hurt. Yeah. That was his version of forever. Until my body changed. Then one day he walked into our territory holding a young she-wolf's hand—Velda—and built her a little love nest right next to our home. I asked for an explanation. "My pack needs an heir. You can't give me one." Velda smiled all sweet. The second he looked away, she flipped me off. "Zara, you're fat as a pig. What makes you think you can compete with me?" I looked at her young, perfect face and finally got it. Those vows? Not love. Just lust in a crown. I didn't cry. Didn't cause a scene. I called the witch through mind link. "Do it. Forcefully sever my mate bond with him." If he hated this body so much, then the thousandfold pain I'd held back for five years? Yeah. It was time to give it back. Chapter 1 "Zara, the silver poisoning in your body has already spread to your organs. If you don't do the purification, you've got less than a month. Are you sure you're refusing treatment?" "I'm sure." I stepped out of the healing lodge. A sharp burn ripped through my chest. I'd thought it was an old battle wound flaring up. Didn't realize it was silver poison—crafted to wipe out wolves like us. I made it back to the house, barely steady on my feet. My eyes landed on the old photo frame on the table. In it, Eric was still a teenage wolf, staring at me like I was his whole damn world. Even now, I remember that day. Up in the frozen north, two rogue pups curled together just to survive the cold. He shoved the last piece of venison into my hands and grinned. "Zara, when I'm Alpha, you'll never go hungry again. I'll make sure you've always got meat." I teased him. "What if I get fat?" He ruffled my hair, smiling like it was obvious. "Even if you turn into a pig, I'd still want you. You'll always be my Mate." That promise used to make me dizzy. We grew up as rogues, claimed each other as mates on the northern ice fields. To help him build a pack, I forced myself to get stronger. We fought for scraps beside corpses. Ripped out rival wolves' throats without blinking. I stood by him while he built Moonveil from nothing—until it became the territory we rule now. Later, he put the crown on my head—his Luna. The whole pack looked up to me. I liked human fashion. Every new luxury drop showed up at our door the second it launched. I loved to roam. He'd ditch pack business just to run wild with me. Every anniversary, he went all out. Even after I lost the pup... after they took my womb and I could never carry again— He claimed it was his fault. Told the Elder Council he didn't want heirs. Said just the two of us was enough. The pack swore their Alpha worshiped his Luna. Then year five of our bond hit. He brought a rogue named Velda into our territory. Set her up right next to what used to be our home—and built hers. The Alpha who used to come home every night? He stopped coming home at all. As my body changed, he softened with her and went cold with me. Every time he looked at me, his eyes dragged over my figure like it offended him. "Zara, Velda just reminds me of who you used to be. Don't overthink it." I stopped thinking and rubbed the fang pendant in my palm. After we killed the rogue who used to bully us, he polished this fang himself. Said it was ours. Last week was our mate-bond anniversary. Same day I got ambushed by a vampire. I called him. Told him I'd been poisoned. He sounded annoyed. Said I needed to quit pulling tricks like that. Said he'd come back. I dragged my injured body into the kitchen and made his favorite meal. Waited. Eric didn't walk in until two in the morning. I asked why. "Velda's scared of the dark. What's so special about this stupid day?" We fought. Hard. And that's when he finished it. "Zara, this pack needs a strong heir to take my place. You can't give me one." Right then, I knew. Whatever we had? It was dead. Chapter 2 I bolted from pack territory, not waiting to hear the rest. He didn't come after me. I hid out for a week in the cave we used to crash in as rogues. When the pain in my body got too brutal to ignore, I finally went to the healer. When I came back home, the vase we'd shattered during our fight was still all over the floor. He hadn't been back. I knelt to clean it up and sliced my palm on a shard. Black blood—poisoned—slid from the cut. I just stared at it. Should I tell him? If he knew I was dying... would he even care? My eyes burned. I let out a dry laugh. Forget it. He wasn't the Eric I grew up with. Now he'd just say I was faking it to get his attention. I drew a slow breath. The door opened. Eric stepped inside. A red mark stained the white collar of his shirt. The air shifted—heavy with a she-wolf in heat. Not mine. Velda's. I'd know that scent anywhere. He looked at me, eyebrow raised. "Done throwing your tantrum?" I said nothing. Slid my injured hand into my pocket. I hadn't expected him home. The black blood soaked into the fabric. I thought he'd notice. He didn't. Instead, he scoffed. "Trying something new? You're getting more pathetic by the day." Even after everything, my chest still tightened. There was a time when a bee sting would've had him panicking. He knew I used to be a warrior. Knew I hated crying. Knew I'd swallow pain without a sound. Back then, if I got hurt, he'd lose it. Now? I cleaned my wounds. Alone. Seeing me quiet, Eric eased his tone—but the impatience was still there. "Zara, stop making a scene. Velda's just here temporarily. Other Alphas keep a few she-wolves besides their Luna. Look at you—how much weight have you put on? Compared to them, I've only taken one. And it's just for breeding. You should be grateful." He always pitched it like that. Before he could keep going, the mind link snapped open. "Eric... I had a nightmare. I dreamed vampires were coming to take me. I'm so scared. Can you come back?" Her voice was soft. Sugary. The hard lines in his face vanished. He softened instantly, voice low and careful—like she was something fragile. That look used to be mine. He didn't spare me another glance. Just headed for the door. "Eric." He stopped. His hand tightened on the knob, irritation flashing. "Velda's scared. As Luna, you're supposed to support our wolves. Don't start being unreasonable right now—" "Let's sever our mate bond." He froze. Then the fury hit. "What are you insane about now?!" Disgust filled his eyes. "First you hurt yourself. Now you want to end this. What's next? Suicide?" I asked quietly, "No need for anything dramatic... what if I'm really about to die?" My voice barely held. But he'd already yanked the door open. Snow and wind blasted inside. "Then go die. Die somewhere far away." The door slammed. Silence swallowed the living room. A savage pain ripped through my abdomen—the silver poison chewing through my organs. I grabbed the pain potion the healer gave me and forced it down. It hurt so bad I could barely breathe. I wanted to tell him everything. That a vampire ambushed me. That silver poison was eating me alive. That I was actually dying. I almost took the risk. Bet he'd come back. My shaking hand reached for him through the mind link. Only wind answered. He'd shut the link off. A rough laugh slipped out as I looked at my reflection in the broken glass. Because of the poison, I hadn't eaten in days. I was all bone—ribs sharp under my skin. And he'd just called me fat. Said my skin was thick. Nothing hurts like a heart that's already dead. In his eyes, I'd always be the jealous, dramatic she-wolf. I counted the time. "Eric, this is day one of my goodbye." Chapter 3 My time was running out. No reason to keep any of it. I called the weakest Omegas and handed over everything Eric ever gave me—rare furs, gemstones, all of it. "Luna... you're really giving this to me? This is prime silver fox fur. If Alpha finds out..." The young Omega's voice shook. Her eyes didn't. "Take it. You need it more." I smiled while they carried off the gifts that used to mean honor. Used to mean love. "Alpha treats you so well. He always saves the best for you." I heard the envy. I didn't answer. Just glanced down at the pack feed on my phone. Velda had posted: [It's freezing out, but good thing I've got your warmth to keep me cozy.] In the photo, she was wrapped in a flawless white bear pelt. Eric hunted that bear up north last week. I'd begged for it. Winter bedding. The cold cut deeper now. What did he say? "I'm slammed every day. Who has time for that? And you're so fat—how could you even be cold?" So yeah. He wasn't busy. He just had someone else to keep warm. After the Omegas left, I went to see Daisy. She's a warrior from a neighboring pack—Stormcrown Pack. My only real friend. "I need you to take me to the wolves' graveyard." She froze. That place is where we bury our own. Wolves only go there when they're picking their final spot. "Zara, why would you ask me to take you somewhere like that?" I didn't answer. I just pulled her inside. The old wolf guarding the graves rolled his cloudy eyes and handed me a map. I walked the grounds and picked a quiet place facing the sun. Out of respect for Daisy, he accepted my deposit. "It's for me. I'm choosing it for myself." I wrote Zara on the registry. Once the gold was put away, I dragged a shaken Daisy back to the car. The second the door shut, she grabbed my shoulders. "Zara, what is going on? Why are you picking a grave for yourself? Does Eric know?" Fear was all over her face. It made me think of him. If he'd seen that back there, would he be scared of losing me? I smiled, bitter. He'd probably think I was being dramatic again. "Daisy." I cut her off and slowly untied my loose black robe. The muscle I used to have was gone. In its place—shriveled, dark skin. Over my heart, claw marks. Deep. Bone showing. Black pus leaked from the wounds. The smell of rot filled the car. "I was ambushed by a vampire. Silver poison. It's already in my bones." I looked out the window, voice light. "The healer said one month. Starting today, twenty-eight days left." Daisy covered her mouth. Shock wrecked her face. Tears spilled fast. Her hand shook as she reached for the wound—then stopped. "How... how did this happen? You were the strongest Beta she-wolf." "That was before." I tied my robe back up, hiding the damage. For some reason, seeing Daisy cry for me twisted something in my chest. Almost happy. See? There was still someone in this world who cared whether I lived or died. Chapter 4 A brutal cramp ripped through my stomach. Black blood filled my mouth. Daisy started yelling about the healer, but I grabbed her wrist. "Take me home." I wasn't dying in a room that smelled like antiseptic. I wasn't letting the pack see me like this. I tried to stay awake so she wouldn't panic. The pain won. Everything went dark. Through the haze, I heard her screaming into the phone. "Eric, you bastard! Wherever you are, get back here now!" She took me home. By the time Eric showed up, the healer had already pumped me full of painkillers and left. Daisy was gone too. I lay there alone, swallowed by a heavy black robe, curled into myself. The silver poison had sunk into my marrow. I was all bone, my face the only thing swollen from the toxins. "What stunt are you pulling now? Daisy says you're dying? You look fine to me." The door swung open. Eric walked in, frowning, staring at me like I was trash. My throat was too dry to answer. Velda slipped in behind him, holding a basket of berries. Before I could speak, she said softly, "Zara, are you not feeling well? Did you maybe eat too much lately? Gaining weight can mess with your stomach. I picked sour berries for you. They help." So he brought her to watch me embarrass myself. "What's with that look?" Eric snapped. "Velda came to be nice. You can't even say thank you? Since when are you this rude?" I looked at him, voice hoarse. "Your manners include bringing a side she-wolf to humiliate your Mate?" He faltered, then glanced over me. The loose black robe swallowed my body. All anyone could see was my swollen, pale face. "Look at you." He turned away like even staring at me was gross. "Eating all day, puffed up like a pig. Not a trace of Luna grace left." He never tried lifting the robe. One look and he'd see it wasn't fat. Just bones. "Done?" My voice stayed even. "Then leave." His chest rose and fell. He pointed at me. "Zara, don't test me." Velda grabbed his arm, voice shaking. "Eric, don't blame Zara. It's my fault. If she doesn't like me, I'll go." "You're not going anywhere." He yanked her back, fury snapping in his voice. "I'm the Alpha of this pack! What is she next to me?" His phone lit up. The Elder Council. He paused, let go of Velda, and stepped out onto the balcony. The second Eric stepped out, Velda dropped the act. She walked to my bed, looked down at me, then leaned close to my ear. "Zara, you know what Eric says about you when you're not around?" She smiled, smug. "He says my waist's slimmer than yours ever was. Soft like water. This is what a she-wolf's supposed to feel like." "And he also said..." Her voice dipped, venom-slow. "Every time he touches you, it's torture. Being with a fat pig makes him sick." I went still. Every soft memory twisted into blades, shredding what was left of my pride. "Oh, you didn't know?" She straightened, brow lifting. "He didn't come earlier because we were busy. On that white bear pelt. So soft..." I gagged. "Oh no, Zara, why are you throwing up?" She gasped, fake concern dripping off every word as she grabbed a fruit knife. "Too much fat upsetting your stomach? I'll peel a berry for you. You love sweets, right?" She made a show of peeling it. Then the knife tip slashed straight for the back of my hand. Chapter 5 Before, I would've dodged a cheap move like that without thinking. Now the silver poison had slowed me down. I tried to pull back. Too late. The blade sliced across the back of my hand. Black blood welled up. "Ah!" Velda screamed first. She grabbed her stomach and dropped to the floor. "Zara, why did you shove me? If you don't want fruit, fine—but you can't push my stomach!" "Stop!" Eric walked in right then, fresh off the call with the Elder Council. He saw her on the ground. Thought I'd gone for her stomach. He rushed over and slapped me across the face. Hard. Velda threw herself into his arms, sobbing. "It hurts... Eric, is Zara trying to kill our pup?" He held her tight and looked at me like he wanted me dead. "Zara, you're hopeless! Velda peeled fruit for you out of kindness, and you attack the pup she's carrying? "You're just jealous! You can't carry a pup, so you go after someone who can!" My cheek burned. I looked up at the wolf who once swore he'd protect me. I wanted to explain. I didn't do it. I wanted to tell him I was dying. But those eyes held nothing but disgust. And just like that—I knew. It didn't matter. With the last of my strength, I shouted, "Get out!" "Fine. Very fine." He scooped Velda into his arms and walked out. At the door, he paused. "Zara, this is your official warning. Touch Velda again and I'll ask the Elder Council to strip you of your Luna title. A she-wolf who can't control her own body, who lives off jealousy and attacks her pack, doesn't deserve to be Luna." Their footsteps faded. The door shut. I swallowed the blood climbing up my throat. The ache in my eyes went flat. Empty. After Eric left, the pain—body and soul—made me want it to end. I moved on instinct toward the pack's hot spring. The healer had mixed medicine into the water. It dulled the hurt. Before, whenever I got injured, Eric would carry me there himself. This time, a spear cut across my path. Ron. He was still a pup when I pulled him from a pile of corpses. I taught him to hunt. To fight. Raised him like my own. He followed Eric and me when we built Moonveil. Now he was the Alpha's guard captain. "Sorry, Luna. Go back." He wouldn't meet my eyes. "Alpha's orders. The warm spring belongs to Velda now." "Velda's?" I pressed my hand to my aching stomach. "She's not hurt. Why does she need it?" "Her skin's delicate. Alpha wants her bathing there." His voice went flat. "He said you're thick-skinned. Greasy. You'd mess up the water." "I'm injured..." I looked at the wolf who used to cry over a scratch on my hand when he was just a pup. "Let me soak a little. I won't tell him." Ron frowned, already over it. Velda's convoy rolled up in the distance. He shoved me, like I was nothing. "Leave. You don't belong here. Move, or I'll make you." I wasn't ready. I stumbled and hit the ground. My knees slammed into stone. Pain shot up fast. Ron didn't even look back. He rushed toward Velda's convoy like he'd been waiting for it. That's when it clicked. In this pack—after Eric switched up— I ranked lower than a stray. Right then, I had no one. Chapter 6 In the days after, everything I ate came back up. My stomach emptied until there was nothing left. Not even bile. So I stopped eating. With what little money I had left, I contacted the Witch and booked the Moonreturn Rite for after my death. I called Daisy too. Told her when I died, she was to take my body back to Stormcrown Pack. Even dead, I wasn't staying on Eric's land. I didn't want him anywhere near where I'd rest. While I could still stand, I went into the human town and took a portrait at a photography studio. Proof I'd existed. The day I picked it up, I ran into Eric and Velda outside the mall. Velda had designer bags hooked over her arm, pressed into his side. Eric looked at me and frowned, eyes cold. "Zara, hauling that fat body around just to follow me—don't you get tired?" I pulled my coat tighter. No fight left in me. I turned to walk away. "Who said you could go?" He grabbed me. We struggled. The kraft envelope slipped from my hands. The photo slid out. My face stared back—gray. Empty. Eric glanced down and ground it under his shoe. "New stunt? Cursing yourself to death now?" His voice was ice. "You'll do anything for my attention." I looked at my portrait, smeared into the dirt. My voice shook. "Move your foot." "What, you addicted to playing victim?" He pressed harder, then flicked it into the filthy drain beside us. "Zara, last warning. Don't pull this crap again." He slid an arm around Velda and walked off. She hung back half a step. When she passed me, she leaned in, voice low enough for only me to hear. "Cute death portrait. But..." Her eyes dragged over my swollen face. "At your size, better order an extra-large urn." She laughed and caught up to him. I stood there, watching my photo float in the dirty water. That's exactly how I existed in his heart. Back in Moonveil territory, I curled up on the couch. I remembered a hunt years ago. A branch scratched me. Barely anything. Eric almost wiped out a rogue den over it. He wouldn't eat. Stayed up all night guarding me, licking the cut like I'd shatter. Now I'm dying. And he still thinks I'm faking it. My phone lit up, snapping me out of it. A video from Velda. Eric kissing her. Then a string of intimate bed photos. I scrolled past, face blank. Then the next picture loaded. A hidden cave. Its entrance was overgrown with Moongrass we had planted with our own hands. Our den. The place we survived. Before we had territory. When other wolves drove us out, that cave carried us through every winter. Velda sent a message: [It's mine now.] I ran out of Moonveil territory like I'd lost it. By the time I reached the cave, wolves were already ripping it apart. "Stop! What are you doing?!" I rushed them. Too late. The carved marks on the stone wall—our heights as pups, the tallies from our first hunts— Gone. Every piece of my past with Eric smashed to dust. This was the last clean place in my heart. Now it was ruined. Something in me snapped. I grabbed a stick and swung at them. "Get out! All of you, get out!" My eyes burned red. I threw everything I had into it. "Oh my Moon Goddess... Luna's lost it." The wolves backed up, whispering. "Zara, what are you doing?" I hadn't even noticed when Eric got there. He stood behind me, watching like I was a headache. "Why are you destroying this place?" I pointed at the rubble. Tears finally fell. "Do you even know what this cave means to me—" "Velda is with pup. She needs somewhere absolutely quiet." His voice was flat, like we were talking about a storage shed. "The healer said this cave gathers moonlight. It's good for nurturing a pup." "There are tons of luxury houses in the territory! Why this cave?!" I roared. "This was our home. Our past!" He didn't explain. "Isn't it just a broken den?" Disgust flickered in his eyes. "Zara, you're overreacting. As Luna, you should think about the she-wolves. Pups are our future. You're being selfish." Selfish? I looked at him. Almost dying at his side was selfish. Losing my womb for him was selfish. Wanting to keep the last piece of us was selfish. I cried. Then I started laughing. "Fine." I nodded and wiped my face. "Take it. From now on, whatever you want—I won't interfere." I turned and walked away. Back at the house, I pulled out everything that was ours. Wedding photos from the human world. Matching mugs. Couple pajamas. I dumped it all into the fireplace. If he didn't care about our past, neither would I. The flames climbed, devoured it all. When the last piece turned to ash, I called the witch. "I want to forcefully sever my mate bond." Chapter 7 I kept my voice steady when I met her. "I want the cleanest break. Even if he stands right in front of me, he won't feel anything through the mate bond. And make sure he never knows you did it." The witch stared at me. "Zara, forcefully breaking a soul contract will cut your life short. In your condition... if you do this, the half month you have left could turn into three days." "Three days is enough." As long as I was free from him, even one day would be worth it. She shook her head but honored my choice. The ritual began. The agony of my wolf tearing apart was a hundred times worse than the silver poison. I clenched my teeth and watched the silver totem on my wrist—our bond mark—fade, piece by piece... until nothing. I wanted to tell him the bond was gone. I gave him his freedom. The mind link was blocked. So I called. Again. Again. Finally, it connected. "Oh, Eric... you're amazing..." Velda's syrupy moan spilled through the speaker, tangled with a male wolf's rough breathing. "Tell me—do you love me more, or that fat pig Zara?" "Why bring her up? Let me—" "No. Answer me, babe." "Of course you, my baby... be good..." The filthy sounds filled my ears. I hung up. I pulled out the journal wrapped in beast hide and flipped to the last page. My hand shook as I wrote the final line. [The wolf who promised me meat died that winter.] I closed the journal, set it by the bed, and lay down. Sleep pulled me under. Full moon. The silver poison erupted. My body went violent. Pain curled me into a ball. Black blood poured from my eyes, nose, and ears. My skin shriveled and darkened, like a rotting branch. My consciousness thinned. Through the haze, I saw the frozen north. A snow-white wolf ran toward me, a deer leg in his mouth. "Zara, look! I got meat! From now on I'll give it all to you—I'll make you my little chubby wolf..." I closed my eyes. And stopped breathing. *** Third-Person POV Moonveil's territory was dead silent. Zara's heart had stopped. Daisy didn't make it in time. "You liar... You promised. There were still two weeks left..." She covered her face and broke. No one answered. Per Zara's last wish, Daisy carried her back to Stormcrown territory. Meanwhile, at a human resort, just as Eric reached for Velda, his heart slammed hard in his chest. Terror and emptiness hit him all at once, like something had been ripped out of his wolf. He grabbed his chest and stared at the full moon outside the window. 'Why... does it hurt this much?' The silver mate bond totem on his wrist—the one that had been there for seven years—vanished. Just like that. Eric knew. "Zara! You actually dared to break the bond!" He pressed a hand to his chest, fury spiking. A wolf's mate bond was sacred. It only ended in death—or by paying a brutal price to rip it apart. "To make me turn back, you'd really go this far?" Velda tried to cling to him. He shoved her off, grabbed his coat, and stormed out of the resort. He drove like hell, straight for home, their cold war forgotten. One thought on repeat—find Zara. Now. And demand what kind of madness she thought she was pulling. "Zara! Get the hell out here!" He kicked the door open. His roar tore through the empty hall. Silence. The house felt wrong. Hollow. She was gone—and so was her scent. "What the hell?!" He stormed into the bedroom. The bed was perfectly made, like no one had touched it. He kicked the nightstand over. A bone dagger slid out. The one he'd carved for her when she came of age. Rage ripped through him. She used to treasure it more than her life. And now she just left it? "Even your little stunt is sloppy." He kicked the dagger straight into the still-burning fireplace. Just then, his phone lit up. Daisy. He answered. Before he could speak, her voice came through, shaking and thick with tears. "Eric... can you bring Zara's favorite dagger? She said she had to take it with her after she died. I forgot..."