Tidebound Tragedy: The Sadistic Alpha's Insanity

Grote Mendoza, the Alpha of the Valkyrie pack, has an extremely strong libido. Whenever he sees my body, he can't seem to control himself at all. He's very rough with me in bed, resulting in me fainting every time we sleep with each other. "Honey, can you endure this for me one more time?" It's been seven years. This is my 99th time enduring the torturous session with Grote. Because of that, my private part suffers from severe ulceration and infection. I thought Grote loves me, but it turns out that he's just a wolf who suffers from weird fetishes. I thought he'll slowly learn how to be gentle with me for my sake. But when I watch all 99 tapes that he and his mistress, Christine Henson, have recorded of themselves going at it, I finally realize that his gentle side is never meant for me at all. Grote blames me for not being able to be with pup thanks to my private part's condition. He allows Christine to abuse and humiliate me however she wants. In fact, he even beds her before my eyes. He refuses to believe that I will ditch him. All he does is beg me relentlessly for my forgiveness and promise me that I'll be his only Luna. Apparently, having a mistress spices up his bedroom life for him. But Grote repeatedly allows Christine to humiliate me. She forces me to become her slave and keep serving her until she gives birth to her pup. I've been enduring Grote's actions for seven years. All I get is pain and abuse that keeps worsening in return. I don't want to endure the humiliation anymore, even if it means dying right here, right now. I jump into the sea without hesitation, allowing the ice-cold water to swallow me whole. I'm willing to do anything just to escape from Grote's suffocating love that's packaged as abuse… After I die in the sea, Grote completely loses control of himself and keeps looking for me everywhere he goes. Chapter 1 This was the 99th time I was told, under the healer's disdainful gaze, that my private part was infected and ulcerated again. "If you don't take care of yourself, this will get worse and could kill you." I swallowed the humiliation, forced a self-deprecating smile, and quietly accepted the healer's blunt, uncaring words. I was the mate of Grote Mendoza, the Valkyrie pack's Alpha. His desire was insatiable, and he needed me day and night. But he was rough, with twisted fetishes that involved forcing objects into me. Even when I started to bleed, he wouldn't stop until he reached his peak. "What are you scared of? You're a she-wolf with self-healing abilities. A little pain is nothing." Every time I tried to protest, he would use those words to comfort me. I endured this abuse in silence, convinced that he loved me deeply and that his bizarre fetishes were just a quirk. Over time, he would learn to be gentle. But he always postponed our bonding ceremony and my Luna coronation ceremony, and my position in the pack was very awkward. One night, I came home late. Through the door, I heard soft, intimate moans coming from the bedroom. I froze. The feeling of betrayal crawled into my mind like a swarm of ants. Instinctively, I wanted to burst through the door and scream at Grote, demanding to know why he had betrayed me. But as my hand touched the door, fear like I'd never felt before stopped me in my tracks. Seven years—seven years by his side, and I had always believed we were fated mates. Even though he was the one who betrayed me, I stood outside the door like a coward, unable to find a shred of courage to face him. And so I stood there, listening to them reach climax after climax while my heart broke over and over again. When Christine Henson, an Omega, came running out while shyly clutching her clothes, our eyes met. She didn't look the least bit sorry. Her gaze was filled with nothing but pure provocation. I raised my hand to slap her, but she easily dodged me and ran off. The scent of their passion filled the air, suffocating me. I didn't even notice the tears streaming down my face. When Grote saw me, he panicked. He immediately rushed to me and pulled me close as I trembled and dissolved into tears. He stroked my face, and with the same lips that had just kissed that other she-wolf, he pressed against my ear and begged for my forgiveness. "Honey, I couldn't help it. You were late. If I didn't release it, I might have passed out. Christine is a renowned expert in bed in the pack. There's nothing real between us. I was only learning techniques from her. The sounds you heard were from a tape. "I can't help myself when I'm in heat. You know me better than anyone. I was in so much pain. That's why I… Honey, please don't make this harder for me." Maybe love had clouded my judgment. I actually forced myself to believe him. But when I saw the bloodstain on the sheets, it felt like my heart had been shredded over and over again. He begged me with those sweet words, forcing me to give in. "Trust me. I won't do it again. I promise this is the last time." I held on. But three days later, I found a box of tapes under the bed. Inside were 99 tapes, each showing Grote in an intimate embrace with Christine. I had never seen him treat me this gently. He didn't use those sharp objects to toy with that she-wolf's body. His touch was soft, as if the wolf who had once abused me was a stranger. Christine's eyes were hazed with passion as she kissed him. She asked, "Which one do you love more, me or Renata?" Without hesitation, Grote answered, "I love you, honey. I want to fill you up completely. Renata? I got bored with her ages ago. But I could do this with you forever, and it still wouldn't be enough." Those words drove me mad. I threw the tapes to the ground, even thinking about burning the whole room down. But instead, I sat there, crying so hard my head ached. Seven years of my life were completely wasted. I called Dad, agreeing to the arranged bond I had once been willing to die to refuse. "Dad, I accept Alpha Shane of the Darkfang pack." Chapter 2 Dad was shocked when he heard the words come out of my mouth. Back then, I had threatened him with my life just to avoid an arranged bond with Shane Russell. Now, here I was, giving in of my own accord. Dad asked, "Have you really thought this through? Shane hasn't changed his mind about you in all these years. He truly insists you're his fated mate. If you back out halfway like you did before, you'll really embarrass the Vida pack." "I've made up my mind, Dad," I said firmly. Back then, Dad saw right through Grote's sweet talk. He warned me I'd end up heartbroken, but I was already blinded by Grote's empty promises. Under the moonlight, Grote had sworn I was his fated mate and one and only Luna. I had believed him. But after seven years of waiting, those promises were never kept. Dad had told me that Shane was still there, waiting for the moment I'd change my mind. But I wouldn't listen. I was even willing to cut ties with him just to be with Grote. It broke his heart, yet he still couldn't bring himself to blame me. I looked down at the mess of tapes I had smashed on the floor. Swallowing the sharp pain in my chest, I gathered them up, box by box. I never imagined that Grote—the wolf who claimed he'd love me until death—would be so bold as to record every piece of evidence of his betrayal. Suddenly, the house I had called home felt like a stranger's. I took a deep breath to push down the rising tide of emotion and began to pack. Over the years, I had cared for Grote in every possible way. He suffered from chronic headaches and struggled to sleep, so every night I made him soothing tea. I never went to bed until I was sure he was sound asleep. I knew Grote had twisted kinks. I was terrified of the way he forced those large objects into me, but for his sake, I endured it all. I endured him forcing himself into me without a single moment of foreplay. Once he finished, he would simply fall asleep immediately, completely indifferent to my needs. I never asked for much. Just a little love and care would be enough. But as I looked back now, I realized that Grote had never actually loved me. He only cared about satisfying his own desires, leaving me to heal my own wounds in silence. Even when my private part was rotting from the infections, he didn't care. He'd still use those toys to violate me. Every time I tried to say no, he would look at me with those soulful eyes and coax me softly. "Please, honey. I can't help myself when I see you. Just bear with me, please. I'm burning up for you. If you really loved me, how could you stand to see me in this much pain?" His voice was low and seductive, and his expression was a mask of restrained primal instincts. I fell for it every time. I gave in over and over, enduring daily humiliation. I turned to look at the home we had shared for seven years. Now that a third wolf had forced her way in, every warm memory felt tainted and hollow. Just as I was about to walk out, Grote's name flashed on my phone. "Fine," I thought. I'd tell him I was leaving, say my piece, and put the past behind me for good. But before I could say a word, Grote's panicked voice came through the line. "Renata! I'm at the healer's. It's bad. It's really bad! I don't know what to do!" I didn't even stop to ask questions. Seven years of putting him first had become a reflex. I was worried sick about him. I hated myself for it. He had shattered me so completely, yet I still couldn't bring myself to stand by and do nothing. Despite the struggle within me, I found myself racing toward him anyway. When I arrived, Grote pulled me into a tight embrace. "You're finally here. If you hadn't come, I honestly wouldn't have known what to do!" I had never seen him this shaken. Grote was typically calm and collected. Aside from the moments when his urges took control, he was a steady and capable Alpha in managing all the pack's affairs. But today, he looked like a panicked pup. My heart hammered in my chest as I asked, "Are you okay? What happened?" But then, a soft moan drifted from inside the room, causing me to freeze. "Honey, don't worry about me. It wasn't your fault. I'd die happily for you if I had to…" Grote rushed to reply, "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have been so rough. I'll be more careful next time, I promise." The realization hit me like a physical blow. Grote wasn't hurt at all—it was Christine, and I knew exactly why she was hurt. Chapter 3 Grote's appetite was insatiable, and his methods were brutal. In the heat of passion, he would lose all restraint and push with excessive force. After seven years, I knew the agony of that tearing sensation all too well. But whenever I was injured during our intimacy, I had to visit the healer alone. Grote had never looked at me with the panic and heartache he was currently showering on Christine. Not once. Despair washed over me, and I couldn't suppress a sneer. "Grote, you promised me you'd never do this again." Grote stiffened, but there was no guilt or regret on his face—only a flash of pure annoyance. "Renata, can you grow up? Look at the situation! Do you really have to bring that up right now? "Christine is hurt because of me. You're always dealing with those infections down there. You know this better than anyone. Go in there and talk to the healer. Help me save Christine." A bitter taste rose in my throat, and it felt as though my very blood were running cold. What was I even doing here? My mate of seven years was asking me to save the mistress who had destroyed our relationship. I really wanted to ask Grote what I was to him. But before I could speak, he grabbed my arm and dragged me into the treatment room. He barked an order at the male wolves to pin me down, then proceeded to force my legs apart. "Healer, check her. See if her symptoms down there match Christine's." I struggled with everything I had. I never imagined that Grote would just ignore the gazes of the other male wolves and force my legs open in front of everyone. The healer stepped toward me, looking conflicted, but he didn't dare disobey Grote. He donned his cold, latex gloves and prepared to lay hands on me. "Grote, are you crazy? Are you really going to humiliate me in front of everyone?" I screamed, tears of rage blurring my vision as I tried to cover myself. However, Grote held me down with terrifying strength. I could feel the eyes of the other male wolves on me. Their stares were like needles pricking my skin. "How could you do this to me for a mistress? Let me go!" I screamed. Grote's eyes turned a feral, bloodshot red. "Christine is in critical condition! Stop making a scene!" From the bed, Christine's soft voice drifted out, "Honey, don't be mad at Ms. Bowers. It's all my fault. I just loved you too much. I'm the one who seduced you. "Blame me if you have to. I'm completely satisfied now. If Ms. Bowers won't save me, then let me die in agony. I have loved you, and for that, I have no regrets!" Her words made me want to gag. Since when did an affair become some grand, tragic romance? But Grote was visibly moved. At this very moment, I finally tasted the true bitterness of this poison called "love". I was finally, completely awake to reality. The healer pulled back, and his expression turned solemn as he addressed Grote. "But Alpha Grote, Ms. Henson… is with pup." Outside the partition, the Betas and warriors fell silent for a heartbeat before their expressions shifted to pure, unadulterated awe. Everyone knew Christine was a renowned expert in bed. The number of male wolves she'd been with was endless. Rumor had it she possessed a mystical power. Because of that, she could only be satisfied by truly strong male wolves. And now, Grote had gone so far as to get her pregnant. To think that the legendary male wolf was none other than my mate of seven years. The wolves erupted into cheers, the sound thundering against my eardrums. "Congratulations, Alpha Grote! You're truly the pride of our pack! Ms. Henson's pup will be a warrior for the ages!" "The Valkyrie Pack has a new heir!" Seeing their looks of sheer admiration, Grote could no longer suppress the smug grin spreading across his face. He was ecstatic. I stood there, watching as he gathered Christine into his arms. She leaned into his chest, weeping happy tears. To me, the scene was so sickeningly blissful. They completely forgot I existed. Grote swept Christine up in his arms, carefully carrying her out without a single glance in my direction. "Wait!" Christine chirped. Grote stopped instantly, hanging on her every word. She tilted her chin up to look at me and asked coyly, "Ms. Bowers, you aren't mad, are you? I didn't mean for this to happen. If it hadn't been for your infection down there, this stroke of luck should have been yours." Chapter 4 The humiliating words stung, but I felt strangely numb. I forced a smile and replied, "Congratulations. You should take good care of her, Grote." A flicker of guilt crossed Grote's face at my thoughtfulness. "I'm sorry, Renata. This was an accident, but the pup is innocent. You're going to be my Luna. Surely you're generous enough to accept this, right?" I kept the smile fixed on my face as I looked at him. "Of course." I was leaving him anyway. Whether I accepted the pup or not didn't really matter. "I'm glad you feel that way. You know, if you'd managed to get pregnant at any point in the last seven years, you'd already be my Luna." He tightened his hold on Christine and continued sincerely, "Christine is in this state because of me. I can't turn my back on her now." How poetic. He'd once said the exact same thing to me—that he wouldn't turn his back on me and wouldn't let anyone hurt me. In the end, he was the one who tore my heart to shreds. A single tear escaped and tracked down my cheek. Grote saw it, and for some reason, he felt bad for me. He reached out to brush the tear away, sighing as he made another promise. "Don't worry. My love for you has never changed. I'm just asking you to bear with this for a while and help me take care of Christine, okay?" So he did know this was something I had to endure. But it was too late. My heart was already closed to him. "How could I possibly complain?" I whispered. Sensing the shift, Christine tugged at Grote's sleeve and gestured for him to set her down. "Ms. Bowers, I know you're angry, but please, let me keep this pup," she said, her voice trembling. Suddenly, she cried, as if her tears had been summoned on command. "I know you hate me. I know you're furious. But I… I…" She took a step toward me, looking small and pathetic, as if I were the villain tearing two lovers apart. "I truly love Grote. Please, just let me have this pup. Don't make me abort it. I'll leave once the pup is born. I promise. Just please!" Before I could react, she dropped to her knees with a heavy thud and began slamming her forehead against the floor. I looked down at her coldly. Nausea rolled through me so violently that I had to cover my mouth to keep from gagging. I remained silent. Grote's heart ached as he watched Christine's frantic display. He hurried to help her up. "Stop it! Get up, Christine!" But seeing that I wouldn't relent, she kept hammering her forehead against the floor, seemingly determined to draw blood. I wasn't about to fall for such a pathetic ruse. Sickened by the performance, I turned to leave. "Just say yes, Renata! Don't make this harder for me!" Grote grabbed my arm, forcing me to agree. I spun around, my eyes blazing as I glared at him. "Don't touch me!" I had reached my limit. But in the next second, Grote lost control. A sharp slap landed hard on my face. "Don't push it! Christine is bleeding! How can you be so heartless?" The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. I spat a red glob onto the floor. My head spun from the impact. Even my self-healing abilities couldn't dull the throbbing in my cheek. He hadn't held back at all. An Alpha's strength was more than I could endure. The pain radiated through my entire body, leaving me trembling. Chapter 5 I shot Grote a glare full of pure venom. "Grote, have you lost your mind? I'm leaving. Is that enough for you? I don't want anything to do with either of you ever again!" I leaned against the wall, dragging my body toward the exit. But Christine let out a wail and lunged forward, wrapping her arms around my legs. Her forehead was bleeding, and she sobbed hysterically as she begged, "Ms. Bowers, please! Stay! Please stay and look after my pup! I'm going to leave after I give birth. How is my poor pup supposed to survive in this pack without protection?" Grote's expression darkened with every word she spoke. As she clung to my legs, begging through her tears, Grote struggled to contain his mounting rage. He threatened in a low voice, "Renata, just say yes. Is it really that hard? I'm asking you nicely." Weren't seven years of abuse enough? They were the ones in the wrong, yet they played the victims to force my hand. Before I could even open my mouth to refuse, Grote barked an order to his warriors to haul me away. I kicked and bit them, but against the iron grip of those male wolves, my resistance was pathetic. "Let me go! Grote, you bastard! I hate you!" Their hands felt like heated pincers, and I could hear my bones groaning under the pressure. In the chaos, someone roughly twisted my arm to pin me down. A searing pain instantly exploded in my arm. It was broken. The pain was so intense that my whole body trembled, and cold sweat drenched my back. They succeeded in making me stop struggling. Grote carefully helped Christine up, wiping the blood from her forehead with his sleeve. His eyes were filled with so much tenderness that it seemed like he wanted to become her and bear her pain himself. Meanwhile, I was on the verge of passing out from the agony. The other male wolves informed him of my condition, but he didn't even look at me. All his concern was directed at Christine. My heart felt numb as I let them take me away. Grote forcefully took me back home, demanding that I care for Christine. He promised that if I agreed, I would be rewarded. Did I have a choice? I pretended to agree, hoping that I could escape once he was in a good mood. Christine's belly grew rounder each day, and she became increasingly spoiled. She clung to Grote, insisting that she move into our old master bedroom. This spacious seaside house had been carefully chosen by Grote just for me. Knowing I loved the ocean, he had picked this place just so I could lie on the balcony in the afternoons and gaze at the blue sea and sky. But just days after Christine moved in, she grabbed Grote's hand and said coyly, "Honey, will you sleep with me every night? If not, the pup inside me won't be happy." Then she looked at the floor-to-ceiling window facing the sea. "This bedroom is perfect. I can see the ocean as soon as I wake up. I love it! Can you let me have it?" I couldn't believe how easily Grote agreed. Despite my protests, he let Christine take the master bedroom. "Renata, can you bear with it for a while? Christine's carrying my pup. We can't let her suffer." And so, I was forced to stay in the storage room. I could only move back to the master bedroom after Christine gave birth to the pup. I told myself to hold on and that this would pass, but things were far from as simple as I had imagined. When Grote was busy with work, Christine had no restraint. With nothing to do, she vented her frustration on me. "Ms. Bowers, you're so lucky to be Grote's mate and the future Luna. I really envy you!" She wouldn't let me eat. If I couldn't wake up from hunger, she'd force me to drink swill. Every time, I'd gag until I convulsed. If it hadn't been for an Omega—who once cared for me—secretly bringing me food, I would have likely starved to death. Whenever I tried to resist or escape, Christine would push me to the ground and slap my face over and over again until her anger died down. She even took my phone, so I couldn't contact Dad. Chapter 6 I was completely alone, forced to bury all my emotions deep inside. I obeyed Christine without question, too afraid to defy her in the slightest. But Christine's envy only grew. She resented my background and the fact that I would become the Luna one day. Over time, that jealousy festered into bitter hatred. One day, she kept staring at the necklace around my neck. "That's a pretty necklace." She lifted her chin and said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, "Give it to me. Things have been a bit dull in bed with Grote lately. Those beads will add the perfect spice." I immediately clutched the necklace. I couldn't stand this any longer. For the first time in days, I shouted at her, "This was my late mother's! I've been putting up with you two because you're carrying his pup. But if you touch my necklace, I swear, I'll kill you!" Christine's expression darkened instantly. She rose from the couch, thrusting her pregnant belly forward as she marched up to me. She then reached out to snatch the necklace. "It's just a stupid necklace. Don't act like it's important. It belonged to a dead wolf anyway. Keeping it is useless. Give it to me!" This was Mom's keepsake. She had worn it when she was the Luna of the Vida pack. Back then, Mom was revered by everyone in the Vida pack. She was gentle yet strong, and even the Alphas from other packs respected her. How could I let this shameless she-wolf tarnish Mom's necklace? "I said no!" I refused to let go, but Christine only pulled harder. "You think you can be the Luna with that rotting body of yours? Dream on!" she snarled while hitting me. My already fragile body couldn't stay standing. With one harsh push, my stomach collided with the edge of a table. Pain shot through my abdomen, and blood flowed down my legs. Unlike the usual discharge, this crimson tide flowed uncontrollably. Suddenly, I realized I hadn't had my period in months. Was I… Before I could think further, Christine yanked the necklace off my neck and laughed. "Renata, if you don't mind, how about watching Grote and me have fun when he gets home?" Smiling, she locked me to the cold floor with a chain. When Grote returned, he found Christine lounging on the couch, her legs spread wide for him. His lust overtook him as he stared at her. He was oblivious to the fact that I was chained up nearby. Christine hooked her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "Honey, let me take care of you." She seductively lowered herself and slowly unbuttoned his pants. Mesmerized by her charm, Grote couldn't hold back. He pressed her head down and pushed deeper into her throat. The scene before me was almost unbearable—Christine had Mom's necklace in her mouth while pleasing Grote. Seeing my anguish, she pulled the necklace out and let the beads roll around her tongue. Grote lay back on the couch, looking thoroughly satisfied. I felt like I might throw up, but the lump in my throat choked me. I forced it down, only for it to pierce my heart with a searing pain. I hated myself. I hated that I'd wasted seven years on him. Grote suddenly heard my sobs, and only then did he notice me, locked in the corner. He bent down, instinctively trying to help me up. "Renata, w-what are you doing here?" I glared at him, pushing away his fake concern. "Don't touch me!" My voice was hoarse, and I realized I couldn't breathe through the sobs. Blood pooled on the floor beneath me. Grote felt a pang of pity seeing how broken and helpless I looked. Suddenly, he remembered I'd seen everything between him and Christine. He was overwhelmed by guilt. After a moment of internal struggle, he finally spoke up to explain. "Renata, you understand me, right? I'm sorry. It's all my fault. Please, forgive me. I didn't know you were right there. I tried so hard to control myself. I promise, it won't happen again." As he reached out to help me up, Christine's pained groan cut through the air. "M-My stomach hurts so much." Then, her body slowly began to fall backward. Chapter 7 Grote immediately spun around and rushed to Christine, pulling her tightly into his arms. "Christine! What's wrong? How does it hurt? Don't scare me!" Christine clung to his chest. Raising her tear-streaked face, she choked out, "Honey, it's all my fault. Ms. Bowers seemed low lately, so I thought a simple task would be a good distraction. I just asked her to help me with dinner. "But… But she didn't seem too willing. She slaughtered the chicken right in front of me, and blood splattered everywhere." As she lied, she trembled with weakness. "I just can't stand the smell of blood. I was worried it'd harm our pup, so I asked her to clean up the mess. I didn't expect Ms. Bowers…" Her voice cracked, and she couldn't finish the sentence. "I know I'm not worthy of carrying your pup. If my presence makes things so difficult for you and if Ms. Bowers can't accept this pup, then… then I'll kill myself to atone for my sins!" With that, she really broke free from Grote's embrace and threw herself against the wall. "Christine! Are you crazy?" Grote was terrified. He immediately pulled her back, holding her tightly in his arms. When he turned to look at me, his gaze was filled with the utmost disgust. "Renata!" he barked at me. "What are you waiting for? Can't you see how filthy the floor is? Clean it up!" Christine snuggled closer to him and softly added, "Yeah, the smell of blood is so strong. It's really bad for the pup. Ms. Bowers, can you clean up everything, inside and out? Don't miss a single spot, okay?" That didn't satisfy her. She tossed the sticky, tangled necklace onto the floor. "Oh, I almost forgot. Here's your necklace. Thanks for letting us borrow it." The sheer humiliation left me sobbing uncontrollably. My blood ran cold, leaving me paralyzed and able to do nothing but weep in utter despair. Upon hearing me cry, Grote felt a headache coming on. I couldn't believe it. Any guilt he felt just moments ago vanished under Christine's manipulation. Perhaps trying to ease his own conscience, he said, "Alright, stop crying. It's just a necklace. I'll buy you a new one." "What?" I stared at Grote in disbelief. He knew that was Mom's necklace, and I treasured it above all else. Yet, he allowed Christine to treat it like a tool to please him. I dropped to the floor and gripped the necklace tightly, desperately wiping away the stains from it. "Don't be so dramatic." Christine scoffed from the side. "It's just a cheap necklace. It should be its honor to have pleased Alpha Grote. Don't be so petty." All the accumulated humiliation broke me at that moment. I shot up and glared at Christine with all my hatred, wishing I could tear her apart. Without thinking, I rushed at her. "Christine, don't push it!" I screamed, charging at her with everything I had. But Grote caught me. I wanted to tear Christine to pieces, but he held me down with force, restraining me as if I were a helpless mad she-wolf. All I could do was watch as Christine smirked at me, mocking my helplessness and my inability to do anything while she humiliated me. "Get out! Kneel outside. You can only come in when Christine forgives you." Grote unshackled me and threw me out. Without another glance at me, he turned to anxiously support Christine and checked her over and over again for any sign of injury. I laughed—a broken, hollow laugh. Slowly, I crawled to my feet. The pain in my body made every movement excruciating. Step by step, I made my way outside. The sea wind cut through me like a blade. I stared out at the vast blue ocean. Over the past seven years, we had shared countless kisses beneath this very sky. I remembered that year when he had promised me, "If I ever betray you, I'll jump into the sea." I chuckled, calling him foolish. How could I let him jump into the sea when I loved him so much? But now, staring at the endless blue, I couldn't help but think how foolish I had been. Without a second thought, I jumped.