No Family Discounts You Picked Cash, Now Pay Up

NovelMaster new Completed
Romance 现实主义-Realistic后宫-Harem

For my brother’s upcoming wedding, I spent months designing and handcrafting an exclusive royal sapphire bridal jewelry set for his fiancée, a woman I barely knew. Appraised by experts, the set was worth at least seventy-five thousand dollars. Yet at the family rehearsal dinner, my mother pushed the velvet box right back into my hands in front of every single relative. "Vivian, Chloe prefers international luxury brands. This set of yours... sure, it looks nice, but it's just something you made yourself. There's no brand name on it. She’d be embarrassed to wear it in front of her friends." "How about this? Calculate how much the stones and labor cost, and just wire the cash directly to your brother. Let the young couple buy whatever they actually like." Beside her, my future sister-in-law, Chloe, let out a sweet, mocking chuckle: "Yeah, Vivian, you're definitely talented, but at the end of the day, it's just from a personal studio. It doesn't even come with a GIA certificate from a legacy boutique. My girls have sharp eyes. If they think I'm wearing costume jewelry, it’d be totally humiliating." I smiled. Right in front of the entire room, I pulled out my phone and cleanly transferred seventy-five thousand dollars straight into my brother’s account. Since my love and dedication meant nothing to them, we might as well talk numbers. A clean transaction. From this moment on, family love had a strict price tag. Staring at the deposit alert on his screen, my brother Leo lit up with raw excitement and shoved his phone in front of Chloe’s face. "Did you see that? Seventy-five grand! I told you my sister takes care of me!" Chloe laughed brightly, wrapping herself around his arm: "I always knew Vivian was the most generous! Thank you so much! Leo and I are hitting the Cartier flagship on Fifth Avenue first thing tomorrow to pick out the whole collection. We’ll consider it a gift from you!" She emphasized the brand name with a heavy purr, her gaze flicking dismissively toward the sapphire set lying neglected in front of me. That bridal set had taken three entire months of my life. I had personally flown to Sri Lanka to hand-pick that unheated Royal Blue sapphire from hundreds of raw stones—deep, velvety, capturing the essence of midnight. The pavé diamonds surrounding it were top-grade Belgian cuts from my studio, set meticulously to mirror the arc of the Milky Way. The custom clasp was shaped like a delicate crescent moon, with "L&C" engraved discreetly on the back. It was a masterpiece. A blessing. The most unique piece of love an older sister could ever give. Yet in their shallow eyes, it couldn't compare to a factory-line branded trinket that could be easily stamped with a retail price. Seeing the money clear, my mother, Martha, broke into a broad, satisfied grin and patted my hand affectionately: "Now that’s the way. Family always supports family. You've made a name for yourself as a designer now. Helping your little brother out is just your responsibility, isn't it?" The relatives around the table chimed in instantly. "Vivian really knows how to provide! Dropping seventy-five grand without blinking!" "Leo is so blessed to have an older sister like her!" "Martha really raised a golden goose. With a daughter this successful, she’s set for life!" Surrounded by the loud, superficial praises, I felt an icy chill seep deep into my bones. I picked up my wine glass, drained the rest of the cabernet in one swallow, and stood up. "Leo, happy wedding. I have some urgent work waiting at the studio. I’m heading out." Still hypnotized by the newly acquired fortune in his account, Leo merely waved a dismissive hand: "Sure, go ahead. Drive safe." Martha frowned immediately: "Leaving already? The dinner isn't even over. You're getting more and more disrespectful, Vivian." I didn't bother listening to her lecture. Grabbing my purse and the velvet box holding my rejected masterpiece, I walked out of that suffocating private dining room without looking back. Stepping outside into the crisp, cool night air, I finally felt like I could breathe again.I opened the door to my BMW X5 and tossed the heavy jewelry box onto the passenger seat. It rested there quietly—a glaring, heavy symbol of irony. I unlocked my phone and opened a password-protected note. It held a detailed, bullet-pointed record of every single dime I had poured into this so-called "family" over the past five years, ever since I graduated college and launched my independent studio. Paying for Leo's tuition and living expenses at a low-tier private college for four years: eighty thousand dollars. When he graduated and whined that real corporate jobs were too exhausting, I gave him forty thousand to start a "business"—which crashed and burned within six months. When he decided to marry, Chloe demanded a luxury downtown condo. I withdrew the largest profit my studio had ever made and paid a two-hundred-thousand-dollar down payment for him. The deed was signed under his name alone. Every single month, like clockwork, I wired Martha three thousand dollars in allowance just so she wouldn't feel insecure around her wealthy bridge friends. ... Altogether, it added up to well over half a million dollars. I had always believed that blood came first. That sacrificing for them was what an older sister was supposed to do. I thought my support would help them live better lives and bring our family closer. I was dead wrong. I wasn't raising a family. I was feeding a pack of insatiable leeches. My talent, my sleepless nights, my accomplishments—in their eyes, they were nothing more than chips waiting to be cashed out at an ATM. Tonight's seventy-five grand finally woke me up completely. Good. Since they had severed the last shred of genuine affection, they shouldn't blame me when I started treating our relationship purely as business. Just as I started the engine, my phone buzzed. It was Sophie, my business partner and closest friend. "Hey, Master Jeweler! Family dinner wrapped up already? Did your sapphire masterpiece blow their tiny minds?" Sophie’s voice was as vibrant as ever. My fingers tightened around the steering wheel. A sudden sting hit my nose, and tears threatened to spill. "Sophie," I choked out, my voice thick. "They demanded cash instead." Silence fell over the line for three full seconds. "...What the actual fuck?!" she exploded, furious. "Those ungrateful parasites! Vivian, where are you right now? Don't sit alone. Come over to my place, let’s finish a bottle of tequila." "No need," I took a deep breath, forcing down the storm in my chest until my voice turned steady and cold. "No drinks tonight. Do me a favor instead. Open the studio safe and pull out that natural royal emerald piece I won at the Sotheby's auction last year." "You mean 'Spring Tide'? But that's your baby! You were saving it as the flagship centerpiece for our new collection!" "Not anymore." I stared at the neon reflections sliding across my windshield, every word deliberate. "I'm finding it a new owner." A family that only understood dollar bills did not deserve a single ounce of my soul. Years ago, my husband had been abroad on a long-term academic research fellowship, and his parents had long passed away. If not for sheer desperation, I would have never begged my mother for help. It was during the rockiest phase of launching my brand. Cash flow had dried up completely, and I desperately needed thirty thousand dollars as a bridge loan to save my lease. Cornered with nowhere else to turn, I went to Martha for the first time in my life. She was sitting at a poker table, shuffling cards. After hearing my plea, she didn't even bother looking up at me. "Why does a girl need such a big career anyway? Just find a rich husband to settle down with. What kind of money can that dinky little studio make? Thirty thousand dollars? Do you have any idea what kind of car that could buy for your brother? I don’t have any money for you." Yet barely two weeks later, she called me beaming with pride, bragging that she had handed Leo forty-five thousand dollars to buy a brand-new Audi A6. Her reason? "A man needs a decent ride for status. He can't get a quality girlfriend driving a beater."My heart had bled back then, but I made excuses for her. I told myself she was just traditional, that she favored sons, but that she still loved me deep down. Only now did I finally see the truth: she never loved me. She was merely waiting for her "investment" to mature so she could harvest every penny with interest. That had been the first time I ever begged anyone, and the absolute last. That very refusal taught me that in Martha's house, Leo and I would never stand on equal ground. The next morning, I listed the diamond-accented emerald necklace with one of the country’s premier fine jewelry auction houses. Opening bid: half a million dollars. Sophie watched me submit the listing, her brow furrowed with concern: "Viv, are you absolutely sure about this? You pulled endless all-nighters and drafted hundreds of sketches to bring that stone to life." "I'm sure." I stared at the screen, my eyes cold and steady. "Keeping it with me feels like an insult to its worth. Let’s find someone who actually knows how to appreciate true craftsmanship." Right as the listing went live, my phone chimed. It was a voice message from Martha on SnapChat. I tapped it, and her entitled tone spilled into the room: "Vivian, the wedding planner just called to collect the remaining twenty-five thousand balance for Leo's reception. Wire that over today. Also, they booked the Grand Hyatt ballroom and need a thirty-thousand-dollar deposit upfront. You're a famous designer with connections—call their banquet director and get them to knock fifty percent off." Reading the transcript, I almost laughed out loud. What did they think I was? A personal debit card with unlimited funds, or an on-call concierge? I typed back calmly: "Mom, whoever is getting married pays for their own wedding planner. Same goes for the hotel deposit. Money doesn't grow on trees. I already covered their down payment. They can figure out the rest themselves." Within seconds, an incoming FaceTime call flashed on my screen. I declined it instantly. A heartbeat later, Leo’s phone call buzzed through. "Vivian! What the hell is your problem?! Are you still throwing a tantrum over what happened at dinner? I told you Chloe didn't mean anything by it! You're the older sister—why are you being so petty? The wedding is right around the corner! If you don't step in, do you want my in-laws to think I'm a broke loser?!" His voice was dripping with wounded ego and absolute entitlement. "A broke loser?" I let out a dry scoff. "Leo, you make barely enough to cover your bar tab, yet you insist on throwing a lavish six-figure wedding and living in a luxury condo I put the down payment on. If you're not embarrassed of yourself, I'm embarrassed for you." "You—" He choked on his words, caught off guard. "Let me make this crystal clear: my money belongs to me. Giving it to you was a favor; withholding it is my right. Don't ever take my hard work for granted again." Without waiting for a response, I ended the call. Then, I cleanly blocked both Leo and Martha on my phone and SnapChat. Finally, pure silence. That peace lasted barely two days before my studio's front desk called up, saying a woman claiming to be my aunt was asking to see me. I knew Martha had sent her mediator. It was my Aunt Clara. During my cold, neglected childhood, Clara had been one of the very few bright spots. She used to slip me pocket money behind Martha's back, bought me pretty dresses, and shielded me whenever Martha screamed at me for scoring higher than Leo on exams. I told the receptionist to send her up. The moment Clara walked into my office, she took my hands, sighing heavily: "Vivian, sweetie, why must you do this? Cutting off your own mother, blocking your baby brother... Your mom hasn't eaten a bite in two days. She's sitting at home crying, saying you got too successful to care about your own blood.""Aunt Clara," I poured her a cup of chamomile tea, my tone completely calm. "If your daughter gave you everything she had, only to be told her hard work wasn't 'classy enough' to wear in public, would you have an appetite?" Clara froze, rendered speechless. I told her everything that had happened that night, detail by detail—the design philosophy behind the sapphire set, down to the exact words Chloe and Martha had used to mock it. When I finished, Clara sat in long, heavy silence before sighing softly: "Your mother has always been vain. She cares way too much about appearances and blurts things out without thinking. Don't take it to heart. She still loves you deep down." "Loves me?" I chuckled mirthlessly. "Does she love me, or does she love the money I bring in? Aunt Clara, you watched me grow up. Leo always got the designer clothes, the latest gaming consoles. What did I get? His oversized hand-me-downs. When he barely scraped through a party school, Mom threw a massive barbecue to celebrate. When I won a national design award, all she asked was how much cash the prize check was." "All these years, I convinced myself that if I just worked harder, achieved more, and earned more, I would finally earn a scrap of her validation. Now I realize I was never her daughter. I was just an ATM to finance her son, a shiny trophy she could brag about to her friends." Seeing my red-rimmed eyes, Clara reached over and squeezed my shoulder gently: "My poor girl. You've carried so much." "I'm not suffering," I said, shaking my head as my vision cleared. "Aunt Clara, go back and tell Mom: from now on, don't ever ask me for money again. As long as money isn't involved, I can still pretend to play the dutiful daughter for appearances." Of course, I knew that without my money, genuine affection could never survive in that household. Sure enough, shortly after Clara left, my phone rang from an unknown number. It was Leo. "Vivian, do you want me to get on my knees and beg?! Unblock Mom right now! She’s throwing a fit at home, threatening to swallow a whole bottle of pills to end her life! I’ll figure out the wedding balance myself, but if anything happens to Mom, you're the one who killed her!" The same old manipulation. Throwing a hysterical tantrum, threatening self-harm, using guilt and toxic duty to force my submission. The old Vivian might have panicked and caved. Now, I only felt deep disgust. "Really?" I woke my laptop screen and pulled up the live feed from my security app. Thirty minutes ago, Martha and my "dying" little brother were bustling around with full energy, directing movers as truckloads of high-end furniture were delivered into the condo I had funded. I took a screenshot and texted it to his number. "Nice acting. Don't quit your day job. And by the way—starting next month, you're making the mortgage payments on that condo yourself."

Chapters (4)

Chapter 1

For my brother’s upcoming wedding, I spent months designing and handcrafting an exclusive royal sapphire bridal jewelry set for his fiancée, a woman I barely knew. Appraised by experts, the set was worth at least seventy-five thousand dollars. Yet at the family rehearsal dinner, my mother pushed the velvet box right back into my hands in front of every single relative. "Vivian, Chloe prefers international luxury brands. This set of yours... sure, it looks nice, but it's just something you made yourself. There's no brand name on it. She’d be embarrassed to wear it in front of her friends." "How about this? Calculate how much the stones and labor cost, and just wire the cash directly to your brother. Let the young couple buy whatever they actually like." Beside her, my future sister-in-law, Chloe, let out a sweet, mocking chuckle: "Yeah, Vivian, you're definitely talented, but at the end of the day, it's just from a personal studio. It doesn't even come with a GIA certificate from a legacy boutique. My girls have sharp eyes. If they think I'm wearing costume jewelry, it’d be totally humiliating." I smiled. Right in front of the entire room, I pulled out my phone and cleanly transferred seventy-five thousand dollars straight into my brother’s account. Since my love and dedication meant nothing to them, we might as well talk numbers. A clean transaction. From this moment on, family love had a strict price tag. Staring at the deposit alert on his screen, my brother Leo lit up with raw excitement and shoved his phone in front of Chloe’s face. "Did you see that? Seventy-five grand! I told you my sister takes care of me!" Chloe laughed brightly, wrapping herself around his arm: "I always knew Vivian was the most generous! Thank you so much! Leo and I are hitting the Cartier flagship on Fifth Avenue first thing tomorrow to pick out the whole collection. We’ll consider it a gift from you!" She emphasized the brand name with a heavy purr, her gaze flicking dismissively toward the sapphire set lying neglected in front of me. That bridal set had taken three entire months of my life. I had personally flown to Sri Lanka to hand-pick that unheated Royal Blue sapphire from hundreds of raw stones—deep, velvety, capturing the essence of midnight. The pavé diamonds surrounding it were top-grade Belgian cuts from my studio, set meticulously to mirror the arc of the Milky Way. The custom clasp was shaped like a delicate crescent moon, with "L&C" engraved discreetly on the back. It was a masterpiece. A blessing. The most unique piece of love an older sister could ever give. Yet in their shallow eyes, it couldn't compare to a factory-line branded trinket that could be easily stamped with a retail price. Seeing the money clear, my mother, Martha, broke into a broad, satisfied grin and patted my hand affectionately: "Now that’s the way. Family always supports family. You've made a name for yourself as a designer now. Helping your little brother out is just your responsibility, isn't it?" The relatives around the table chimed in instantly. "Vivian really knows how to provide! Dropping seventy-five grand without blinking!" "Leo is so blessed to have an older sister like her!" "Martha really raised a golden goose. With a daughter this successful, she’s set for life!" Surrounded by the loud, superficial praises, I felt an icy chill seep deep into my bones. I picked up my wine glass, drained the rest of the cabernet in one swallow, and stood up. "Leo, happy wedding. I have some urgent work waiting at the studio. I’m heading out." Still hypnotized by the newly acquired fortune in his account, Leo merely waved a dismissive hand: "Sure, go ahead. Drive safe." Martha frowned immediately: "Leaving already? The dinner isn't even over. You're getting more and more disrespectful, Vivian." I didn't bother listening to her lecture. Grabbing my purse and the velvet box holding my rejected masterpiece, I walked out of that suffocating private dining room without looking back. Stepping outside into the crisp, cool night air, I finally felt like I could breathe again.

Chapter 2

I opened the door to my BMW X5 and tossed the heavy jewelry box onto the passenger seat. It rested there quietly—a glaring, heavy symbol of irony. I unlocked my phone and opened a password-protected note. It held a detailed, bullet-pointed record of every single dime I had poured into this so-called "family" over the past five years, ever since I graduated college and launched my independent studio. Paying for Leo's tuition and living expenses at a low-tier private college for four years: eighty thousand dollars. When he graduated and whined that real corporate jobs were too exhausting, I gave him forty thousand to start a "business"—which crashed and burned within six months. When he decided to marry, Chloe demanded a luxury downtown condo. I withdrew the largest profit my studio had ever made and paid a two-hundred-thousand-dollar down payment for him. The deed was signed under his name alone. Every single month, like clockwork, I wired Martha three thousand dollars in allowance just so she wouldn't feel insecure around her wealthy bridge friends. ... Altogether, it added up to well over half a million dollars. I had always believed that blood came first. That sacrificing for them was what an older sister was supposed to do. I thought my support would help them live better lives and bring our family closer. I was dead wrong. I wasn't raising a family. I was feeding a pack of insatiable leeches. My talent, my sleepless nights, my accomplishments—in their eyes, they were nothing more than chips waiting to be cashed out at an ATM. Tonight's seventy-five grand finally woke me up completely. Good. Since they had severed the last shred of genuine affection, they shouldn't blame me when I started treating our relationship purely as business. Just as I started the engine, my phone buzzed. It was Sophie, my business partner and closest friend. "Hey, Master Jeweler! Family dinner wrapped up already? Did your sapphire masterpiece blow their tiny minds?" Sophie’s voice was as vibrant as ever. My fingers tightened around the steering wheel. A sudden sting hit my nose, and tears threatened to spill. "Sophie," I choked out, my voice thick. "They demanded cash instead." Silence fell over the line for three full seconds. "...What the actual fuck?!" she exploded, furious. "Those ungrateful parasites! Vivian, where are you right now? Don't sit alone. Come over to my place, let’s finish a bottle of tequila." "No need," I took a deep breath, forcing down the storm in my chest until my voice turned steady and cold. "No drinks tonight. Do me a favor instead. Open the studio safe and pull out that natural royal emerald piece I won at the Sotheby's auction last year." "You mean 'Spring Tide'? But that's your baby! You were saving it as the flagship centerpiece for our new collection!" "Not anymore." I stared at the neon reflections sliding across my windshield, every word deliberate. "I'm finding it a new owner." A family that only understood dollar bills did not deserve a single ounce of my soul. Years ago, my husband had been abroad on a long-term academic research fellowship, and his parents had long passed away. If not for sheer desperation, I would have never begged my mother for help. It was during the rockiest phase of launching my brand. Cash flow had dried up completely, and I desperately needed thirty thousand dollars as a bridge loan to save my lease. Cornered with nowhere else to turn, I went to Martha for the first time in my life. She was sitting at a poker table, shuffling cards. After hearing my plea, she didn't even bother looking up at me. "Why does a girl need such a big career anyway? Just find a rich husband to settle down with. What kind of money can that dinky little studio make? Thirty thousand dollars? Do you have any idea what kind of car that could buy for your brother? I don’t have any money for you." Yet barely two weeks later, she called me beaming with pride, bragging that she had handed Leo forty-five thousand dollars to buy a brand-new Audi A6. Her reason? "A man needs a decent ride for status. He can't get a quality girlfriend driving a beater."

Chapter 3

My heart had bled back then, but I made excuses for her. I told myself she was just traditional, that she favored sons, but that she still loved me deep down. Only now did I finally see the truth: she never loved me. She was merely waiting for her "investment" to mature so she could harvest every penny with interest. That had been the first time I ever begged anyone, and the absolute last. That very refusal taught me that in Martha's house, Leo and I would never stand on equal ground. The next morning, I listed the diamond-accented emerald necklace with one of the country’s premier fine jewelry auction houses. Opening bid: half a million dollars. Sophie watched me submit the listing, her brow furrowed with concern: "Viv, are you absolutely sure about this? You pulled endless all-nighters and drafted hundreds of sketches to bring that stone to life." "I'm sure." I stared at the screen, my eyes cold and steady. "Keeping it with me feels like an insult to its worth. Let’s find someone who actually knows how to appreciate true craftsmanship." Right as the listing went live, my phone chimed. It was a voice message from Martha on SnapChat. I tapped it, and her entitled tone spilled into the room: "Vivian, the wedding planner just called to collect the remaining twenty-five thousand balance for Leo's reception. Wire that over today. Also, they booked the Grand Hyatt ballroom and need a thirty-thousand-dollar deposit upfront. You're a famous designer with connections—call their banquet director and get them to knock fifty percent off." Reading the transcript, I almost laughed out loud. What did they think I was? A personal debit card with unlimited funds, or an on-call concierge? I typed back calmly: "Mom, whoever is getting married pays for their own wedding planner. Same goes for the hotel deposit. Money doesn't grow on trees. I already covered their down payment. They can figure out the rest themselves." Within seconds, an incoming FaceTime call flashed on my screen. I declined it instantly. A heartbeat later, Leo’s phone call buzzed through. "Vivian! What the hell is your problem?! Are you still throwing a tantrum over what happened at dinner? I told you Chloe didn't mean anything by it! You're the older sister—why are you being so petty? The wedding is right around the corner! If you don't step in, do you want my in-laws to think I'm a broke loser?!" His voice was dripping with wounded ego and absolute entitlement. "A broke loser?" I let out a dry scoff. "Leo, you make barely enough to cover your bar tab, yet you insist on throwing a lavish six-figure wedding and living in a luxury condo I put the down payment on. If you're not embarrassed of yourself, I'm embarrassed for you." "You—" He choked on his words, caught off guard. "Let me make this crystal clear: my money belongs to me. Giving it to you was a favor; withholding it is my right. Don't ever take my hard work for granted again." Without waiting for a response, I ended the call. Then, I cleanly blocked both Leo and Martha on my phone and SnapChat. Finally, pure silence. That peace lasted barely two days before my studio's front desk called up, saying a woman claiming to be my aunt was asking to see me. I knew Martha had sent her mediator. It was my Aunt Clara. During my cold, neglected childhood, Clara had been one of the very few bright spots. She used to slip me pocket money behind Martha's back, bought me pretty dresses, and shielded me whenever Martha screamed at me for scoring higher than Leo on exams. I told the receptionist to send her up. The moment Clara walked into my office, she took my hands, sighing heavily: "Vivian, sweetie, why must you do this? Cutting off your own mother, blocking your baby brother... Your mom hasn't eaten a bite in two days. She's sitting at home crying, saying you got too successful to care about your own blood."

Chapter 4

"Aunt Clara," I poured her a cup of chamomile tea, my tone completely calm. "If your daughter gave you everything she had, only to be told her hard work wasn't 'classy enough' to wear in public, would you have an appetite?" Clara froze, rendered speechless. I told her everything that had happened that night, detail by detail—the design philosophy behind the sapphire set, down to the exact words Chloe and Martha had used to mock it. When I finished, Clara sat in long, heavy silence before sighing softly: "Your mother has always been vain. She cares way too much about appearances and blurts things out without thinking. Don't take it to heart. She still loves you deep down." "Loves me?" I chuckled mirthlessly. "Does she love me, or does she love the money I bring in? Aunt Clara, you watched me grow up. Leo always got the designer clothes, the latest gaming consoles. What did I get? His oversized hand-me-downs. When he barely scraped through a party school, Mom threw a massive barbecue to celebrate. When I won a national design award, all she asked was how much cash the prize check was." "All these years, I convinced myself that if I just worked harder, achieved more, and earned more, I would finally earn a scrap of her validation. Now I realize I was never her daughter. I was just an ATM to finance her son, a shiny trophy she could brag about to her friends." Seeing my red-rimmed eyes, Clara reached over and squeezed my shoulder gently: "My poor girl. You've carried so much." "I'm not suffering," I said, shaking my head as my vision cleared. "Aunt Clara, go back and tell Mom: from now on, don't ever ask me for money again. As long as money isn't involved, I can still pretend to play the dutiful daughter for appearances." Of course, I knew that without my money, genuine affection could never survive in that household. Sure enough, shortly after Clara left, my phone rang from an unknown number. It was Leo. "Vivian, do you want me to get on my knees and beg?! Unblock Mom right now! She’s throwing a fit at home, threatening to swallow a whole bottle of pills to end her life! I’ll figure out the wedding balance myself, but if anything happens to Mom, you're the one who killed her!" The same old manipulation. Throwing a hysterical tantrum, threatening self-harm, using guilt and toxic duty to force my submission. The old Vivian might have panicked and caved. Now, I only felt deep disgust. "Really?" I woke my laptop screen and pulled up the live feed from my security app. Thirty minutes ago, Martha and my "dying" little brother were bustling around with full energy, directing movers as truckloads of high-end furniture were delivered into the condo I had funded. I took a screenshot and texted it to his number. "Nice acting. Don't quit your day job. And by the way—starting next month, you're making the mortgage payments on that condo yourself."

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