Shadows in the Rain

Austin was a self-proclaimed expert at spotting manipulative women. He couldn't stand my tearful best friend, Chloe. "Her posture is too fragile, her eyes are too alluring, and she cries at the drop of a hat. She's toxic," he would say. I always patiently defended her. "Chloe is just timid, Austin. She's not a bad person." Austin would pinch my cheek, a mix of exasperation and affection in his eyes. "Silly Alyssa. I'm terrified that one day someone will sell you out, and you'll be thanking them for it. Good thing I have a solid moral compass. I'd never betray you in this lifetime." Then, Chloe broke up with her boyfriend. With red-rimmed eyes, she asked if she could crash with us. "Alyssa, you're the only one I have left." Austin pulled me aside, looking deeply frustrated. "Alyssa, are you out of your mind? How can you feel safe leaving me under the same roof as a single woman?" I wiped away Chloe's tears and led her to the guest room. "Chloe is my best friend. She isn't just any other girl." After that, Austin went out of his way to keep his distance, avoiding being alone in a room with her. Until the day before Chloe's birthday. I used a fake work trip to the city as an excuse to hunt down an exclusive, limited-edition blind box figure she had been dying to get. Wanting to surprise her, I drove back through the night. The moment I pushed the front door open, an intimate, ragged gasp cut through the silence. Austin's voice sounded low and hoarse. "Clenching that tightly?" "The first time I saw you, I knew you were trouble." Chloe whimpered, her voice dripping with a sultry edge I had never heard before. "So... between Alyssa and me, who do you want more?" Austin gave a harsh scoff, his movements growing rougher. "She's meant to be a girlfriend. You... you're only fit to be ruined in my bed." I froze in the doorway, feeling as though a bucket of ice water had been dumped over my head. A trail of scattered clothes ran from the living room straight to the foot of the bed. Pale moonlight washed over the tangled, shifting silhouettes. The plush rabbit I had tucked against the pillow before leaving was now lying discarded on the cold floor. "Austin, when I'm gone, let him keep you company instead of me." Austin had gently nipped at my neck in response. "Hurry back. I'm going to miss you like crazy." A soft, breathy moan shattered the memory. I reached out and flicked on the light switch on the wall. Blinding light flooded the room. Chloe let out a terrified shriek. Austin instantly pulled her into his arms to shield her, his eyes snapping toward the door with razor-sharp fury. "Who is it?" The moment he saw me, the color drained completely from his face. "Alyssa..." I simply walked forward, bent down, picked up the rabbit plushie, and set it back gently on the pillow. Then, I placed the blind box beside it. "Happy birthday." My voice sounded terrifyingly calm, completely detached from myself. Chloe's face was chalk-white, tears pouring down her cheeks like rain. "Alyssa, it's not what you think. Please, just let me explain, okay?" Panic finally cracked Austin's composed facade, rendering him totally incoherent. "Alyssa... weren't you out of town?" He tried to stand, realized he was entirely bare, and frantically yanked the duvet over himself in humiliation. "Whatever you have to say, get dressed and come into the living room." I politely closed the bedroom door and turned back toward the living room. Sitting on the dining table was a durian cheesecake. Chloe and I had always loved durian. Back in college, whenever I was down, she would buy a durian crepe cake. We would sit on the bleachers by the athletic track, sharing bite after bite until our mouths were coated in sweet richness. "Alyssa, there's nothing a good slice of durian can't fix." Austin, on the other hand, despised the smell of durian. Ever since I started dating him, I had never touched it once. I opened the box, and the heavy, sweet scent drifted through the room. With trembling hands, I struck a match and lit the birthday candle. The two of them emerged shortly after. Chloe was a sobbing mess, her body trembling slightly. "Alyssa, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry..." Austin rushed toward me, desperate. "Alyssa, it isn't what it looks like. It was an accident. We both had too much to drink." I glanced at the unopened bottle of red wine sitting on the counter. The absurdity was almost laughable. I pushed a slice of cake toward them. "Happy birthday." Then I picked up my own fork and mechanically shoved a piece into my mouth. The creamy sweetness melted across my tongue, mingled with the bitter salt of my tears. Chloe's sobs intensified. "Alyssa, please don't be like this! Take it out on me! Hit me, scream at me, do whatever you want! When you act like this, you're terrifying me!" She sounded so heartbroken, as if she were the victim here. A flicker of anguish passed through Austin's eyes. He reached out and gently wiped the tears from her cheek. Chloe flinched, but she didn't pull away. A violent shudder racked my body; the fork nearly slipped from my numb fingers. I wanted to ask: Austin, didn't you always claim you hated it when people cried? Whenever life overwhelmed me and tears spilled from my eyes, he would sigh and tell me, "Alyssa, crying doesn't solve anything." Tears did work. They just didn't work when they were mine. They were standing too close. The lingering, musky scent of their intimacy clung to the air. I raised my eyes and caught sight of the dark red hickey trailing behind Chloe's ear, disappearing beneath the collar of her silk pajamas. A wave of violent revulsion hit me like a physical blow. I couldn't hold it back. I shoved my fingers down my throat, gagging violently. My stomach heaved, and I retched until I felt like my insides were tearing apart. Disgusting. Their loud, sacred declarations of love were so utterly sickening. So foul. Chloe cried even harder. "Alyssa, it's my fault! Just hit me, please!" Austin dropped to one knee beside me, gathering my tangled hair back with one hand while gently rubbing my back with the other. His palm felt scorching hot. Was it the exact same temperature as Chloe's skin right now? Finally, my red-rimmed eyes locked onto his. "When did this start?"Both of them froze. Chloe was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe, her face flushed crimson. She reached out to grab my wrist, but I jerked away. Her skin paled even further, heavy tears spilling over. "Alyssa, it was all me. Don't blame Austin. I'll leave right now. I'll pack my bags and disappear. I swear you'll never have to see my face again." She spun around toward the door. Austin lunged forward, grabbing her arm. "Where the hell are you going? Back to that toxic ex who abused you?" He gripped her wrist tightly, pulling her behind him to shield her. "Alyssa, don't blame Chloe. If anyone is at fault, it's me." Look at them, defending each other so gallantly. You would think I was the villain trying to tear true lovers apart. Tears stinging my burning eyes, I raised my hand and slapped Austin across the face with everything I had. "I asked you: when did it start?!" The impact snapped his head to the side. A tear betrayed me, sliding down my cheek, but I furiously scrubbed it away with the back of my hand. Chloe rushed forward instantly, cradling his face to inspect the red mark. "Austin! Are you okay?" Austin gently brushed her hands away and pulled out a cigarette, flicking open his lighter. The flame cast harsh, flickering shadows across half his face. As smoke drifted from between his lips, he delivered the cruelest blow. "Three months ago. On your birthday." "The night I proposed to you." A high-pitched ringing exploded in my ears, as if someone had struck me with a lead pipe. I stumbled back two steps and collapsed hard into the dining chair. Instinctively, Austin reached out to catch me, but his hand hovered halfway before he pulled it back. I looked back and forth between them. Chloe turned her head, unable to meet my eyes. Austin kept his gaze lowered, watching the glowing cherry of his cigarette burn down. The guilt on their faces was identical. Up until this very moment, I had truly believed that night was the happiest day of my life. To celebrate my birthday, the two of them had set aside their mutual coldness. They had spent an entire week planning the surprise together. Chloe had decorated the private dining room by hand—balloons, fresh flowers, every tiny detail tailored to what I loved. After I blew out the candles, Austin dropped to one knee with a ring box. A man who was always composed had been trembling so hard his voice shook. Looking up at me with raw sincerity, he had said: "Alyssa, I'm not good with fancy speeches. But I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'll treat you right. I'll never lie to you. Will you marry me?" I had been so overwhelmed with emotion that words failed me; I could only nod frantically. Even Chloe had burst into happy tears for me. Grabbing my hands, laughing and crying, she had said: "Alyssa, you're finally going to have a real family! When the wedding comes, you're walking out from my place. I'm your sister!" I had lost both my parents years ago. No mom, no dad, no siblings. Yet in that singular moment, I felt like the richest person in the world. That night, for the very first time, I got blissfully drunk. Sometime in the dead of night, I woke up parched. The bed beside me was empty. I tried to call Austin's name, but my throat was too dry to make a sound. Through the haze of sleep, I heard a faint, stifled whimper from outside the room. Assuming nothing of it, I rolled over and drifted back to sleep. When morning came, Austin was lying right next to me. In the kitchen, Chloe was making breakfast smoothies. "Alyssa, get up and drink this, or your head is going to kill you all day." I had rubbed my eyes and smiled, feeling so deeply cherished by everyone in my life. To think that during the pinnacle of my happiness... The man I loved most and my dearest friend were doing the foulest, most repulsive things behind a thin sheet of drywall. I bit down on my lower lip until I tasted iron. My face drained of blood, I spoke. "Austin. We're done."Austin's head snapped up, a slight tremor in his voice. "Alyssa, stop talking out of anger." I locked eyes with him. "I'm not angry. I'm telling you we're over." A heavy silence stretched between us as he stared at the half-burnt cigarette in his hand. Then, he let out a low sigh, his tone shifting into something patronizing, almost pitying. "Alyssa, you won't leave. You can't bring yourself to." I stared at him, my heart feeling as if it were being squeezed and shredded in a vice. A relieved smirk actually played at the corner of his lips. "Remember why you became an orphan? Your mom caught your dad cheating, chased after him in a rage, they got into a fight in the car, and crashed. You don't have parents. You don't have siblings. You don't even have a childhood home to crawl back to." The blood in my veins turned to liquid ice. "I'm your only shelter, Alyssa. Chloe is the only friend you have left in this world. You can't survive without us. Don't be foolish like your mother, okay?" Every syllable was a dagger, aimed precisely at the softest, most vulnerable part of my soul. My hands and feet went completely numb. "How... how do you know that?" I whipped my head toward Chloe, absolute betrayal searing through my chest. Only Chloe knew the truth about how my parents died. I had never breathed a word of it to Austin. Back when Austin and I first started dating, Chloe had sat me down with a grim expression. "Alyssa, remember the broken window theory. A girl can never hand over all her vulnerabilities when she's in love. Just because Austin treats you well doesn't mean you spill your deepest wounds." I had laughed back then, throwing my arms around her neck playfully. "I know, I know! You're the best, Chloe. Meeting you was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me." Chloe had smiled warmly, her eyes turning into soft crescents. "We're going to be best friends for life." For life. Thinking back on it now, it was nothing but a grotesque joke. Chloe rushed forward in tears, clutching my arm desperately. "Alyssa, didn't we promise we'd be sisters forever? You can't cast me out! Please don't give up on me!" Looking at her tear-drenched face, I normally would have caved. I would have wiped her cheeks, pulled her into a hug, and comforted her. But right now, I couldn't move a single muscle. I desperately wanted to ask her: Weren't we best friends? Back in high school, when I couldn't afford my tuition, she emptied out her entire childhood savings jar and shoved it into my hands. When my distant relatives tossed me around like unwanted baggage, she hugged me tightly and whispered again and again: "Alyssa, you're not a burden. I want you. I'll take care of you when we grow up." In college, when someone spread nasty, vile rumors about my character and everyone whispered behind my back, she drove hours from another campus, dragged me straight to the campus radio studio, and—despite being the most anxious, timid girl alive—found the courage to demand a public apology on air for me. The floodgates broke. I violently shoved her off me. In complete hysteria, I swept my arms across the dining table, shattering everything onto the floor. "Get out! Both of you, get the hell out!" "I never want to see your faces again!" The cake smashed into pieces on the hardwood, frosting splattering everywhere. Chloe flinched in terror, her tears falling even faster. "Alyssa, please don't be mad... I'll leave right now..." She turned toward the door. Suddenly, Austin reached out and caught her wrist. He raised his eyes toward me, his expression completely hardened into ice. "Alyssa. This is my apartment. If anyone is leaving tonight, it's you."I stared at him in utter shock, stripped of whatever dignity I had left. Austin met my gaze without flinching. "Alyssa, it's the middle of the night and pouring rain outside. Do you really have to drag this out like a dramatic scene?" I took a deep, shuddering breath, spun around, and bolted straight out the door into the pouring storm. The rain fell in violent sheets, threatening to drown the entire city. I couldn't tell if the wetness on my cheeks was rainwater or tears; all I knew was that I had to run. "Alyssa!" Austin came sprinting after me, clamping a hand onto my wrist. "Have you lost your mind? It's freezing out here! Get back inside and stop acting like a lunatic!" I fought furiously against his grip. "Don't touch me!" Chloe caught up to us as well, soaked and disheveled. "Alyssa, it's my fault! I'm the one who should go! Go back inside, I'll walk away right now!" She lunged forward to pull on my arm. Pushed past my absolute limit of revulsion, I violently lashed out to shake her off. "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" The pavement was slick. She lost her footing and tumbled violently to the ground. Instantly, Austin shoved me aside and rushed to her side. "Chloe!" He gathered Chloe into his arms, then snapped his head up to glare at me with pure venom. "Alyssa! When are you going to stop this psychotic tantrum?!" The force of his shove sent me staggering back, and I crashed heavily onto the wet concrete. Rain lashed against my face, pooling around my jaw. Suddenly, a sharp, searing cramp ripped through my lower abdomen. I looked down in a daze. A dark, crimson stain was rapidly spreading between my legs, washed away by the rain only to be replaced by fresh blood. The world tilted on its axis, spinning uncontrollably, and my head slammed backward. Right before my consciousness went black, a single, bloodcurdling scream pierced the storm. "Alyssa!" In the encroaching darkness, fragments of the past surged up like a tide. Throughout all our years together, Austin had picked me up and dropped me off from work every single day, without fail. He always tracked my cycle, quietly slipping heating pads into my purse before I even realized I needed them. He kept a custom map saved on his phone, marked with every single restaurant, cafe, and dessert stall I had ever mentioned wanting to try. Once, a clinic misdiagnosed me with end-stage kidney failure. Believing my days were numbered, I hid away and cried my eyes out. Austin secretly went to get tested as a donor match behind my back and signed an organ donor consent form. When follow-up testing proved it was a clerical error, he broke down and cried in front of me for the very first time. "Alyssa, you're fine. Let's go home." I had never once doubted that he loved me. A faint drop of moisture touched my parched lips. I slowly blinked my eyes open to find myself lying in a sterile hospital bed. Austin sat beside me, his eyes bloodshot, using a damp cotton swab to gently wet my cracked lips. Chloe stood at the foot of the bed, silently weeping. "What... happened to me?" A shadow of intense agony crossed Austin's face. He grabbed my cold hand. "Alyssa... we can have another baby." My body turned rigid. I looked down at my flat stomach. When I placed a trembling hand over it, there was only a hollow chill. A raw, broken sob tore from my chest. I curled into a ball, burying my face deep into the thin hospital blanket, weeping uncontrollably. I had been so close... so close to having a family of my own blood. Austin clasped my hand tighter, repeating like a mantra, "Alyssa, we will have another baby. Trust me. We'll have our own family." The grief was suffocating. I felt utterly abandoned, as if I were the only living soul stranded in a desolate wasteland. In my sheer desperation, I found myself whispering, "Can you two... please just stop seeing each other?" Silence fell over the room. After what felt like an eternity, Austin spoke with quiet guilt. "Alyssa... Chloe is pregnant." Chloe averted her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. Austin continued, speaking as if trying to reason with himself. "Once Chloe gives birth, I won't see her anymore. Alyssa, just wait for me for one year. I'll take care of everything, and then we'll get married. We'll have our own children." Chloe shook her head violently, sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Alyssa... this baby was an accident. I never meant to destroy your life! I'll leave right now with the baby. You'll never see me again!" Austin stood up, walked over, and pulled her tightly into his chest. "Stop talking like that. This is my child too. You don't get to make this decision alone!" I watched them, wrapped up in each other's misery and embrace. A sudden, dizzying wave of detachment washed over me. It felt as though I was the intruder. The third wheel who never belonged in their story. My lungs starved for oxygen. Barefoot, I slid out of bed and walked over to the open window, pushing it wide open. A gust of stormy wind swept inside, whipping the white curtains frantically. I sucked in huge gulps of cold air, but the hollow void inside my chest only grew wider. Amid the dizzying rain below, I suddenly saw my parents standing on the pavement, smiling and waving up at me. "Alyssa, come home to us. We're the only ones who truly love you." "Mom and Dad have been waiting for you." Their faces were so gentle. So clear. I climbed slowly onto the windowsill. The biting wind and freezing rain beat against my skin. Behind me, terrified screams ripped through the room. "Alyssa! No!" I closed my eyes, and without a shred of hesitation, stepped into the open air.