Death Is My Gift to Her

The night Helen Kerr's first love proposes, I stand on the 33rd-floor terrace, holding my terminal stomach cancer diagnosis. Through the glass, I watch the man drop to one knee. They exchange rings, and she slides the ring meant for me onto his finger. I stay hidden outside in the excruciating pain, refusing to ruin their moment. Then Helen spots me. There is no panic or guilt, just pure disgust in her eyes. She sneers, gestures toward the ledge, and mouths through the window, "Jump, if you're gonna jump. Stop acting just to ruin my night. If you actually die, maybe I'll believe you." Right then, the last flicker of life in me goes dark. I look at the woman I've loved for a decade and finally smile. That's a smile of pure relief. I turn and climb over the railing. "You're free now, Helen. Enjoy the final gift." Chapter 1 The sensation of falling was surreal. I felt like a kite whose string finally snapped, free at last from the hand that held it too tight. The wind screamed in my ears, but inside, everything was dead silent. For the first time in the six months since my stomach cancer diagnosis, I wasn't in pain. It had been too long. For half a year, my world had been reduced to the metallic tang of blood and the sterile stench of antiseptic. Every time I threw up, it felt like my organs were being torn out. Every time I swallowed, it felt like gulping down razor blades. To keep my wife, Helen Kerr, from thinking I was playing the pity card, I learned to flush blood-soaked tissues down the toilet and bite down on my hand to muffle the screams when the agony hit. I even hid my painkillers inside an old vitamin bottle. Because Helen once told me, "Reuben Baxter, you're a scheming bastard. Even if you died right in front of me, I'd hate you for ruining my floor." And now, I was actually dying right in front of her. As I hit the ground, a sickening thud echoed through the night. The agony lasted only a second. It was immediately replaced by an endless, numbing cold. Blood spilled from my body, staining the pure white snow like the intricate patterns on the expensive rug inside. With eyes wide open, I stared up at the pitch-black sky. Snowflakes landed on my eyelashes, cool and quiet. So, this is what dying felt like. There was no terror, only relief. I looked down at my twisted limbs, at the terrifying pool of red beneath me, and forced my lips into a faint smile. "Helen, congratulations on your engagement to your precious Austin," I thought. I didn't have much to give. I hoped she would consider my life my final gift. From tonight onward, she wouldn't have to worry about me checking her phone, spiking her beloved first love's drink, or holding on to the title as her husband. I would be dead. The Reuben Baxter she hated for three long years had finally gotten out of her life for good. Before my consciousness faded completely, I thought I heard cheers drifting out from the ballroom. "Kiss her! Kiss her!" It sounded like a great party. At the very end, I thought I saw Helen's cold, beautiful face. But this time, she wasn't frowning at me anymore. I died. Yet, somehow, I didn't completely disappear. My soul floated up into the air, looking down at the broken corpse slumped in the corner of the garden. The snow fell harder now, quickly burying the dark crimson and building a small white mound over me. This was the hotel's backyard, tucked away from the main area. With the ballroom's music blasting in the distance, not a single person noticed that someone had just died here. I wanted to float back down and pull a blanket over my body. It was so cold, and I always hated the cold. Chapter 2 Helen used to know that. Back when we were first married, the heat broke during a freezing winter night. She had stayed pressed against my chest all night, using her warmth to thaw my freezing hands and feet. But when her first love, Austin Rogers, came back, everything changed. ... I pulled back my translucent hand and floated toward the glittering ballroom. Under the grand crystal chandelier, champagne pyramids sparkled. Helen wore an elegant black evening gown, leaning softly against Austin, who looked sharp in a bespoke white suit. They looked like a match made in heaven. Austin smiled with graceful polish and raised his glass. "Thank you all for coming to our engagement party tonight. It hasn't been an easy road, and I'm deeply grateful to Helen for never giving up on me." Helen looked up at him, her eyes dripping with affection. "Don't be silly. I should be the one thanking you for coming back to me." The room burst into thunderous applause. Everyone looked at them with envy and praised the picture-perfect couple. Nobody remembered that somewhere else in this city, a man named Reuben Baxter was Helen's lawful husband. Or rather, ex-husband. Just yesterday, she slammed the divorce papers in my face and demanded I leave with nothing. Before I could even sign them, she dragged me to tonight's party. She had said, "Reuben, I want you to watch with your own eyes as I hand everything that was yours right back to Austin." Now, she had done it. "By the way, Ms. Kerr, where's Mr. Baxter?" someone in the crowd suddenly asked. "Isn't he here to offer his congratulations on such an important night?" The air froze for a second. The tenderness on Helen's face vanished instantly, replaced by a wave of cold annoyance. "Why bring him up?" She took a sip of champagne and replied coldly, "He's probably off sulking with a drink in some corner or pulling another sob story to gain sympathy. It's a miracle he hasn't ruined the mood yet." Austin put on a worried look right on cue and gently tugged at Helen's sleeve. "Helen, don't talk about Reuben like that. He's loved you for so many years after all. "I think I saw him out on the terrace earlier getting fresh air, wearing barely anything. Maybe we should have someone call him inside? He might catch a cold." "A cold?" Helen sneered. "He's built like a horse. The last time he tried to stop me from seeing you, he jumped into a freezing pool and stayed there for an hour. The next day, he was right back at the office raising hell. Men like him don't die easily." I floated in front of Helen, watching those cold lips open and close. I wanted to scream at her, "Helen, I wasn't pretending. After the pool, I ran a fever for a whole week and ended up with pneumonia. And I'm dead now. Really dead this time. I'll never raise hell again." But no sound came out. My explanations and pain meant nothing to her when I was alive. Now that I was dead, she couldn't hear them as well. "We should still check on him." Austin insisted on playing the good guy. "It'd ruin the whole night if anything actually happened." Helen frowned. Just to indulge Austin, she reluctantly signaled a waiter over. "Go check the terrace and see what that lunatic is doing. Tell him if he wants to drop dead, do it somewhere far away so he doesn't dirty my place." The waiter nodded and walked off. As I watched his retreating back, a strange spark of hope flickered inside me. I just wished he would find me soon and give me the dignity of a proper body bag. Chapter 3 It didn't take long for the waiter to return. He looked visibly flustered, though he quickly forced himself to regain composure after catching Helen's darkened expression. "Ms. Kerr… There's no one on the terrace." "No one?" Helen's brow furrowed tight. "He ran off?" "He must have left," the waiter replied, keeping his head down. He didn't dare mention the single leather shoe left behind on the terrace, nor did he mention how strange the disturbed snow beneath the railing looked. It was better to avoid unnecessary trouble. Who would want to ruin the happy occasion for the boss? "Good riddance." Helen let out a breath of relief, a flicker of disdain crossing her eyes. "I knew he was just putting on a show. He acted like he was on the brink of death one second, then vanished the next. A man full of lies like him really disgusts me." Austin exhaled too, patting his chest. "I'm just glad he left. I was genuinely worried he might do something reckless." "Reckless? Him?" Helen sneered, slipping her arm through Austin's. "He loves his life more than anyone. He would stop at nothing to gain wealth and the title of my husband. Don't worry. Even if the rest of the world dropped dead, he'd still cling to life." My heart felt as if it were being crushed by an invisible hand. Even though it had stopped beating, the suffocating pain still made me want to curl up. So, in her eyes, I was just a money-hungry coward. Had she forgotten that she was the one who begged me to marry her? She had stood outside my apartment all night in a snowstorm, swearing that I was the one she loved most. Those vows sound like nothing more than a cruel joke now. The party went on. A massive three-tiered cake was wheeled out. Helen held Austin's hand as they sliced into it together. The heavy scent of sweet frosting filled the air. I floated beside the cake and stared at the delicate pair of sugar figurines on top. They really did look just like them. For the past six months, stomach cancer had robbed me of the ability to eat almost anything. I had been surviving strictly on IV fluids. I couldn't even remember what cake tasted like anymore. I reached out my hand, wanting to scoop up just a tiny taste of cream. My fingers passed straight through the frosting, creating nothing more than a weak current of air. I couldn't even have a single bite of sweetness. Disappointed, I pulled my hand back and crouched beneath the table, wrapping my arms around my transparent knees. "It's fine. It's not like… I can feel hungry anymore. It really… doesn't matter." I repeated it to myself over and over. Yet, tears still managed to fall. Could ghosts cry too? If so, they must be the bitterest tears in the world. Late into the night, the guests finally dispersed. Helen brought Austin back to the mansion that was once ours but now belonged to them. The place was once a home I had decorated piece by piece. The beige curtains I chose, the pothos plants I nursed, and the matching couple's slippers I bought were all gone. The entryway was replaced with the rug Austin preferred, and the living room was filled with his favorite lilies—flowers I was deathly allergic to, which had never been allowed in our house before. "Helen, I'm so happy tonight," Austin whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist. "But… We still haven't heard from Reuben. I'm still a little worried. His phone goes straight to voicemail. What if something actually happened to him?" Helen's hand paused as she unclasped her necklace. Then, she scoffed. "What could possibly happen to him? He's probably hiding out in some hotel right now, scheming how to leak things to the press and extort me for cash. "Just ignore him. Tomorrow, I'll have the lawyers file for divorce. Since he chose to make things difficult, he can't blame me for showing no mercy." Showing no mercy? Since when had she shown me any mercy? Chapter 4 For three long years, I drank myself to a stomach hemorrhage just to help Helen win that multinational contract. When her father fell ill, I stayed by his hospital bed for half a month, never leaving his side. To give her peace of mind at work, I put up with her father's impossible demands and turned a blind eye to all the rumors. Even after I was diagnosed with cancer, I kept it from everyone and endured chemotherapy completely alone just so I wouldn't distract her. When my hair fell out in clumps, I bought a wig to hide it. When I was reduced to skin and bones, I wore oversized clothes to cover it up. Yet in Helen's eyes, every bit of it was just proof of how calculating and manipulative I was. Helen picked up her phone, looking like she wanted to make a call, but her finger hovered over the screen for a long time before she tossed it aside in frustration. "Forget him. I'm going to take a shower." She turned and headed into the bathroom. The sound of running water filled the room. Austin sat alone on the couch. The sweet, submissive act vanished from his face in an instant. He pulled out his phone and typed out a quick message, "It's done. The idiot was probably fuming tonight. As long as he loses his cool and makes one more scene, Helen will be completely done with him. Then, I'll replace him as her husband." He smiled triumphantly after hitting send. Reaching over, he casually picked up a pill bottle from the coffee table. It was the high-potency painkillers I had forgotten to take with me before I left. "What's this?" Austin opened the cap out of curiosity, poured out a white pill, and sniffed it. "Vitamins? Ha, how weak is this guy to be popping this many vitamins?" He tossed the bottle into the trash with disgust. A sharp rattle echoed. My lifesaving medication was left sitting among banana peel and discarded paper. I floated beside the trash can, staring down at the bottle. I wanted to pick it up. The doctor had gone through a lot of trouble to get them for me. One pill could keep the pain away for four hours. Even though I couldn't feel pain anymore, I still couldn't bear to see it thrown away. That was my life. I reached out to grab it. I tried once, twice, then a third time, but my hand passed right through every time. I collapsed onto the floor, staring blankly at the bottle. Helen stepped out of the bathroom after her shower and saw Austin packing up some things. "What are you doing?" "I noticed a few things here… Look like they belong to Reuben. I thought I'd pack them away so you wouldn't have to look at them and get upset." Austin was holding a photo album in his hands. It was our wedding album. In the photos, I wore a sharp suit, my face radiant with happiness. Even though Helen had a faint expression, the affection in her eyes was impossible to hide. When Helen saw the album, her gaze went blank for a brief moment. Then, she strode over and snatched it out of his hands. I thought she was going to keep it. Instead, she walked straight to the fireplace and threw her arm forward. The album fell into the fire. The flames instantly consumed the smiling version of me in the picture. "Good riddance," Helen said, her voice as cold as ice. "I was blind back then to think he was simple and kind. Keeping these things around only reminds me of how stupid I was." The firelight flickered across her face, casting alternating shadows. I watched myself turn into ash, piece by piece, in the flames. The very last shred of longing inside me burned away along with that fire. It wasn't just the photos Helen burned. It was the ten years I spent loving her. Let them burn. She could burn every last bit of those years. That way, I could leave completely clean, with nothing left holding me back. The next morning, I was woken up by a sharp, persistent phone ring. Ghosts didn't need sleep, but I still habitually rested with my eyes closed. Helen was woken up by the call and answered with a face full of anger, "Who is this? Don't you know it's barely morning?" I couldn't hear what the person on the other end was saying, but Helen's expression changed instantly—from anger to shock and finally to a pale white. The phone slipped from her hand and hit the floor with a loud thud. "Helen, what's wrong?" Austin was startled awake. He sat up, rubbing his eyes in confusion. Helen ignored him completely. As if she had lost her soul, she turned around stiffly and stared out the floor-to-ceiling window at the vast, white world outside. It took a long time before she let out a voice that was parched to the extreme. "The police said… They found a man's body… in the hotel's backyard. The build and the clothes… all look like Reuben's."