Fairness Ruined My Life

Having grown up with her parents favoring her brother over her, my mother hates it when parents don't treat their children equally. For as long as I can remember, our family has operated by pursuing equality over everything else. When my older twin sister, Cheryl Moore, fails to make the final round of a competition, I'm forced to withdraw even though I've been chosen. Even though my shoe size is smaller than Cheryl's, our parents insist on buying the same size for both of us. When Cheryl falls sick, I'm forced to take the same medication even though I'm not sick. Then the SATs come along. I can't help but do my best and net a great score. Instead of doing as Mom and Dad demanded and applying to the local community college with Cheryl, I decide to try for Shinefield University, one of the top universities in the country. Mom and Dad think I broke the family rules, so they start holding me in contempt and rebuke me no matter what I do. Only when I agree to apply to the community college does their attitude toward me improve. On my 19th birthday, I end up in the emergency room. The doctor shows me my medical test results. They indicate that my health is in critical condition. I call Mom ten times before she finally answers. As soon as she does, however, she snaps at me, "Get to the point. I'm busy celebrating Cheryl's birthday with her." Enduring the pain, I force out the words. "Mom, I'm at the hospital. The doctor says I need to pay 10,000 dollars as a deposit before—" Mom cuts me off. "The nerve of you to ask for so much money! Throughout all these years, no matter how many times Cheryl has seen the doctor for her various pains and ailments, she has never spent more than 5,000 dollars! How dare you ask for 10,000 just like that? "You know what? I think you're not sick at all. You're faking this because you still want to go to school out of state, aren't you? "If you're really sick, prove it. I dare you to drop dead in front of your dad and me!" As I clutch the medical report that clearly states I have pancreatic cancer, my eyes turn red. So they're still mad at me for applying to a university of my choice. They think I'm lying. The call cuts off. But, Mom, Dad, if I don't get treatment in time, I'm going to die. Chapter 1 As soon as I got home, Mom shot up and walked toward me. Frowning, she gave me a once-over. "I don't see any missing limbs. You look perfectly fine to me," she said with an exasperated sigh. "What's this nonsense about you having cancer? If you were going to lie, Cassie, you should've at least come up with something more believable. "Now hurry up and wash your hands. Don't bring any germs into the house. I don't know what's wrong with you anyway. You spend all your time coming up with the most ridiculous things." I tried to give Mom the medical report with my diagnosis. Pulling it out of my pocket, I said, "Mom, take a look at this—" "Mom, come quick! Check out this video. It's hilarious!" My older twin sister, Cheryl Moore, waved at Mom from the couch. Mom immediately pushed my hand aside and hurried over to Cheryl. "I'm coming. What's so hilarious?" My hand hung in the air. Mom chuckled along with Cheryl for a while before finally remembering me. She pointed toward the dining table. "I'm not playing favorites. I took Cheryl out to eat, but I didn't forget to save half of the food for you." I looked toward the dining table and saw a plate of leftover seafood, mostly half-eaten. Dumped next to the seafood was part of a cake that looked like it'd been hacked into haphazardly. My abdomen started cramping again. I was allergic to seafood. Every time I ate it, I would break out in hives all over. The itching was unbearable. However, Cheryl loved seafood, and in a show of fairness, Mom would always make some every few days. She would tell me she was just using desensitization therapy to help with my seafood allergy. It didn't matter how many times I explained that a seafood allergy couldn't be overcome with just a few additional meals of seafood. Mom and Dad firmly believed I was just using that as an excuse to refuse to go along with the rest of the family—that I was willfully trying to break their rule of equality. When Mom noticed that I hadn't moved, she urged me, "Hurry up and eat! Some of the seafood is raw. If you leave it out too long, it'll go bad." I had no choice but to leave the seafood untouched and gingerly serve myself a slice of cake that didn't touch any of it. The moment I took the first bite, a strange taste filled my mouth. I couldn't resist spitting it all out. A greenish worm wriggled around in the piece of cake I spat out. Hearing the commotion, Mom came over and took a look. "Oh, dear! Why did I forget to pick out the worm? I didn't think it'd get into the cake. We spotted the worm when we left the house this morning. Cheryl thought it looked quite adorable. "In the spirit of fairness, we wanted to make sure you got to see the cute little worm, too, so I kept it in my bag to bring it home to you. "Who would've thought it would climb into the cake? But anyway, why are you overreacting like that?" Cheryl doubled over laughing. "Hahaha! You're such a scaredy-cat, Cassie! Don't you think this worm is adorable?" I stared at her cheerful, breezy expression. Honestly, I wanted to question them on whether fairness truly looked like this. Nevertheless, even though the words were on the tip of my tongue, I stayed silent. I'd tried arguing with them before. It always ended with Mom and Dad thinking I was rebelling against their teaching and deliberately kicking up a fuss. All I ever got was Dad punishing me while Mom sighed beside him. Once Cheryl was done laughing, she came closer and eyed me. "It's our birthday today. Do you have any birthday wishes?" "I want to see the ocean," I replied without hesitation. She pursed her lips. "What's so great about seeing the ocean? I want to see the northern lights. Now that's way cooler." Mom chuckled. "Since the two of you want different things, let's put it to a vote. That's the fairest way to deal with this situation." Chapter 2 Dad came out of the study. "That's a good idea. We'll put it to a vote. I vote for the northern lights. That's a once-in-a-lifetime trip." Mom raised her hand as well. "I vote for the northern lights, too. I've never seen them before, either." Then she lowered her hand and stroked my head. "Well, Cassie, it's three to one, so we need to go with the majority vote. That's only fair. We'll book our flight tickets right away. You can make another birthday wish next year." Everyone else looked pretty excited about the trip, but all I felt was a knot in my chest. Ever since I was nine years old, I'd made the same wish of wanting to see the ocean. I was 19 years old now. A whole decade had passed without my wish being fulfilled. Next year, huh? Would I even be around next year? Mom nudged me toward the kitchen. "Anyway, Cheryl spent the day shopping for clothes with your dad and me. Her feet are swollen from all the walking. You didn't do anything today, so that's not fair at all. Hurry up and clean the kitchen." I didn't argue. I was simply too hungry. I thought I'd go to the kitchen and see if there was anything I could eat. But when I opened the fridge, I didn't even get a chance to take a good look before Dad hurried over and shoved my hand away. "What are you doing?" he snapped. "Your mom told you to clean the kitchen. She didn't say you could sneak food for yourself. Cheryl used her allowance to buy the fruit in the fridge. If you want some, you can buy some with your own allowance." My allowance? Oh, right. As always, in the spirit of fairness, Cheryl and I got the same allowance every month. But whenever Mom ran out of salt or any other groceries, she'd send me out to buy some without giving me any money. In fact, even the household's monthly phone bill came out of my allowance. Meanwhile, Cheryl got to use her entire allowance to buy her favorite clothes and snacks. I'd tried hiding my allowance before and refusing to use it for the household expenses, but it made no difference. Mom and Dad would go into my room, dug out the box I used to keep my money, and rebuked me for not contributing to the household. But Mom and Dad never went through Cheryl's things. Ten years ago, the door to my room was removed. We'd just moved into this house then, and Mom realized that the two bedrooms Cheryl and I were supposed to use weren't the same size. In the spirit of fairness, she immediately hired someone to smash the door off the smaller room, opening it up to the hallway. "This way, the space will be bigger. You two can take turns using this room. That'll be fair to the two of you." Cheryl immediately insisted on using the room with the door first. However, when it was time for her to move into the room without a door, she wailed her heart out, grabbed a fruit knife, and tried to cut herself with it. Mom clenched her jaw, grabbed the knife, sliced my wrist open with it, and took us both to the hospital. After we were discharged, Mom stroked my bandaged wrist, her gaze tender. "I did the math. Actually, the two rooms are about the same size. Your sister has gotten used to hers after a month, so I'm sure you're used to having a room with a door by now. It'll just be your room from now on, then." Just like that, I ended up spending ten years in a room without a door. "Stop standing around. Why aren't you cleaning up the kitchen like you're told?" Dad's words pulled me out of my thoughts. Then he shoved me aside and locked the fridge. Evidently, he was making sure I couldn't open it. I bent down and wiped down the kitchen counter. As I was straightening up, my body swayed, and I almost collapsed onto the floor. Dad, who'd been keeping an eye on me to make sure I did the work, gave a look of pure disappointment. "Look at you. Stop pretending! If you don't want to do the housework, just say so. Must you try to fool us with a stunt like that? Forget it. I'll clean up the rest myself. You can go to bed." I was in so much pain that I didn't even have the strength to defend myself. With the help of the wall, I slowly dragged myself back to my bed. Staring at the doorless frame, I tried to reassure myself. Mom and Dad were giving us our allowance tomorrow. While that was nowhere near enough for my cancer treatment, at least it was enough for me to buy a ticket to the neighboring city of Langerton to see the ocean. Chapter 3 That night, the abject hunger and the pain caused by my condition left me in so much misery that I couldn't sleep at all. Early the next morning, I dragged my weak and depleted body out of the room. Mom served me a bowl of oatmeal, but she also gave me a jelly donut. "Dig in. Why are you so pale anyway? Did you not sleep well last night? Young people shouldn't stay up all night playing on their phones. Have something sweet. It'll give you more energy." Staring at the jelly donut, my eyes started watering a little. Surely this proved that Mom and Dad cared about me, right? Yet before I could bite into it, Cheryl glanced at my plate and pursed her lips. "Mom! Why does she get a jelly donut when mine is just a plain donut? I thought you said we needed to be fair in this family!" Mom looked a little awkward. "The diner must've mixed up my order and gave me the wrong donut." She promptly split the jelly donut in half and gave Cheryl the half with almost all the jelly. I lowered my head and quietly took small mouthfuls of oatmeal. I told myself not to overthink it. After breakfast, my parents handed us our monthly allowances. "Count them. They should be the same amount." I clutched the money tightly. After confirming the amount was correct, I got up to return to my room and put the money away. However, Mom reached out to stop me. She shoved a sheet of paper covered in scribbles into my hand. Cheryl stayed up all night to put together this detailed list of what we need to buy for the trip. She put a lot of effort into it. As her sister, the least you can do to contribute is by paying for everything on this list." I looked at the list. Cheryl had picked out some of the most expensive sunscreen, accessories, and outdoor clothing brands. The total cost was already way more than the allowance I just received. After taking a deep breath, I placed the list onto the table and said, "Mom, you guys can go on the trip. I'm not going." Mom's expression darkened at once. "What's wrong with you now? Why are you throwing a tantrum again? The whole family is going on the trip together. How can you not go? "If the neighbors see you staying home, they'll think we're mistreating you, taking your sister on trips while leaving you behind." I pulled out my cancer diagnosis from my pocket and handed it to Mom. "If you don't want to give me the money, Mom, I can forgo treatment for my condition. But even then, I'm in no condition to go on such a long journey abroad. I just want to see the ocean." Mom stiffened, but Cheryl simply snorted icily. "Don't believe a word she says, Mom. She's always been good at finding ways to disrupt the fairness you and Dad try to uphold in this family. "Last year, she even lied and brought home an acceptance letter from another university. Now, she's showing you some fake diagnosis. She probably just doesn't want to pay for the things we need, so she's pretending again." The moment Mom heard that, she tore the diagnosis into pieces. "Cassie Moore! You're becoming more and more disobedient. I can't believe you'd make up such an awful lie just to get out of giving up your allowance!" I watched as the smile on Mom's face twisted terrifyingly. My body began to tremble violently. It was an instinctive reaction. Last year, when my college acceptance letter from Shinefield University arrived, Mom wore the same expression. She tore up my acceptance letter, and Dad cut up my ID card. They confiscated everything I could use to communicate with the outside world. Mom even went around telling the neighbors that I was mentally ill. She told them that if they saw me leave the house, they were to notify my parents immediately so they could drag me back inside. I was confined to the house for more than a month and fed nothing but a piece of bread each day. I also had to do all the housework. If I didn't do a good enough job to satisfy them, they'd give me a harsh beating. That only stopped when I agreed to apply to the same community college as Cheryl. Now, staring at my torn-up diagnosis scattered across the floor, my eyes filled with fear. "I'm sorry… I messed up. I'll do whatever you want. I'll do whatever you tell me to, okay?" Since I'd given in, Mom's expression finally improved a little. "Now that's more like it. I'm doing this for your sake, you know. We're a family, so we should go on the trip together. And stop crying. Let's head out to do our shopping together." All four of us left the house. Even though the sun was shining, my body felt colder with every step. My pace slowed until I trailed behind the rest of them. When Mom saw that, she frowned once more. "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you keeping up?" She grabbed me by the collar and yanked me forward. A loud rip rang out. The thin and worn T-shirt I was wearing immediately tore open, leaving a huge gash that exposed my shoulder and most of my back to everyone. Passersby stopped to point and make remarks about me. I felt mortified and humiliated. Biting my lip, I used my arms to shield myself as best I could. Mom and Dad noticed the judging looks from the onlookers, so they pulled me into the nearest boutique. I grabbed the most ordinary tracksuit I could find and ran into the fitting room to change. It fit perfectly. Just as I was about to pay, the sales assistant ignored me and turned to my parents. From the way she spoke, it was clear she knew them well. "The same as usual, then? Shall I get you another set in the exact same style and size, just made with cheaper materials?" Chapter 4 It felt like my heart stalled for a moment. "What does that mean?" I asked. Mom hurried over, grabbed my arm, and pulled me toward the door. "Ignore her. Who knows what she's talking about? She probably mistook us for some other family." I planted my feet firmly and refused to move. After looking at the clothes I had just changed out of, I looked at Cheryl's outfit. The two outfits were identical in style and color. Even the logo on the chest matched exactly. I reached out and touched the fabric of Cheryl's sleeve. The material was soft, thick, and warm. Then I touched my own clothes. The fabric was thin and coarse, almost scratchy against my skin. The two outfits looked identical, but the quality was worlds apart. All these years, whenever Mom and Dad bought us clothes, they told me Cheryl and I were getting the same thing. Yet my clothes always wore out quickly, and whenever I put them on, my skin itched and felt uncomfortable. In that moment, I realized why. I looked up at Mom and Dad, who were both rather flustered, and let out a self-deprecating laugh. "So this is the fairness you've been going on about all these years?" For a moment, Dad looked embarrassed, but that was soon replaced by anger. "We buy you plenty of clothes, but you never bother wearing them anyway. We only do this to save money. At the very least, the clothes look the same, don't they?" I crouched down, untied my shoelaces, and took off my sneakers. Then I pulled off my faded, worn-out socks. Under the bright boutique lights, my bare feet were exposed for everyone to see. My toes had become severely deformed, the joints bent at unnatural angles. They were also covered in thick calluses and large, swollen blisters. Pointing at my feet, I cried out in anguish, "You guys never buy me clothes in my size, so how am I supposed to wear them? You always buy me shoes that are two sizes too big! The only way I can keep them from falling off is by keeping my toes curled at all times! "Do you have any idea how painful it is for me to just walk around every day?" The customers and sales assistants were all staring at us. The whispers and pointing made Mom feel utterly humiliated. "Are you accusing us of being bad parents?" Mom's voice rose, her tone filled with displeasure. "After all the effort I've put into raising you, you're lashing out at me over a few pairs of shoes?" Feeling helpless, I lowered my head and said hoarsely, "I wouldn't dare to." That was a fact. I didn't dare hold any of this against them. Every time I resisted and tried to insist on my way, all I achieved was making my life even more of a living hell. Cheryl took Mom's arm and scrunched her face in disdain. "Look at her, Mom! She's been getting bolder lately. She keeps trying to go against you and Dad. She won't remember her lesson if you don't punish her properly this time. "Since she hates the clothes you and Dad buy for her so much, let her change back into that ripped T-shirt of hers. She can walk back home dressed in that. We'll see if she dares to talk back to you guys again after that." I bit my lip hard and lowered my head in silence. However, Mom took my silence as a wordless act of defiance. The spectating crowd made her even more furious. She lost all control herself and jabbed her finger into my forehead, shrieking, "You rebellious girl! All you do is pick fights at home and make life miserable for all of us! This whole time, you've been pulling a long face, talking about how sick you are every chance you get! "Well, I dare you to drop dead in front of me right here, right now! Otherwise, stop being such an embarrassment to the family!" My body was already weak. After everything, it felt as though my body was shutting down. A sharp pain tore through my chest. Out of nowhere, a mouthful of bright red blood sprayed from my lips, splattering all over Mom's face. My vision went dark, and my body collapsed onto the cold floor.