Five Years Married to My Wife, I Never Touched Her—Then I Found Used Condoms and Sexy Lingerie at Home...

I found a used condom and some lingerie in the trash can in the living room. Five years after we got married, Meng Die had always insisted that she suffered from gender identity disorder. To avoid triggering her condition, I had never touched her even once. I wanted to text her and ask about it, but then I happened to see a post from her junior. “Rushing around for love is a true lover’s gift.” The picture was a shot of Meng Die lying on white sheets, with only a thin layer of gauzy fabric over her body. I quietly locked my phone and asked someone to draft a divorce agreement. Later, Meng Die went crazy and tore it to pieces. “As long as we don’t get divorced, I’ll do anything you want.” ... While cleaning the living room, I saw a black lace piece of lingerie in the trash can. On top of it was a wrinkled condom, and the cloudy fluid inside made it obvious what had happened here at a glance. I froze for a moment, then my whole body locked up on the spot. When I first started dating Meng Die, she told me she had gender identity disorder and couldn’t handle stimulation, or her condition would get worse. So I needed to avoid any physical contact with her as much as possible. Back then, Meng Die was the only light in my life, and I believed her. So for five years after we got married, I never touched her once. Even our hugs could be counted on one hand. But now, this scene hit me like a slap across the face. When we first got married, so Meng Die could eat good meals, I took an online clerical job. That way I didn’t have to waste time commuting, and only grocery shopping for our three meals a day took up any of my time. What I really didn’t expect was that, while I was out buying groceries for just one hour, Meng Die would bring another man home and roll around with him. I pulled out my phone and wanted to tell Meng Die to come back so we could talk face-to-face. “Are you free to come home now? I need to talk to you.” The message had barely gone out before I got Meng Die’s reply. “I have to work overtime today, so I can’t make it back. As for your dad’s side, go to the grave yourself. I’ll go with you another day.” “Also, I’m about to go into a meeting. Don’t text me and interrupt me.” Today was my dad’s death anniversary. He had been gone from me for five years. For the past four years, Meng Die had always come back to keep me company when I went to the cemetery to pay respects. Not because of anything else, but because my dad had once saved her life. I thought this time would be the same, but before I even said anything, Meng Die rushed to refuse me first. She had clearly promised me that she would go with me every year and never let me go through the pain of missing family by myself. But now she was using work as an excuse to turn me down. There was only one possibility: someone in her life had appeared who mattered more to her. I scrolled on my phone and just happened to see a post from Meng Die’s junior, Jiang Cheng. By the time I read the post, it felt like countless knives had been stabbed into my heart, and I couldn’t breathe. “Rushing around for love is a true lover’s gift. Senior Meng came on a three-hour flight to accompany me for my thesis defense.” The picture was a rear view of Meng Die lying on a bed, wearing only a thin silk backless nightgown. What kind of overtime work takes you all the way to your junior’s bed? So-called work was nothing more than an excuse to brush me off. I gave a bitter laugh, and the last shred of trust I had in Meng Die vanished completely. I wiped away my tears and looked at the only photo left of me and my dad on my phone. Five years ago, Meng Die almost drowned while swimming at the beach. My dad, who was a lifeguard at the resort, didn’t even put on a life vest. He jumped into the sea to save her at once. In the end, Meng Die lived, but my dad stayed forever in the freezing water. At the funeral, I cried until I could barely breathe. I grew up in a single-parent family, raised entirely by my dad. His death was like a bolt from the blue for me. At the time, Meng Die knelt in front of the memorial hall. Crying, she held my shoulder and murmured at my dad’s portrait. “Uncle Qiao, you saved my life. You were like a second parent to me. Don’t worry, I’ll build a family with Qiao Yu and love him well. For the rest of our lives, we’ll support each other and live well. I hope you can rest easy in the afterlife.” I froze and looked up at Meng Die. She wiped her tears and forced a bitter smile at me. “A Yu, from now on, I’m your only family. You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be your strongest support.” I admit, I was moved. I fell for her too, so much that I became hopelessly in love with Meng Die afterward. But the good times only lasted a few months. After we got married, my relationship with Meng Die started to decline in a way that couldn’t be reversed. Meng Die started staying out all night on the excuse of work, and even told me she had gender identity disorder. She said she couldn’t have any physical contact with me, or her condition would worsen and she’d never be able to live normally again. I felt sorry for Meng Die and never doubted her. I looked through every book I could find, tried every method I knew, but all I got in return was one sentence from her. “Stop wasting your effort on me. Worry about yourself.” She moved out of our master bedroom. Every time she came back, she carried the smell of men’s cologne and obvious strawberry marks. I had waited countless times for her to come clean on her own, waited for her to break the stalemate between us. I kept lowering my bottom line over and over. As long as Meng Die would tell me the truth, I would let go of the past, because I always believed that loving someone meant not only loving their bright side, but also accepting their flaws and ugliness. I asked Meng Die countless times. “Do you have anything you want to confess to me? No matter what you did, I won’t blame you.” But Meng Die would only look at me with obvious impatience and disgust. “If you’re really that bored, go find a job outside. Stop being suspicious all day. Do you think I’m the same as you, staying home all day and never stepping out? I have to work, and I’ll inevitably deal with all kinds of people. If you can’t even accept that, then we should just split up.” I didn’t dare bring it up again. Meng Die was acting without fear because she knew very well that she was my only hope for staying alive. I wanted to cover my eyes and keep loving her, but what I saw wouldn’t let me do that anymore. If that was the case, then I’d make a clean break from this unhealthy relationship.My thoughts slowly came back to me. I packed up the things I needed for the memorial and took a taxi to the cemetery where my dad’s ashes were buried. It had been raining in South City for the past few days, and the temperature had dropped sharply too. Holding an umbrella, I shivered from the unpredictable weather. I bent slightly and placed the white chrysanthemums I bought on my dad’s gravestone. “Dad, how have you been in that world these past years?” “Meng Die and I have been married for five years. Overall, things have been pretty good. Don’t worry about me. Those hard days from before are already behind us.” Even though I was already deeply disappointed in Meng Die, I still didn’t want to bother my dad with the trivial mess in my life. I stood there with my umbrella and talked nonstop at my dad’s grave for hours. Only when my throat was dry and hoarse did I finally take my umbrella and slowly head home. Halfway back, I got a call from Meng Die. In a commanding tone, she ordered me, “Qiao Yu, come pick me up at the airport. It’s raining, and I don’t want to take a cab.” I sneered. “I’m at the cemetery right now. I didn’t drive, so I can’t get there.” Meng Die was silent for a few seconds, then started blaming me. “Did you really have to go today? I said I’d go with you tomorrow. What difference does one day make? You’re so stubborn.” “Can a dead person really be more important than a living one? Do you know how important that meeting was to me?” “Meng Die, if my dad had found you five years ago tomorrow, do you think you’d still be alive today?” “Likewise, if my dad hadn’t died that day, then the one who would have died would have been you. Do you still think it doesn’t matter?” After that, before she could respond, I hung up. By the time I got home, it was completely dark. I opened the door and took off my half-wet coat from the rain. Just as I switched on the living room light, I unexpectedly saw Meng Die sitting on the sofa, arms folded, staring down at me. I paused for a second, then went on tidying my clothes as if I hadn’t seen her. Meng Die couldn’t hold back anymore. Her voice was cold. “Qiao Yu, what exactly did you mean by what you said today?” “Are you cursing me to die? I’ve stayed with you for five years. Do you even have a heart?” I ignored her, took a towel from the balcony, and headed for the bathroom. Meng Die took a few quick steps forward and grabbed my arm. “Try acting dead in front of me again.” I turned to look at her, my expression completely calm. “I have nothing to say to you.” The next second, Meng Die’s slap landed across my face without warning. I froze, holding my cheek as I looked at her in confusion. Meng Die seemed to realize her behavior had gone too far too. She stiffened, her face turning red. “I didn’t mean it, but you forced me.” “I clearly told you I’d go to the grave with you tomorrow. I’m so busy with work today. Why are you picking a fight with me?” “You stay home all day doing nothing. Do you want me to be the same as you? You should be looking for the reason in yourself too when things go wrong.” I laughed. “Are you really working? I have a friend who works at the same company as you, and she said you didn’t work at all today. So where exactly did you go?” “I-I was of course on a business trip. What, do you think I’d lie to you?” Caught red-handed, even Meng Die started stammering. I said nothing and walked straight into the bathroom. The second the hot water poured over me, it felt like a lot of things suddenly made sense. For the past five years, it had been my one-sided endurance that kept this marriage going. Meng Die probably chose to be with me out of pity and a sense of humanitarian duty. Maybe she had once had feelings for me, but now it was clear that our relationship was like a pile of loose sand. With even the slightest outside force, it would fall apart in an instant. I didn’t want this kind of love, one that felt like walking on thin ice.