I'm Not One of Your Options Anymore

Before the birthday party starts, my boyfriend, Edward Parker, casts his phone onto the large screen in the private room. He starts an anonymous poll in the group chat we share with our friends. The question is, "Tonight, should I stay and cut the cake with my girlfriend, or go to the premiere with my childhood friend?" A 30-second countdown begins as the votes keep climbing. His childhood friend, Renee Lane, gets 17 votes while I get just one. Everyone thinks I'm the one who has voted for myself. Edward leans back against the couch and smiles. "The minority yields to the majority." Renee hands him the movie ticket. "Guess everyone agrees that I need you more." Meanwhile, I'm standing before a cake with the candles still unlit, wearing my favorite dress. Someone in the room whistles. "Tanya, don't be a sore loser." The voting thing has been going on for three years now. Whenever we fight, Edward will let them vote on who apologizes first. On dates, he will let them vote on whose hand he holds. Even when I ask him whether he loves me, he sends the question to the group chat, saying, "Let's have everyone weigh in." I think that if I win just once, he will finally take my side. But I never win. Tonight is no different. Edward gets to his feet and grabs his coat. As he walks past me, he ruffles my hair. "Be good, okay? I'll make it up to you when I get back." I look at the results on the screen, lock my phone, and push the cake knife toward him. "No need. Edward, I'm done voting." Chapter 1 There was a brief silence in the room. Edward Parker's hand froze above my head. Renee Lane laughed, as if she'd heard some harmless joke. "Tanya, don't be like this, okay? It's your birthday." Edward retracted his hand, his brows furrowing. "Tanya Cullen, everyone's watching us. Don't sulk just because you lost." Whenever he called me by my full name, I would back down, afraid of upsetting him, afraid our friends would pile on, and afraid they'd accuse me of making a fuss over nothing. But this time, I simply removed the candles from the cake one by one. "I'm not the one who looks bad here." Renee tugged on Edward's sleeve. "Edward, let's just forget it, okay? I don't want to watch the movie anymore." Although that was what she said, her fingers tightened around the movie ticket. Our friends immediately chimed in. "The vote's already decided. We can't make an exception now." "Come on, Tanya. Be the bigger person, okay? Edward can still make it up to you tomorrow." Edward glanced at his watch. There were only 20 minutes left until the movie started. He fell silent for a few seconds before saying, "I'll take Renee there. If you still want to celebrate your birthday, stay here. I can't keep trying to keep both of you happy." I looked at him and repeated myself. "I told you. There's no need for you to do that." He walked straight past me, as if he hadn't heard me. Renee followed him. She sighed as she passed me. "Tanya, you know how much he hates being forced to choose." The door clicked shut, and the music in the private room started up again. The poll on the big screen was still visible. Compared to Renee's 17 votes, that one lonely vote for me sat at the bottom, like the last shred of dignity I had left. My phone buzzed. A new poll titled "How many minutes until Tanya chases after Edward to apologize?" popped up in the group chat. This time, it wasn't anonymous. The three options were ten minutes, half an hour, and tomorrow morning. Renee voted for ten minutes, and others did the same. "Don't overestimate her. I think it will happen within five minutes." "She can't bear to leave Edward." Edward didn't vote, and he didn't stop the poll either. Someone said, "I assume Tanya was the one who voted for herself in the earlier poll, huh?" Renee responded with a giggling emoji. "Of course. Who else would vote for her?" I stared at her message, my fingertips turning cold. They didn't even believe that single vote could have come from anyone else. I left the group chat. The birthday crown was still on the table. Its golden paper had been soaked by spilled drinks, lying there limp and crumpled. I grabbed my bag and turned to leave. Someone called out. "Tanya, you're really leaving?" I didn't look back. The hallway was endless, and the glass wall reflected my silhouette. A white dress, red eyes, empty hands. I looked like a clown who could no longer go on with the act. Chapter 2 At 1:00 am, Edward returned home to see me packing up his things. After three years together, bits and pieces of him were everywhere. His sneakers were by the door, his razor sat in the bathroom, and I could always find a lighter buried somewhere in the couch. Even the pillows I'd bought had been replaced with his favorite gray ones. The sound of the lock clicking came just as I was placing the last book into a cardboard box. Edward stood in the entryway as the night wind carried a faint scent of perfume into the house. It was the same one that Renee always wore. His expression darkened when he spotted the box. "Pulling this stunt again?" I started sealing the box. "Have someone come pick it up tomorrow." Edward walked over to stop me. "Tanya, I've already given you a way out over what happened earlier. How much longer are you going to act out?" I looked up at him. "I'm not acting out. I'm clearing out your things." Edward sneered. "It was just a movie with Renee. Do you have to take it so far? You were there too. You know everyone voted for it." I stopped what I was doing. "So you think you've done nothing wrong?" A frown crossed his face. "I'm just following the rules." Rules again. That was how the first poll came about three years ago. Edward had promised me that day that we would finally go public with our relationship. Then Renee sent a poll to the group chat. "Would Edward going public with his relationship now affect our friendship?" 15 voted yes, while only 2 voted no. When Edward saw the results, he patted my head. "We'll make our relationship public later, okay? Everyone thinks now isn't the right time." I waited three months for it to happen. When Renee's birthday arrived, he posted multiple photos in celebration, with the first being a photo of them together. Then came the New Year celebration, the passenger seat, the anniversary, and the first cake. They kept putting me on the list of choices, only to cross me off every time. I opened the folder on my old phone, the backup I kept around. Three years of screenshots stared back at me—1,276 in all. Edward was stunned. He asked, "Why did you save these photos?" I turned the screen toward him. "I'm afraid I'll change my mind one day and forget why I need to leave." His expression stiffened. "Tanya, why are you becoming so mean?" "Mean?" I smiled. "Compared to making me watch the vote count again and again, I think I'm being quite reasonable." Edward averted his gaze and said in a low tone, "You never used to be this petty." "I always thought you'd choose me eventually." He fell silent. I pushed the cardboard box toward his feet. "That vote tonight wasn't mine." Edward looked up in surprise. "If it wasn't you, then who was it?" I didn't answer him because I had no idea either. All I knew was that when the countdown began, my hands were hanging at my sides. I didn't even touch my phone. Perhaps whatever little self-respect I had left prevented me from begging for a vote in front of everyone. Edward studied me for a long moment, then suddenly kicked the box aside. "Fine! Make sure you do a thorough job of clearing my things out." Just then, his phone lit up with a message from Renee. "Edward, has Tanya calmed down yet? Should I treat her to dinner tomorrow and apologize?" Edward made no attempt to hide the screen from me. He quickly replied, "She's still making a fuss. We'll see about tomorrow." I stared at his message, and a wave of absurdity washed over me. He didn't think I was hurt or disappointed. He assumed that I was just making a fuss. I bent over to take the box and taped it shut again. "Edward, let's break up." With his back to me, he scoffed. "You've said that many times. Since when did you ever follow through?" Chapter 3 The next day at noon, I received a call from my friend Courtney Bale, her voice hesitant. "Tanya, Edward just called me. He said you left something in the club yesterday. Since you wouldn't answer his calls, he came to me." I didn't say anything. Courtney quickly added, "I'll go with you. We'll leave after we grab your stuff." But we arrived to find the private room filled with people. Courtney's expression dropped as she cursed in a low tone, "He told me you left your gift. Why didn't he mention there were so many people here?" Edward was at the head of the table. Renee sat beside him, her eyes red and swollen, as though she had cried all night. A small cake sat on the table, the candles already lit. The moment Renee saw me, she picked up her glass and walked toward me, her voice trembling. "Tanya, I'm sorry. I was wrong yesterday. I shouldn't have joked about it. Please don't break up with Edward because of me, okay?" Edward fixed his gaze on me. "Renee has apologized. You can drop the attitude now. We all want to clear things up." The moment his words landed, the large screen lit up. Someone raised his phone with a laugh. "Why not do it the usual way?" A poll appeared on the screen. The question, "Should Tanya raise a glass to Renee and make up with her?" The countdown was still ticking, but the votes had already piled up on one side. 18 of them had voted yes, and not a single one of them had voted no. It was as if the outcome had been decided from the very beginning. Renee bit her lip. "Please don't do this. You're making Tanya uncomfortable." Edward pushed the glass toward me. "Drink up. Let's put this behind us." I stared at the glass. The wine rippled, reflecting my face. Over the past three years, I had drunk far too many glasses like this to keep from ruining the mood, to give everyone a way out, to prove I was gracious, and to keep Edward from being upset. I picked up the glass, and Edward's face visibly relaxed. Renee also let out a quiet sigh of relief. The next moment, I poured the liquid into the ice bucket beside me. The sharp clink of ice rang through the private room. Everyone was stunned. I put the empty glass back on the table. "I'm not drinking it. You don't need to tell me when you two decide to move on either." Edward's expression instantly darkened. "Tanya, do you really have to be like this?" "Like what?" I gazed at him. "You started a poll to pressure me into making up with Renee, to force me to be gracious, and to admit that I wasn't hurt. And now, you're demanding to know why I'm acting this way?" Renee began crying. "Tanya, I really want to be on good terms with you. Edward, I think I should leave first. Otherwise, she'll only hate me more." Edward instantly rose to steady her. The movement was so swift that he probably hadn't even realized it. Yet I saw it. No vote was needed. His body had already subconsciously made that choice for him countless times. Courtney grabbed my hand. "Shall we go?" I nodded. I had just reached the door when Edward caught up to me, grabbing my wrist. "You need to explain yourself today." I pulled myself free from him. "I already did. I broke up with you, she apologized, and you two can carry on." Edward tried to suppress his fury. "I didn't agree to that." I laughed. "Oh, do we have to vote on our breakup too?" My phone buzzed with a new poll posted in the group chat titled, "Will Tanya change her mind tonight?" The options were "Yes" and "She definitely will". I showed the screen to Edward. "Look, they've even decided for me that I'll go crawling back to you." Something flickered across Edward's face. Behind him, Renee said, "Edward, don't argue with Tanya because of me." He didn't come after me. At least, not then. I walked out to find that the sky had darkened. A confirmation message from the moving company came through. "Ms. Cullen, we'll be there at 3:00 pm tomorrow." I replied, "Okay." Chapter 4 The sky was cloudy on the day I moved out. I stood in the empty living room and looked at the cardboard boxes stacked along the wall. The wall still bore the faint marks left behind by the picture frames I'd taken down. They resembled the old scars left behind when a relationship was torn apart by force. The landlord sounded troubled when she called. "Ms. Cullen, Mr. Parker just called and told me you were throwing a tantrum. He asked me to hold off on processing the lease termination." I slipped the last spare key into an envelope. "Just follow the terms of the lease." The landlord hesitated. "He said you'd regret it." I smiled. "That's what he thinks." The doorbell rang just as I hung up. Edward appeared on the screen. He was still wearing last night's black jacket, and his face was tense. Edward didn't ring again. Instead, he texted me. "Open the door. Don't try to scare me with this moving-out nonsense, Tanya. I'm running out of patience." I didn't reply. Ten minutes later, he texted me again. "What exactly do you want from me?" I stared at the message, and suddenly remembered the first time I gave in, three years ago. I had asked him the same thing. "Edward, what exactly do you want from me?" He merely replied, "Just stop being so sensitive." It turned out that some words always had a way of coming back around. Only this time, the person they hurt was different. When the movers arrived, Edward was still standing there. He didn't look at me when the door opened. Instead, he scanned the empty apartment behind me, noticing the cleared-out shoe cabinet by the door and the bare coffee table. I was even carrying the plant from the windowsill—the one he used to call tacky. Edward's expression dropped. "Are you serious about this?" I nodded. He tried to snatch my suitcase. "Where are you going?" I instantly stepped backward. "It's none of your business." Edward clenched his jaw. "Tanya, don't cross the line. I already took Renee home last night, and I didn't vote with them either. What more do you want from me?" I stared at him, realizing that he thought simply not hurting me any further was already a form of making amends. I took out the old phone from my bag and showed him the screen. I had just created a poll. "Does Edward deserve to have Tanya come back to him?" Option one was "He doesn't deserve it", and option two was "Don't go back to him". There was only one vote, and it was from me. I chose the second. Edward's face hardened. "You're so childish." "I learned it from you. You let them make the choice for you 1,276 times in the past few years. Edward, now it's my turn to choose." "Don't you dare," he growled, his voice cold. I stuffed the envelope containing the keys, the bracelet he had given me, and the old movie ticket I had torn in half into his hand. "I choose to cut you out of my life." Edward gripped my wrist. "Tanya!" The movers froze by the elevator, shooting us awkward glances. I lowered my eyes to his hand around my wrist. In the past, whenever he held me like this, I would give in. Even when the hurt was still raw, or my tears still hadn't dried, I would think that maybe he was finally willing to keep me from leaving. This time, though, his touch did nothing but hurt me. I slowly pried his fingers loose. "Don't touch me." Edward froze. His fingers hung in midair, as if he were only just realizing that I could refuse him too. Just then, the phone lit up with a message from Renee. She had sent a screenshot. It was yet another poll. "Guess when Tanya will return to Edward's side?" The options were three days, one week, and two weeks. Renee had already voted for three days. Edward went still, then tried to turn off the screen. But it was already too late. The dull ache in my chest finally eased. I placed the old phone in Edward's palm. "This time, you two can take your time voting. I'm not revealing the result."