Let You Go to Set Me Free

At the party, friends teased us, asking when Rosalie Diaz and I would finally get married. I looked at her, smiling. She said nothing, and stiffly changed the subject. The friend who'd started the teasing glanced at me awkwardly, apology in his eyes. My smile didn't waver. I took a sip of my drink. I've always been a bit of a procrastinator, though not a hopeless one. So I decided to let Rosalie go. And to let myself go, too. Chapter 1 That small hiccup blew over fast, and the party rolled right back into high spirits. I laughed and carried on right along with everyone else, honestly happy for tonight's two guests of honor: my best friend, Preston Knight, and his girlfriend. The reason our friends had started teasing us was that partway through the party, Preston had gotten down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend. Of everyone in that room, Rosalie and I were now the only pair without a wedding in sight. During a round of games, Preston switched seats to sit beside me and gave my shoulder a pat. I gave him a reassuring smile back. Our whole group of friends had watched Rosalie and me become a couple before anyone else, years ago. Everyone had assumed we'd be the first down the aisle too. Six years later, somehow, we were still just boyfriend and girlfriend. By the time the party wound down, our friends peeled off one by one until only Rosalie, Preston, and I were left. Preston pulled me into a hug and murmured against my ear, "Reese, whatever happens, don't sell yourself short." I hugged him back. "I won't," I said, smiling. I watched Preston and the others go, then turned to follow Rosalie to her car. She was staring at her phone, not even looking up. "Tyler is stuck working late and his ride-share account's run dry, so he can't call a car. I'm going to go get him." "Sure," I said, and slid my phone back into my pocket. The moment she'd said his name, I'd already pulled my own phone out and started booking a car out of habit. Luck was on my side; I got a ride the second she finished talking. She glanced at me. "You've had a lot to drink tonight. Get some rest when you're home. I'm heading out." "Sure," I said again. When her car passed me, I jogged a few steps out of the way so I wouldn't catch the exhaust. A little while later, my phone buzzed with a voice message from her. I would normally have dug my earbuds out of my bag right away to listen. This time I couldn't be bothered, so I just switched it to text. [I'll drop him off and head straight back. Don't read into it.] That was new. In the past, whenever she'd ditched me for Tyler, there'd never been a message afterward to smooth things over like this. I replied: [k] The chat showed her typing for a moment. Then nothing came through. I didn't mind. Now that I'd finally made up my mind, I felt lighter than I had in years. There'd been a time when Tyler Jenkins, Rosalie's childhood friend, turned me into someone else entirely. Always anxious, always afraid of losing her, barely recognizable to myself. I'd lost count of the times I'd screamed myself hoarse at Rosalie over that guy. She would only ever look back at me, cold. "Are you done? I treat Tyler like a little brother. His parents asked me to look out for him, that's all this is. "I got him a job at the company because he's actually good at what he does. Don't let your mind go somewhere dirty. "If you insist on thinking of it that way, there's nothing I can do about it." Back and forth, the same handful of lines every time. I could recite them from memory by now. I didn't wait up for Rosalie when I got home. I just went to bed. Just as I'd expected, she didn't come home all night. A message came through on my phone the next morning. Rosalie: [Tyler still isn't fully up to speed on some of the work, so I stayed late to help him. Didn't want to wake you, so I didn't come home.] Rosalie: [For what it's worth, I got a hotel room. I didn't stay at his place.] She'd always been upfront like that, never shy about bringing Tyler up in front of me. As far as she was concerned, once she'd explained herself, there was nothing left to argue about. My phone chimed again. Rosalie: [I booked us a table at that place you like. Let's have dinner together tonight.] Chapter 2 This was Rosalie's usual playbook. She'd explain herself, then offer up something sweet to smooth it over, and whether I accepted it or not, she'd act like the matter was closed. As far as she was concerned, once she felt she'd explained herself, I had no business bringing it up again. There'd been plenty of times I couldn't take it anymore and raised my voice, trying to get through to her, only to watch her look back at me like she genuinely didn't understand what the problem was, like I was the one being unreasonable. More often than not, I'd end up swallowing the hurt whole, playing the mature, easygoing boyfriend just to keep the peace. I replied: [Sure] Rosalie could handle spicy food, though she didn't love it, and she'd never once offered to take me out for it before. I should have been happy. Instead, I just felt numb. I figured Rosalie wouldn't come pick me up, so I called a car. Sure enough, I was right again. Her office sat right on the way to Diablo's Table, the little spot known for the hottest food in town, and through the window of my ride-share, I caught her smiling as Tyler shielded her head and helped her into a car. In the past, whenever I'd tried something like that for her, she'd always pushed me away and told me not to be so dramatic about it. Something in me shifted. I checked my phone and, sure enough, found a string of new messages waiting. Rosalie: [Tyler's coming to dinner too. He hasn't eaten properly all week with the overtime.] Rosalie: [He doesn't like spicy food, so I'll take you to Diablo's Table another time. We're going somewhere else tonight.] Rosalie: [I'll send you the address.] I turned my screen off and went to Diablo's Table anyway. Rosalie had already canceled our reservation there, so I ended up waiting in line. The place was packed. It took an hour before I finally got a table. My phone kept buzzing, but I ignored it and focused on eating. The food was genuinely, brutally spicy, hot enough to bring tears to my eyes. It felt fantastic. I didn't check my phone until I was paying the bill. Sure enough, it was flooded with more than a dozen messages. Rosalie: [Are you there yet?] Rosalie: [Throwing another tantrum? I told you I'd take you next time.] Rosalie: [Tyler has a bad stomach and can't eat spicy food. You're practically like his brother-in-law. Can't you show a little consideration?] Rosalie: [He feels so guilty right now he can't even finish his meal. Get over here already!] Same old song and dance. But it was still more than she'd texted me in the entire month before. On the way home, I kept turning over the same question: why had I gotten together with Rosalie in the first place? I remembered it now, that day she'd been rejected for the twentieth time trying to raise funding for her startup, and my design had been sent back for the thirty-fifth revision by my boss. We'd both ducked into the same shop to get out of a thunderstorm and ended up meeting there. It started as small talk, one line at a time, awkward and stilted. By the time the rain let up, we'd hit it off. After that, being together just felt natural. I've never believed in love at first sight. I always thought it lacked the weight of time and history behind it, that even if there was love in it, it was the kind of thing that faded fast because there was nothing solid holding it up. And yet, six years into being with Rosalie, I used to feel lucky, like I'd somehow found the one person meant for me in a sea of strangers, all from that one chance meeting in the rain. But thinking it over now, carefully: had these six years really been about two people who loved each other equally? Or had I just been the one stalling, all on my own? Preston took me out drinking. He and his girlfriend were about to start planning their wedding, which meant things were going to get busy, so he wanted to unwind one last time before that happened. Nothing wild, just the two of us. He couldn't hold his liquor and got drunk fast, though he still kept insisting he'd take me home first. It was funny and a little heartbreaking at the same time; even drunk, my best friend still thought of me first. Rosalie, given the choice between me and Tyler, would always choose Tyler. I calmed him down. "I'm staying at your place tonight anyway. We can just go home together." I'd been meaning to take some time to think through things with Rosalie, so I'd moved out for a few days. Preston's girlfriend happened to be away on a business trip, so he'd invited me to stay with him and keep him company through his last few days as a single man. When I got him home and settled onto the couch, he mumbled something, half-slurred, "Reese, if something's broken, throw it out. Don't force yourself to hold on to it." Chapter 3 Preston and I had known each other for over ten years. Even though I never said anything out loud, he could always read the conflict written all over me. I smiled and nodded at him, though he was already pretty drunk. Just then, a few messages came in from Rosalie. Rosalie: [Feel better yet? When are you coming home?] Rosalie: [I'll take you to Diablo's Table when you're back, okay?] Rosalie: [You're a grown man. Running off and disappearing like this the second you're upset, is that really how an adult handles things?] For the first time, I didn't reply. … Preston's girlfriend, Hazel Spencer, got back from her business trip, and with her home again, it didn't feel right for me to keep staying at their place, so I planned to leave. But Hazel understood the situation without needing much explanation, and offered to stay at her parents' place for a while instead so I could keep the apartment to myself. Preston, touched, pulled her into a long, clingy hug. I felt awkward watching them, but Preston just waved it off. "It's fine, man. Stay as long as you need." A couple of days later, he mentioned that Hazel had a college friend visiting from abroad, and Hazel was putting together a get-together for her, a mixed group of guys and girls. He wanted me to come along. I knew he was worried I'd get stuck wallowing in my own misery, which was exactly why he'd made a point of spending time with me every chance he got during the days I stayed at his place. I said yes, figuring a change of scenery couldn't hurt. The party was held at an upscale private club that Hazel held a stake in. That's where I met the friend Hazel was hosting that night. She wore a pair of gold-rimmed glasses and had a refined, elegant look about her. But she turned out to be far livelier than she looked; with her around, the party never once lost its energy, and everyone had a great time. Somewhere in the conversation, I learned her name was Camille Goodwin, and that despite being young, she'd already made a name for herself. She came from money, but she'd built her own company from the ground up, and it had gone public within just a few years. As the party was winding down, Camille asked to add my contact. I looked at her, startled, a little embarrassed. Whatever else was going on, I still hadn't broken up with Rosalie yet. Camille laughed. "Don't get the wrong idea. Preston showed me some of your work, and I thought it was polished and genuinely creative. I wanted to ask if you'd ever consider a change of scenery, career-wise." I glanced at Preston. He just shrugged. "I only showed Camille your portfolio. Whether anything comes of it is up to you." "But I think you should add me for now," Camille said. "There's no harm in getting to know each other before you decide anything." I won't pretend I wasn't tempted in that moment. So I added her. "Reese Addison!" I turned around to find Rosalie there, her face twisted with fury. Rosalie stormed over and grabbed my hand, trying to drag me toward her. I hit confirm on the friend request first, then shook her off. She stared at me, stunned, then let out a cold laugh. "Here I thought you needed a few days to cool off and come to your senses, so I stayed out of your way. Guess I really was in your way after all." "That's right, Reese, how could you do this? Rosalie's been worried sick about you these past few days." Of course, Tyler couldn't stay out of it at a moment like this. Something about the faint, humorless smile on my face must have set Rosalie off further, because her expression turned cold. "Tyler and I are here to meet a client. Unlike a certain someone." "Watch your mouth, Rosalie," Preston cut in, irritated. "What's wrong with Reese coming out with us?" Rosalie's face darkened at Preston, but she turned her fire on Hazel instead. "Hazel, I thought we were closer than this. You knew where Reese was and didn't even tell me? You let me worry myself sick over him for days?" Hazel looked at her, all innocence. "I was out of town until recently. I only just found out myself." "What exactly were you worried about?" Preston said coldly. "Reese's been gone for days and you never once called me, or went by his office to pick him up after work." Rosalie faltered. "I was just giving him space to cool off!" I could see the rest of the party growing uncomfortable, and I didn't want things to get any more awkward for everyone, so I told Rosalie, "I'll pack up my things and come back tomorrow. That's enough." Chapter 4 Those words caught both of us off guard. Usually, I was the one telling Rosalie not to make a scene, never the other way around. She held onto my arm and wouldn't let go. "Come home with me tonight. You can pack the rest tomorrow." I didn't feel like arguing, so I agreed. Catching the worry in Preston's eyes, I gave him a reassuring look. "It's fine. Don't worry about me." Down in the underground parking garage, I went to open the back door out of habit. Rosalie paused at the sight of that. "You're sitting up front." I stared at her, surprised. Tyler looked just as shocked. "Rosalie, where am I supposed to sit? I get carsick..." "You'll be fine. I drive smoothly," she said. Tyler had nothing left to say to that, and shot me a venomous look instead. I didn't say anything and got into the front seat. The ride was quiet. Tyler tried to make conversation a few times, but Rosalie gave him nothing but short, dismissive answers. After she dropped Tyler off at his apartment, she turned the car around and headed toward our place. "Reese, let's really talk this through in a couple of days," she said. I glanced at her but didn't answer. What was the point in talking about any of it now? She grew a little agitated. "Why won't you say anything?" I rubbed my forehead. "I don't know what to say." She sighed. "I really do just think of Tyler as a little brother. You don't need to take it out on me over him. "If it bothers you that much, the front seat thing, I'll be more careful from now on. I'll pay for his rides so he can just take a car home himself. "He lives close to the office anyway, right in the middle of the city. It's not a big deal." I'd had enough to drink that I was starting to feel sleepy, and her rambling was only making me more irritated. At the same time, I almost wanted to laugh. Tyler hadn't just moved into that neighborhood recently. He'd been living there ever since he first started at Rosalie's company. When I got home, I had a message from Camille waiting. She'd sent over information about her company, but she didn't push, just said she hoped I'd think it over carefully. I was in the middle of reading it when my phone was suddenly snatched out of my hands. She'd grabbed it so fast the screen had already gone dark. She tried her fingerprint to unlock it, and when that failed after a few attempts, she tried entering the passcode instead. Of course, that didn't work either. Rosalie's face went dark. "You changed the passcode? And deleted my fingerprint? We haven't even broken up!" I looked back at her, calm. "Everyone's entitled to their own space and privacy, aren't they?" She went rigid, probably remembering the reason why. She'd been in the shower one day when her phone kept ringing. I hadn't wanted to answer it at first, but it wouldn't stop, so I figured I'd pick up and let whoever it was know Rosalie wasn't available. The second I saw "Tyler" on the screen, though, she'd come storming out and snatched the phone right out of my hand. She'd accused me of not trusting her, of violating her privacy for no reason. After that day, she'd deleted my fingerprint from her phone and changed the passcode. I took my phone back, ignored her standing frozen in place, and walked into the bedroom to gather up my blanket and pillow. Rosalie saw me and marched over, glaring. "What are you doing?" "Something's come up tonight. I'm going to sleep in the guest room. It won't affect you either way." Her mouth twisted. "So now you don't even want to sleep in the same bed as me?" I said nothing. She brushed past me into the bedroom and slammed the door hard behind her. I shook my head and headed for the guest room. But just as I'd finished making the bed, the door swung open. Rosalie stood there with her phone in hand, staring at me coldly. "Get over here. I'm registering your fingerprint again."