My Parents Gave My Sister Money, My Brother Love, and Me Nothing

My school organized an educational trip over winter break, and the destination was San Francisco, a city I had dreamed of visiting for years. To avoid burdening my family, I lived as frugally as possible every day and worked part-time after school to earn the money. All I needed was my parents’ signature on the consent form, and I could finally make my dream come true. But the instant Mom saw the consent form, her face darkened. “You want to go on vacation?” My heart skipped a beat, and I replied quietly, “No, it’s an educational trip organized by the school, and everyone in my class is supposed to go…” Her voice remained low, but she spoke faster and faster, and I knew that meant she was about to explode. “Ethan, don’t you know what our family’s situation is like? Your sister is in her most important year of high school, and her tutoring and study materials all cost money; your brother is only in kindergarten, and kids grow quickly, so he can’t wear your sister’s old clothes the way you do, which means everything he eats, wears, and uses has to be bought new. I wish I could stretch every dollar five different ways, and now you’re telling me you want to go have fun?” I wanted to argue but forced the words back down, wondering if it was somehow acceptable for a teenage boy like me to wear his older sister’s hand-me-downs. She impatiently tossed the consent form aside, and I looked up at her in panic. “No… I know how hard you both work…” Mom heard the answer she wanted and immediately cut me off, slamming her hand on the table as she shouted. “If you know that, then why are you still so selfish?” My tears began falling on instinct. The disgust in Mom’s eyes deepened. “Why do you always have to make things so difficult?” Her words left me frozen in place. I spent every summer and winter break at home and had never gone out with my friends even once. My parents were busy working, my sister had to stay at school for extra classes, and no one was available to watch my brother, so I was the only one considered free. That was why I went hungry meal after meal while teaching myself how to cook. Little by little, I also learned how to change my brother’s diapers. Once, while I was cooking, my brother accidentally rolled off the bed and ended up with a huge bump on his head. When my parents came home, they took turns tearing into me and calling me useless. They said they had only asked me to stay home, so why couldn’t I even handle the simple task of watching my brother? But was that really my fault too?The reason I told Mom about the trip was that I wanted to see her support my decision. I told myself that Mom was simply bad at expressing herself, that her words were harsh but her heart was soft, and that she had to love me. But her reaction last night had cut deep into my heart like a knife. Even if Mom refused to sign the form, I was still going on the trip. I had worked too hard for too long to give up so easily. I imitated Mom’s handwriting and signed her name on the parent signature line. When my teacher checked my form the next day, she suddenly stopped and frowned slightly. I nervously clenched my hands, feeling as though my heart were about to leap out of my chest. Fortunately, she did not notice anything unusual. I successfully secured my place on the trip, and my mood brightened with it. When Mom saw me behaving myself, she assumed I had abandoned the idea of going and sighed deeply. “Ethan, I want you to see more of the world too, but with our family’s situation, there’s nothing I can do. Once you have a job, you can do whatever you want, and I promise I won’t interfere, okay?” I silently pushed the rice around my bowl without answering. My sister’s voice came from her bedroom. “Mom, I have to pay for tutoring again. It’s twenty-five hundred dollars, so don’t forget to pay it.” Mom looked up and answered without hesitation, “Okay.” As if she were afraid I might take it personally, she put a piece of chicken in my bowl. “Your sister is at a crucial stage in her education, so we can’t cut corners on necessary expenses. You understand, don’t you?” I did not know why Mom treated me so differently from my sister. Our family was not wealthy, but we had enough money to maintain a relatively high standard of living, and the fact that my sister attended a private high school was proof of that. Was it because I was asking for too much? But the trip only cost a hundred and fifty dollars, and I had already saved enough, so why wouldn’t she even sign her name and give her permission? My sister’s tutoring cost so much money, and so did my brother, but why did Mom never become impatient with them? I silently got to my feet, leaving the piece of chicken untouched at the bottom of my bowl. Mom stood up before I did and rubbed her shoulder. “It’s been a long day. Ethan, since you’re finished eating, could you wash the dishes for me?” At that moment, my brother woke up and staggered out of his bedroom, waving his little hands excitedly when he saw Mom. “Mommy.” Mom’s expression softened as she bent down and gathered him into her arms. “Did you sleep well?” The loving scene between mother and son stabbed me straight through the heart. She did not acknowledge my answer, or perhaps she simply did not care what it was. My vision blurred with tears, and even breathing became difficult. At last, I understood what the problem was. Our family was not short of money, nor was it short of love. Their attention had simply never fallen on me.