No Comfort From You

1 After another cold war, I opened Channel's chat box, intending to swallow my pride and make peace as usual. Then I saw her story post from thirty minutes ago, coaxing Landon, her junior at work. The caption read: Even my boyfriend isn't this hard to smooth over... Landon had left a comment: [Liar. Didn't you say you've never coaxed a boyfriend in your life?] Staring at his comment, it hit me that Channel really had never once tried to make things right with me. Every single time, she just waited for me to come crawling back. A mutual friend sent me a video clip. In the clip, someone asked Channel if she wasn't afraid I'd actually walk away this time. Channel raised her eyebrows, her face full of disdain: "Please. Gabriel is such a pathetic fool. If I ignore him for more than two days, he panics worse than anyone." "Last time we fought, he sent me a whole novel of an apology. My eyes practically crossed reading it. Half a month ago, he even bought rings, talking about how he wanted to marry me." She let out a dry laugh. "If I don't coax Landon, he'll stay mad at me for a full two weeks. Gabriel is different. He's so attached you couldn't kick him out if you tried." I watched the clip and let out a faint, bitter laugh. Fair enough. In that case, this clingy fool wasn't going to coax her anymore. … At the end of the video, Channel smiled playfully. "If you don't believe me, let's make a bet. Gabriel will text me to make up by tonight at the latest." Her tone was brimming with confidence. "When it comes to Gabriel, I never lose." The video cut off there. I closed the video and returned to my chat with Channel. My eyes landed on the last two messages we exchanged. It was me asking her what was really going on between her and Landon. That was where our silent treatment had started. Channel hadn't replied. She was always like that, ignoring any message she didn't feel like answering. I knew her. I was used to it. Still, hearing her reduce me to a pathetic joke in front of her friends brought a dull, hollow ache to my chest. What I thought was taking the high road to fix us was, in her eyes, just the desperate flailing of someone who couldn't leave. She had never coaxed me, yet she went out of her way for Landon. My phone buzzed. A voice note from Landon popped up. "Hey Gabe, did you forget something?" "Channel is still waiting for your long apology essay!" Before his voice faded, a round of snickers echoed in the background. Two more notifications flashed before I could respond. "Channel made a bet that you'd come crawling back tonight. You better hurry up and write it, or you're gonna lose the clock for her~" "We're all waiting for Channel to share it in the group chat again!" Landon broke into a smug laugh. Only then did I realize that all those heartfelt long messages I used to write to Channel were routinely forwarded into her group chat for her friends and Landon to mock. I replayed the voice note once more. In the background, I could hear Channel's soft, amused chuckle. I didn't even have the energy to type a reply. That night, Landon brought a drunk Channel back to our place. I happened to be downstairs grabbing a glass of water. Seeing me walk into the kitchen, Landon offered an innocent smile. "Hey Gabe, Channel and the group had a bit too much to drink, so I brought her home. Don't overthink it, okay?" As if remembering something, he added with a smirk: "She only posted that story to make me feel better. Don't take it to heart." "She lost the bet tonight because she got drunk. She actually lost." "Gabe, didn't you get my message?" I ignored him, poured myself a glass of water, drank most of it, and then looked up. "I got it. So?" My tone was flat, laced with undeniable sarcasm. "What do you want me to reply?" Landon paused, his voice dropping slightly. "Gabe, I was just saying. I hope you don't mind me bringing her home." It wasn't the first time he had brought her home. Nor was it the first time Channel gave me the cold shoulder because of him. "I don't mind," I said. My gaze drifted past him to Channel, who was slumped on the sofa, then back to his stunned face. "If it's convenient, why don't you carry her to the bedroom?" Channel lifted her head from the couch, frowning at me as if she couldn't comprehend what I had just said. After all, every other time she came home drunk, I was the one who took care of her. Channel told Landon to leave. He agreed quickly. "Alright, I'll leave you two alone. See you tomorrow, Channel." Once he was gone, Channel looked at me, her tone taking my presence for granted. "Why didn't you text me?" I looked at her calmly. "Why should I?" Channel froze, struck silent for a moment. Why should I? Because she was used to me playing the devoted fool, always offering her an easy way out during our cold wars. She was used to it. Now that I wasn't falling into place, she felt off-balance. She looked at me, her tone softening slightly, a rare concession. "It was just a joke. Don't take it so seriously." Just a joke? Posting about Landon, betting with her friends, letting him mock me, sharing my private texts in her group chat... to her, all of that was just a joke? "Which joke are you referring to?" I asked. Channel frowned, a flicker of confusion in her eyes. Usually, if she gave me an inch, I would let out a breath of relief and sweep the original argument under the rug. When I didn't react, I pressed on. "The story post? The bet? The group chat leaks? Or the part where you called me a pathetic fool who can't be kicked out?" "Which one did you mean?" Her face darkened when I laid it all out so blatantly. Still, she forced down her impatience. "It was just trash talk at a party. Don't make a huge drama out of it." Right. Trash talk. To her, everything about us was just casual entertainment for her friends. If I cared, I was being unreasonable. "What about Landon then?" My voice remained level. "He kissed you. Was that a joke too?" I had seen it in her group chat before she deleted it. She had leaned against the couch, completely still, letting Landon kiss her. Realizing it was the wrong group, she had quickly revoked the image. Channel's expression shifted. "We lost a party game. It was just a penalty." Her tone softened into a defensive comfort. "Don't overthink it. You know what Landon and I are like." "He's just real affectionate and casual. He didn't mean anything by it." "The photo was just taken for fun. I didn't show you because I knew you'd overreact." "Besides, he's close to me. I couldn't exactly make him kiss a stranger, could I?" She sounded so convincing, she almost believed her own excuse. "Why couldn't you?" I asked. "Why did it have to be you?" "Is it because you knew that even if I found out, it wouldn't matter?" Channel went dead silent. I had laid her exact thoughts bare. Perhaps sensing she had pushed it too far this time, Channel stepped closer. The scent of alcohol mixed with men's cologne hit my nose, churning a wave of nausea in my stomach. Her voice was soft, offering a rare word of coaxing: "Babe, stop making a scene. That's enough for tonight." "I have to meet Landon tomorrow. We can talk about this another time." Landon. She said his name so naturally, so affectionately. Except there wasn't going to be another time. Before going to sleep, my phone screen lit up. It was a text from Landon. [Hey Gabe, my bad. I accidentally bit Channel's lip during the game tonight. Make sure she puts some ointment on it~] I stared at the screen for a long time. Channel opened the bedroom door and walked in. Seeing me staring at my phone, she asked, "Why aren't you asleep yet?" I didn't say a word. I just turned the screen toward her. When she read the text, her expression flickered. After a moment of silence, she looked away. "Accidentally got bitten during the game." As she spoke, she unconsciously bit her lower lip. The small cut wasn't glaringly obvious, but under the bedroom light, I could see it clearly. How careless did someone have to be to bite a lip open during a simple game? I didn't ask. I locked the phone. "Right. Just be more careful next time." Hearing my calm reply, Channel glanced at me, her tone carrying a trace of lingering irritation. "Look, I told you it was an accident." I gave a quiet "mm" and lay down, turning my back to her. When I woke up the next morning, Channel was already gone. She had left a sticky note on the nightstand. [Landon needs me. Won't be back for dinner tonight. Don't wait up.] I crumpled the note without expression and tossed it into the trash can. Opening my phone, I saw her group chat was already at 99+ notifications. They seemed to have completely forgotten I was still in the chat. Everyone was teasing Channel and Landon. I scrolled up with numb fingers and found a photo Landon had posted in the group. A selfie of him and Channel at an amusement park. [Channel is the absolute best. She brought me out to play right away!] So this was what she meant by "Landon needs me." Whenever I asked her to go out, she always said she was too busy. I wanted to take a trip to relax, she said she had no time. I wanted to see a movie or get dinner, she said her schedule was packed, maybe next time. Her "next time" never came for me. But she had all the time in the world for Landon. The chat was flooded with comments: [Channel is so bold. Aren't you scared your guy will find out?] [What's there to be scared of? Even if he finds out, he'll just sulk for two days and come crawling back to her like he always does. When has it ever been different?] [True. Gabriel has insane tolerance.] Message after message popped up. Channel posted a series of photos she took of Landon, followed by a voice message. "Nothing to be scared of. Landon and I aren't doing anything shameful." Then Landon chimed in with a laugh: [I told Gabe last night that Channel's lip got bitten, and he didn't even get mad.] I exited the chat and left the group. I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger. I had bought a matching pair, one for me, one for her. She rarely wore hers, claiming it was inconvenient for work, so it usually sat in her jewelry drawer. Now, there was no point in wearing mine either. I slipped it off and threw it into the drawer. Channel seemed to have finally noticed I left the group. She sent me a text: [You left the chat?] Just four words. No explanation, no apology. I didn't reply. An hour later, her call came through. "Landon's been under a lot of stress lately. He didn't want you overthinking things, so he didn't say we were going to the park." I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. "The group wasn't paying attention to you being in there. They were just talking trash. Don't be mad." I gave a faint "mm". "I'm not mad." Hearing my answer, Channel let out a relieved sigh. "Good. I'll swing by the apartment and pick you up for dinner." Now that I knew, she didn't feel the need to hide it anymore. She returned quickly. Landon was sitting in the passenger seat. As I stepped outside, Landon rolled down his window and offered an innocent smile. "Hey Gabe, I get severe motion sickness, so do you mind taking the back seat?" My eyes bypassed him and landed on Channel. She nodded. "Landon gets motion sickness easily. Just sit in the back. It's all the same." Channel forgot. I suffered from motion sickness too. I didn't move. Channel's brows furrowed. "Don't start throwing a tantrum now. A seat is a seat." Right. A seat is a seat. Except I wasn't backing down anymore. I looked into Channel's eyes, feeling an overwhelming fatigue. "I'm not going. You two go ahead." "Gabriel, that's enough," Channel said, impatience leaking into her tone. "He gets sick in cars. If you're going to be jealous, at least pick your moments." Landon suddenly chimed in, "Channel, forget it. You and Gabe go. I don't want to get between you guys." Channel snapped without hesitation, "How can I forget it? You've been dying to eat at that restaurant for weeks. It took forever to get a reservation." So the restaurant was his idea all along. Landon gave me an awkward look. "Then what about Gabe?" Channel glanced at me, restarting the engine. "If he doesn't want to go, leave him be." "Suit yourself." The window rolled up slowly. Landon gave me a polite wave. "Gabe, I'll go have dinner with Channel then!" I stood there until her car disappeared around the corner. I told myself: Forget it, Gabriel. Channel only treated me like this over and over because she knew I loved her unconditionally. Bit by bit, that love had been completely drained. The last tiny flicker of hope evaporated right there on the sidewalk. I went upstairs, grabbed the luggage I had already packed days ago, and walked toward the door. We had lived in this place for five years. Before this, we spent two years in a cramped, drafty rental. In the summer, we only had a tiny weak fan; in the winter, cold wind seeped through the window cracks, so we sealed them with duct tape. Back then, Channel always promised she'd work hard to give me a good life. She said once she made money, we'd get married. She did make money. She built her business, bought a spacious condo. Except we never got married. Even the proposal was something I had to initiate. She had forgotten everything she once said. There was no longer any room for me by her side. At the front door, I stopped. I turned around, letting my eyes sweep across the home one last time. Then I turned, pulled my suitcase, and walked away. She would never have to read those long, eye-straining essays ever again.