Only My Death Can Free Us All

The day I discover that my husband, Nick Goldberg, is cheating on me, my severe depression drives me to climb up to the rooftop. My older sister, Natalie Swift, stabs him before dragging him over to apologize to me. From then on, Natalie moves in with us and becomes his strictest watchdog. Every time he so much as twitches, Natalie is even more anxious than I am. With Natalie keeping watch over Nick, he genuinely changes. He deletes all of the female contacts he has and comes back home on time. It's to the point that he even reports to me when he's just going out to throw the trash. Because of this, I think that this battered, broken marriage of ours is finally getting a fresh start. However, that only lasts until I receive a call from me ten years into the future. As I take in the gaunt, hollow-eyed woman in front of me, I ask tentatively, "It's been ten years. Is my depression still not cured?" Instead of answering, she curls her lips into a smile that was more a horrible grimace and shows me a video. The video she shows me is of Nick pinning Natalie to the closet wall. His eyes are filled with suppressed pain as he says, "For three years now, we've stayed under the same roof, yet we still can't openly be together. Just how long do you plan on punishing me?" Natalie shuts her eyes, tears trailing down her cheeks. "What we did to Lena was unforgivable. Only by being apart can we atone for our sins." I stiffen, feeling as though I've been plunged into freezing waters. As it turns out, the woman I've been searching the entire city of Hollerton for is none other than my beloved older sister. Nick truly is quite skilled at hiding her, to the point that she's been living right under my nose for three entire years without me being any the wiser. The screen abruptly cuts back to my future self, who leans in closer with a crazed smile on her lips. "You hear that? As long as you still breathe, everyone is suffering. Only with you dead can everyone be free." Chapter 1 Yelena's POV I dropped my gaze to the knife on the table, which I slowly picked up and brought to my chest. "You know that Nick is a clean freak, so why would he suddenly volunteer to throw the trash every day? Do you really think that Natalie follows him because she's helping you keep an eye on him? "Stop being a fool, Yelena! Go and take a look around the corner of the villa. The ten minutes they're out daily to throw the trash is the only time they can get away from you and spend time with each other!" At that moment, the front door opened as Nick Goldberg, my husband, returned from taking the trash out. Upon seeing the knife held in front of my chest, he instantly went deathly pale. "Yelena, what are you doing?" He didn't even bother changing into the indoor slippers as he rushed over to me. On the other end of the line, my future self spoke up once more. "Look at his cuffs. His OCD is very bad, yet look at him now." Nick had a severe case of OCD and was a clean freak, so his sleeves were always rolled up three times to reveal his wrists. Now, however, his usually neat sleeves were unusually ruffled, and there was even a faint red smudge on one of the edges—a lipstick stain. My eyes drifted past him to Natalie Swift, my older sister, who was currently standing behind him with slightly mussed makeup. If my grip on the knife weakened, the tip would plunge right into my thigh. Nick froze in place and raised his hands placatingly, uttering softly, "Yelena, put the knife down so you don't hurt yourself." My gaze remained locked on his disheveled sleeves as I demanded in a quavering voice, "Who's the woman?" Nick paused briefly in surprise before opening his phone's GPS location history with a practiced motion and showing it to me. "I just went out to throw the trash. I wasn't even gone for more than ten minutes." An intense look of helplessness entered his eyes as he went on, "Yelena, it's been three years since that incident. Just how long do you plan on clinging to it? I'm already exhausted enough with taking care of you every day, so please, stop being so suspicious all the time." With that, he stepped forward to take the knife from me. Brandishing the knife, I swiftly backed away from him. "Don't touch me!" In my agitated state, I accidentally sliced my own palm, causing fresh blood to gush forth and drip to the floor. "Lena!" Natalie exclaimed while dashing toward me. However, in her haste, she twisted her ankle and crashed into the cabinet next to her. "Nat!" Nick lunged toward her, the reaction almost instinctive, but just as his hand was about to touch her, he seemed to realize what he was doing and froze. His outstretched hand was left hanging in mid-air. Glancing at my bloodstained hand, Natalie sent a slap across Nick's face. "Nick Goldberg, why did you act so forcefully with her again? Don't you remember that she's sick?" She hadn't held back with that slap, the sheer force of it causing Nick's head to snap to the side. His fingers curled into tight fists, as though he was working hard to keep his emotions from going out of control. However, when he turned back to look at me, the annoyance, frustration, and hostility in his eyes had vanished. He was back to being my gentle, docile husband. "I stepped out of line earlier, Lena. Here, let me tend to your palm. You're bleeding." Even though he was crouched in front of me, tending to my wound, his gaze remained locked on Natalie's swollen and red ankle the entire time. After hastily finishing up with me, he stuffed the first-aid kit into Natalie's arms and said in a terribly hoarse voice, "Quickly tend to your injury." Taking in the way he held back his concern, I couldn't take it anymore and excused myself by saying I wanted to rest. My mind drifted to three years ago, when I had first caught Nick cheating on me. Like a madwoman, I had searched the hotel from top to bottom, yet I hadn't been able to find any hint of the other woman. In my despair, I had made my way to the rooftop, at which point Natalie had stabbed Nick before dragging him over to me to apologize for his sin. That day, the usually proud man had actually fallen to his knees in front of me, all while crying like a child who had lost his entire world. "Yelena, please, I'm begging you, you can't die!" The desperation and heartbreak in his demeanor as he had begged me not to throw myself off the building had me believing that he actually did love me. Now, however, a call from the future had thoroughly shredded my fantasy. Chapter 2 That day, I took the opportunity while Natalie and Nick were out to head to the latter's office. However, upon stepping inside, I was absolutely stunned. This looked nothing at all like an office. Instead, it was a replica of our home. The dark green velvet couch, the standing lamp Nick had personally picked out, even the vase of flowers on the coffee table—everything was exactly the same as back home. The only thing different was the wall that had our wedding photo hanging on it. Here, the entire wall had instead been filled with photos of Natalie. Her chopping vegetables in the kitchen. Her leaning back on the couch, eyes closed as she slept peacefully… Every single photo had been taken with meticulous care for the lighting and composition, and even through the photo paper, I could sense the overwhelming love he had for her. My heart spasmed in my chest as I thought back to our honeymoon. I had spent two hours dolling myself up before happily asking Nick to help me take a photo. Yet, he had simply half-heartedly pressed the shutter a few times, capturing blurry photos of me that lacked any life or beauty whatsoever. As it turned out, it wasn't that he hated taking photos. He had merely saved all his patience and passion for it for Natalie. At that moment, the sound of footsteps came from outside the office. Snapping out of my daze, I quickly hid in the nearby closet. A few seconds later, the door was pushed open. "Let me go!" Natalie cried out in a voice thick with tears as she shook off Nick's grip. All restraint seemed to have been thrown out the window as Nick pulled her into a tight hug. "Nat, I can barely stand it anymore! When I saw her with that knife earlier today, all I could think of was that we would finally be free if she really did stab herself." That earned him a harsh smack across the cheek. "Nick Goldberg, you monster! She's your wife!" "But I don't even love her!" Nick's eyes reddened as he went on, despair practically dripping from his voice, "You have no idea how suffocating it is to lie down beside her every night. Nat, how about I just be honest with her? As long as she's willing to let me go, I can give her all my money!" "No!" Natalie cried out brokenly. "If you tell her the truth, that's no different than forcing her to kill herself!" In response, Nick buried his head in the crook of her neck and pleaded like a drowning man, "Then what about me? You care so much about her, but who will care about me?" Natalie sobbed in heartrending anguish. "When I was ten, she pushed me out of the way and got hit by a truck. It was then I made a vow to protect her for the rest of my life, even if that means throwing my own life away. Yet, I failed to keep myself in check and fell in love with her husband. "Back when you were negotiating that project and accidentally offended someone, she took your place and was ambushed at that underground parking lot. If it weren't for us, Lena wouldn't have gotten depression, so how could we ever do anything that would hurt her so deeply?" With trembling lips, Nick kissed away her tears. In the closet, my nails dug deep into the skin of my palms, tearing open the wound on my hand again. Still, I couldn't feel any pain at all. So, that was how it was. How very touching. Out of gratitude for a life saved, one chose to give up the person they loved. Meanwhile, the other endured everything in silence, burdened by guilt. In that case, what role did I play in this tragic love of theirs? I had no idea how much time had passed, but eventually, it fell silent outside. Climbing out of the closet, I staggered my way out of the company. The icy winds of a winter night slashed at my cheeks like daggers, swiftly drying the tears on my face. Suddenly, I recalled the day Nick had firmly handed me a divorce agreement and insisted on getting a divorce, even if that meant giving up his entire fortune. However, he just stopped bringing it up after that day. Now, I knew that it was because he had been worried about having my life on his hands and that Natalie would be haunted by a guilty conscience for the rest of her life. Since they were so tormented by my presence in their life, I decided that I would oblige them. Taking out my phone, I dialled my lawyer's number with numb fingers. "Mr. Lont, please help me draft a divorce agreement. The sooner the better." For a very long while, there was nothing but silence from the other end of the line. "Ms. Swift, are you joking with me?" There was no hiding the pity in his voice. "There's no record of your marriage registration in the system. In the eyes of the law, your current marital status is unmarried." Chapter 3 I stood there on the street in the chilly winter air, my vision swimming at the revelation. So, Nick had given me a diamond ring, a wedding ceremony, and devoted himself to caring for me, yet he had made sure to leave his true loyalty and the status of spouse for Natalie. Even while putting on a show for me, he hadn't forgotten to set aside the most important parts of himself for her. A laugh bubbled out of me, even as fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. Still, a glimmer of hope remained burning in me. I dialed the number for my future self. "I want to know. Did he ever love me, even if for a moment?" There was no reply for several long seconds, then— "Head to the VIP room at City General right now, and you'll realize just how stupid this question is." Feeling like a lost soul, I headed to the hospital as instructed. In the VIP room, Natalie was dry-heaving as her gastritis flared up. As for Nick, the man whose severe cleanliness obsession made him unable to tolerate even the slightest foul smell, he was wiping away the vomit stains on the corner of her mouth with his bare hand. I watched it all happen through the glass window on the door, and before I knew what was happening, tears were spilling from my eyes again. Half a year ago, I had woken up in the middle of the night to vomit due to side effects from my medications, yet what had he done then? He had practically teleported to the door in his haste to get away from me. With a deep frown on his face, he had called the housekeeper over to clean up the mess while he went to take a shower in the bathroom, not coming out until he had washed himself three times. Throughout it all, he had never once glanced at me, even when I had been puking so badly that I could hardly catch my breath. Why, then, when it came to Natalie, he seemed to have no such fears or hang-ups? At that moment, Nick stepped out of the room carrying a basin of water. Upon spotting me, he swiftly shut the door behind him tightly. However, when he actually got a good look at me and noticed my bare feet and the way my lips were blue from the cold, the wariness in his gaze eased a little. Taking off his jacket, he wrapped it around me. "Are you crazy? Why the hell did you come out at night while so underdressed? Aren't you aware of how frail your body is?" Even now, he hadn't forgotten about his promise to look after me. Staring straight at him, I asked in a surprisingly calm voice, "She's inside, isn't she?" Immediately, Nick's expression darkened, and his grip on me tightened. "A very important client of mine is inside. Your illness is acting up again, so let me take you home." I abruptly shoved him aside, pushed the door open, and charged inside. "Yelena!" Nick yelled in shock. The commotion had the person in bed shrieking before yanking the blanket up to cover her face, the sudden motion jostling the water jug on the nightstand and sending it crashing to the floor. My fingers seized a corner of the blanket. One pull was all it would take to rip off their masks, yet for some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Despite everything, I still wanted to hear them admit to the truth themselves. As Nick watched on in terror, I fished out a small knife from my pocket and aimed it at my chest. "Nick Goldberg, either you pull that blanket away and tell me who that woman is, or I'll die right here in front of you. Choose." Nick didn't move, the patience in his eyes slowly vanishing. "Yelena Swift, you must think that threatening me with your death is incredibly effective, huh? For the past three years, every time something doesn't go your way, you threaten to kill yourself. Do you seriously think there's any meaning to this? Ever heard of the story of the boy who cried wolf?" As it turned out, every time I cried out for help while on the brink of a mental breakdown, he just thought it was me putting on a show, and a terrible one at that. The last ember of hope in me died completely. Letting out a soft laugh, I raised the knife high and brought it downward to stab myself. There was an immediate change in Nick's expression. "Don't you dare harm her!" He didn't even bother getting a good look at just where I was aiming the knife before he barreled toward me and sent me flying with a kick. I slammed onto the floor heavily, a sharp pain blooming across my lower abdomen. Nonetheless, I didn't cry, simply watched quietly as he stood protectively over the woman in the bed, all while his bloodshot eyes remained locked on me warily. He thought that I wanted to kill her and hadn't even hesitated to become violent with me. At that moment, a wave of exhaustion washed over me. "Nick, it's time to end this game. Let's divorce." Nick was surprised for all of three seconds before he let out a mocking laugh. "There's no need to test me. If you truly had wanted to divorce me, you would've done so long before this." "I'm genuinely serious—" I wasn't able to finish my sentence as a thud rang out. The woman in the bed had been trembling so badly that she had fallen off the bed, causing her to land on the glass shards of the water jug. A muffled scream of pain came from under the blanket. Nick's face fell, and he didn't even hesitate to sweep her up into his arms before striding out of the room. "Don't be scared. Are you hurt? I'm taking you to the doctor right away." As I lay on the cold floor, a horrifying pool of crimson began to grow beneath me, originating from between my legs. Chapter 4 I'd had a miscarriage even before learning that I was pregnant. Nick sat by my bed, his face twisted into a guilty expression. "Lena, now really isn't a good time for a baby anyway. Once your illness is a little more stable, we can try for another baby." I stared at him numbly, noticing the faintly relieved look lurking deep in his eyes. This was actually the second child we had lost. Three years ago, after finding out that I was pregnant, Natalie had moved in to take care of me. That was also when she met Nick for the first time. As time went on, Nick began to return home less and less at night. Then, on the night that Natalie also stayed out, I slipped on the bathroom floor and fell, causing me to hemorrhage heavily and lose the baby. It was only after that incident that I discovered evidence of Nick cheating on me, which ended with me on the rooftop. What a cruel joke it was that my two babies and I ultimately became sacrifices for their so-called great love. It was obvious that Nick had also remembered our first child, for he couldn't bring himself to meet my gaze any longer. Standing up, he excused himself by saying that he needed to pay the bill, then he practically fled from the room. Beside my pillow, my phone rang. "Do you really think your miscarriage is simply from him kicking you to the floor? All these years, birth control pills have been mixed in with your medications. Even though you still accidentally got pregnant, you wouldn't have been able to keep the baby. "Yelena, just show yourself some mercy. The more you try to stop them, the stronger their relationship becomes. Only your death can condemn them to a lifetime of guilt and shame." I calmly ended the call, not bothering with hysterics. After being discharged from the hospital, I made sure to be docile and obedient, unnervingly so. I no longer checked in on Nick at work, nor did I constantly suspect things and confront him about them. However, the more I was like this, the more uneasy they felt. At last, Nick couldn't take it anymore and told me, "The company has an urgent matter that requires me to be out of town for a week." With that said, he looked at me closely, as though steeling himself in preparation for the temper tantrum he was expecting me to throw. Yet, I simply responded with a calm, "Okay." Then, I turned to look at Natalie. "Nat, you've run yourself ragged taking care of me, so why don't you take a break this week too? I can look out for myself." The two of them froze on the spot, clearly not expecting that I would agree so easily. All the excuses they had prepared died in their throats. Nick probed carefully, "Lena, that day in the hospital… Did you happen to see something?" "See what?" I replied. At my denial, he breathed a sigh of relief, his gaze gentling. "Once I return from my work trip, I'll take you to see the snowy mountains of Purlentia, okay?" In the past three years, I had mentioned wanting to go to Purlentia countless times, only for him to refuse every single time. He had claimed that it was too far away and that my depression was too severe, so I would only be a burden if we went. He had then promised that he would bring me there once I was cured. Just like that, I had been waiting for three years to go. I answered softly, "Okay." That night, the guest bedroom door wasn't shut properly, so the sound of Natalie's weeping reached my ears. "Nick, isn't it terrible of us to do this to Lena? After all, she just had a miscarriage…" Nick answered in a firm tone, "What I'm doing is saving us all. If she remains here, she's going to drive us crazy, sooner or later. Sending her to a private psychiatric clinic in Purlentia is what's best for everyone." Ah, so that was it. It turned out that he wasn't actually bringing me there to fulfill my dream or to make it up to me out of guilt; it was so that he could keep me trapped there in another country forever, thereby removing any obstacles to their love. I laughed silently. There really was no need to go to all that trouble. Spinning on my heel, I returned to our bedroom and headed for the bathroom. After filling the bathtub with water, I slipped inside. With two quick slashes across my wrists, ribbons of crimson began trailing into the water. As my blood slowly stained the water red, a sense of freedom like never before swept through me. … Third-person POV The next morning, Nick finished packing his luggage before knocking on the master bedroom door. "Lena, we're leaving. Take good care of yourself, okay?" Yet, only dead silence responded to his words. In the past, the moment he spoke up, Yelena would immediately run out with bare feet to hug him. However, there was nothing today. An inexplicable terror crept into his heart. His hand darted out to grab the door handle, and he gave it a tug, only to freeze on the spot.