Scars of Our Past, Forgiving You Is Not My Destiny

Julian and I were childhood sweethearts. We grew up next door to each other for twenty years. At the peak of our love, he threw himself in front of a speeding car to save me. He survived, but he lost all his memories of us. I did everything to please him. I tried desperately to make up for the past, hoping to trigger his memories. But during that time, he fell in love with Amber Carter—the very woman who used to bully me in high school. The degrading, private photos taken when I was being bullied were leaked all over the internet. Yet, he wrapped his arm around Amber in front of a crowd, laughing carelessly: "Her? She's covered in disgusting scars. Looking at her makes me want to throw up." My blood ran cold the moment I saw Julian whispering sweet nothings to Amber. I never expected to see Amber ever again. After she failed to graduate high school, the Harrison family used their legal team and massive wealth to pressure her family, forcing them to leave Seattle forever. I thought I was safe from her for the rest of my life. But just looking at her made me shake uncontrollably. The cigarette burns on my arms and thighs—scars that had never fully faded—seemed to flare up with phantom pain. I held onto the doorframe, my knees weak. But seeing her crying, leaning her head against Julian's shoulder, my anger finally overrode my fear. I rushed forward and shoved her away. "Get the hell away from him!" Amber fell hard onto the sofa. She looked at me with terror, then turned a tearful, pleading gaze toward Julian. Julian immediately helped Amber up, his eyes filled with tender concern. Then, he turned to me, glaring with fury. "Chloe, what is wrong with you?!" I tried to explain, panicked. "Julian! Don't let her fool you! She's a monster!" Julian took a deep, frustrated breath. "Whether she’s a monster or not is none of your business!" "And what about you? Just because our families are close, how much longer are you going to stalk me?!" I frowned, my heart aching. "I'm not stalking you... We were together. We are dating!" Julian rubbed his temples tiredly. "It’s been three years, Chloe. You keep telling me I'm your boyfriend, but I don't remember a single thing. Stop dragging me into your delusions." "I only tolerated you before because of our parents. But now? We are done, Chloe." "You’ve gone way too far." Without another word, he picked Amber up in his arms, brushed past me, and walked out of the VIP lounge. Behind Julian's back, Amber shot me a mocking, triumphant smirk. That look—the promise to torture me until I broke—was exactly the same as it was years ago. I collapsed onto the floor, clutching the edge of the table. Terror consumed me, leaving me shivering in the dark.I didn’t dare look for Julian for several days. Maybe I was just too terrified to face reality—too scared to admit that Julian might actually love Amber. But a voice in my heart kept telling me: *He wouldn't. Not the real him.* He lost his memories because he saved my life. I couldn’t blame him. He was just confused. I brainwashed myself over and over. I spent hours cooking a beautiful bento box and delivered it to his office. The staff at his company knew me, so they let me wait in his private office. But after an hour, he still hadn't returned. His secretary walked in, looking apologetic. "Miss Miller, Mr. Harrison had to step out for an urgent matter." I nodded, forcing a smile. I set the bento box on his desk. "He’ll probably forget to eat again. Please make sure he eats this. Otherwise, his stomach ulcer will flare up." The secretary sighed. "Miss Miller, you care about him so much..." "I do. I'll get out of your hair now," I said with a soft smile. I walked out, took a cab, and got halfway home before realizing I had left my purse in his office. I had to turn back. But when I pushed open the glass doors of his office lobby, I froze. Through the glass wall, I saw Amber happily eating the lunch I had spent hours cooking. Julian sat nearby, reviewing documents. Every now and then, he would look at Amber with a gaze so soft, so tender. I knew that look. Before the accident, Julian used to look at me the exact same way. A sharp pain pierced my chest, accompanied by an overwhelming wave of nausea. Seeing him feed my hard work to Amber made me sick to my stomach. Before my brain could stop me, I barged into the office, snatched the bento box, and threw it hard onto the floor. The food splattered everywhere. Amber instinctively glared at me. That vicious glare was so familiar that my fingers went numb with fear. I stumbled backward. Julian jumped up, grabbing my wrist roughly. He yelled, "Chloe! What is your problem?! Haven't you done enough? What did Amber ever do to you?!" Shaking, I looked directly into his cold eyes. "You knew I made that for you. If you didn't want it, you could have thrown it in the trash! Why did you give it to her?!" Julian went silent for a second. For some reason, the raw pain in my eyes seemed to strike a chord in him. Amber quickly stepped forward, tugging at his sleeve. "Julian... Chloe didn't mean it. She loves you so much. Of course she wouldn't want her food eaten by... someone like me." The momentary guilt in Julian's eyes vanished, replaced by anger on Amber's behalf. He comforted her, "Someone like you? Don't ever talk about yourself like that." Then, he violently shook off my wrist. I lost my balance and fell hard onto the polished floor. He looked down at me, cold and detached. "Since you made it for me, it's mine to give to whoever I want. If you don't want me giving it away, then stop being so pathetic. Stop begging for my attention by bringing me food every single day!" Those words completely shattered my heart. I don't even know how I stood up. Under Julian's freezing gaze and Amber's smug smile, I slowly knelt down, picked up the broken pieces of the bento box, and walked out of his office step by step. I kept my spine straight. I refused to look defeated. But the tears wouldn't stop falling.I wanted to throw the ruined bento box in the dumpster. But then I remembered. This was the box the old Julian had bought for me when I was severely depressed and had no appetite. He had taught himself how to cook, making different dishes every day just to get me to eat a few bites. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. So, I ran it under hot water, scrubbing it with disinfectant over and over. But the thought of Amber's hands touching it made me sick. No matter how much I cleaned it, it still felt dirty. Just then, my phone rang. Julian’s voice, sounding weak and strained, came through the speaker. "...Chloe, where is my stomach medicine?" Instinctively, I replied, "In the middle drawer of your nightstand, on the right side." Silence stretched on the other end. "It's not there..." I paused. He must have run out. I was still angry, but the thought of him in pain made my heart ache. "Is your stomach hurting again? Can you stand up?" Another long silence. "...I want your creamy shrimp congee." His tone sounded so much like the old Julian. I couldn't resist it. Before my brain could process, the words left my mouth. "Wait for me." I bought his medicine, grabbed some fresh shrimp and ingredients, and drove to his apartment. When he opened the door, he looked awful. His lips were pale, and he was unsteady on his feet. I immediately poured him a glass of water and handed him the pills. He took them naturally. Over the past three years, even though he claimed to hate me, his body had become completely dependent on my care. Once the congee was ready, he slowly finished a bowl. The color returned to his face. I stared at him, dazed. "Is it good?" He blinked, then nodded quietly. In reality, the one who loved shrimp congee was me, not him. And the one who used to cook it perfectly was him, not me. Three years. And he still couldn't remember. I let out a bitter smile. Just as I started clearing the bowls, his phone rang. His expression instantly turned tense. "Are you okay?" "Stay right there. Don't move. I'm coming." A woman’s intuition is a powerful thing. My skin crawled. I knew it was Amber. I grabbed his arm. "What's wrong?" He looked panicked. "Amber's apartment building has a fire alarm. I need to go check on her." The moment I heard her name, my grip tightened. "If she was able to call you, she's fine. You're still sick..." I practically begged him. "Please, don't go." Julian frowned, looking at me with deep disappointment. "I know you hate Amber, Chloe, but how can you be so heartless? She's a girl, alone. Do you think she isn't terrified right now?" He shook my hand off and slammed the door behind him. *She's a girl, alone. Do you think she isn't terrified?* Of course she was. Just like I was terrified when she cornered me in the high school bathroom stall, holding a glowing, lit cigarette. I was scared to death, too.After that night, Amber moved into Julian’s apartment. I knew that would be her next move, but I never expected Julian to actually agree to it. My numb heart still managed to ache. But what shocked me even more was Mr. Harrison's 50th birthday gala. Julian actually brought Amber as his date. I was sitting on the sofa chatting with Julian's parents when the ballroom suddenly fell dead silent. Following everyone’s gaze, I saw Julian walking in, with Amber clinging to his arm. My face went pale, but Julian’s parents looked even more furious. Mrs. Harrison stood up so fast she knocked her champagne glass over. She glared at Amber. "Who let you in here?! Get out!" Amber immediately shrank behind Julian. Julian frowned. "Mom, I brought Amber. How can you treat my guest like this?" Mr. Harrison couldn't take it anymore. He stood up, pointing a finger at Julian. "You ungrateful brat! Have you lost your mind? Did you even think about Chloe’s feelings?!" Our parents had never mentioned Amber to Julian after his memory loss, trying to spare my feelings. They had watched Julian become cold and distant over the past three years, but they never imagined he would bring this toxic woman back into our lives! Julian shrugged, acting as if the past was just minor drama. "Amber explained everything to me. It was just stupid high school drama. Why are you all being so dramatic?" "High school drama?!" Mr. Harrison’s face turned red. "If she has explanations, she should be kneeling in front of Chloe! Security! Throw this woman out!" Julian stepped in front of Amber. "It was years ago! You're going to ruin my reputation over some petty high school grudge?!" A cold blade pierced my heart. To the current Julian, my trauma was just "petty high school grudge." Suddenly, Julian turned his glare toward me, his eyes full of venom. "It was you, wasn't it?" "How can you be so disgusting? Poisoning my parents' minds with your lies?" Hearing this, Mrs. Harrison lost her temper completely. She stepped forward and slapped Julian hard across the face. Amber looked bewildered, tears streaming down her face beautifully. "Julian, please don't fight with your family because of me. It's all my fault. I'll leave!" Sobbing, she ran out of the venue. Julian immediately turned to chase her. I reached out and grabbed his arm one last time. I looked him dead in the eye. "Do you love her?" He looked at me with pure disgust. "Yes! I love her!" He ripped his arm away and ran after Amber without looking back.