Sorry, Your Fangirl Logged Off

At our class reunion, my so-called best friend, Shannon Drew, pulled out a box stuffed with folded notes. A line was taped across the top— [Draw one of Mia Martinez's hopeless-romantic quotes.] The room burst out laughing. Someone pulled a love letter I'd written to Damien Byford senior year. "Damien smiled at me today. I want to give him all my tomorrows, too." Someone else grabbed one from college. "It's okay if he doesn't text back. He'll think of me when he's not busy." Damien had never replied to a single letter. I'd always figured he'd tossed them years ago. Then Shannon drew letter No. 99. Leaning against Damien, she laughed as she read, "If you ever decide you don't want me anymore, I'll still wish you happiness." Damien snatched it from her. "Don't go too far. She embarrasses easily." He told her to stop, but that grin said otherwise. He wanted to see me humiliated too. As Shannon kept reading, she accidentally knocked the box sideways. I bent to pick it up and spotted two tiny lines taped underneath: [Updated monthly. For entertainment only.] Chapter 1 That was when it hit me. My feelings had always been their private joke. Damien saw me go quiet and came over. "Mia, don't make a scene. If I didn't like you, would I have kept those letters all these years?" He sounded so smug. Like humiliating me was some kind of favor. I pulled the hundredth letter from my bag. The second Damien saw the envelope, he reached for it like it already belonged to him. "Finally gonna give it to me?" I looked at him and smiled. Then I ripped the letter in half. "You don't need to read it. There won't be another one." The scraps fluttered onto Damien's black slacks. He stared down at them for a beat, then lifted a brow. "Mia, what are you doing?" The private room went dead quiet. Then someone snorted. "Wait, is she actually pissed?" "Damien, better calm her down. Your little fangirl's losing it." Damien didn't laugh. He bent down, picked up half the letter, and narrowed his eyes. "I asked you a question." That edge in his voice used to make me panic. I'd explain. Apologize. Cave. I'd become whatever he wanted. Not this time. I grabbed my coat off the chair and headed for the door. Damien caught my wrist. His grip wasn't tight, but I couldn't pull free. He looked down at me, voice low. "Everyone's watching. You really gonna make a scene?" I didn't answer. Suddenly, it all felt pointless. For ten years, I'd had a million things I wanted to say to Damien. Now, I had nothing. Shannon stood, putting on that sweet voice. "Mia, don't be mad. We haven't all been together in forever. Everyone was just messing around." She reached for my sleeve. "Besides, weren't you always saying Damien was the one? We're just reliving the old days. Why are you so mad now?" A few guys jumped in. "Yeah, Mia. Learn to take a joke." "Everyone at school knew you were obsessed with Damien. Why act like you're above it now?" "You already wrote letter number one hundred. What, is this some new move to finally get Damien to commit?" At that, Damien raised a brow, like he'd finally figured me out. His grip loosened, but his voice turned impatient. "Mia, don't pull this crap. "If you want me to drive you home, just say it." I looked up at him. I'd loved that face for ten years. Loved him enough that a random bottle of water from him could make my whole week. Enough to cross half the city at three a.m. to buy him medicine after he posted that his stomach hurt. Enough that everyone knew Mia Martinez couldn't live without Damien Byford. But right then, I looked at him and saw a stranger. When someone didn't love you, even the smallest scraps of attention could hurt like hell. I slowly pulled my hand free. A red ring circled my wrist. Damien noticed, concern flashing across his face. "Does it hurt?" He reached for me. Then Shannon pressed a hand to her stomach and sucked in a breath. "Damien, my stomach hurts. I think I drank too fast." His hand stopped midair. She ducked her head with a small smile. "It's fine. Take care of Mia first. I can handle it." A second later, he turned and caught her arm. "Didn't I tell you not to drink?" The worry in his voice hit me hard. Shannon didn't say anything else. She just grabbed Damien's sleeve and leaned into him. I watched him drape his jacket over her shoulders. The same jacket I'd given him for his birthday last year. I'd ordered it a month early and had his initials stitched inside the cuff—D.B. He'd taken one look and said the color was boring. That night, I sat with the gift box until midnight, telling myself he just sucked at showing how he felt. Now his fingers rested right over those initials. Like he was pressing the last bit of humiliation straight onto her. A server by the door opened it for me. Shannon let go of Damien. "Come on. She's always like this. Just sweet-talk her a little and she'll be fine." Damien didn't move away. He looked at me like he was giving me one last chance to cave. "Sit down. Finish your drink. Then we'll forget this happened." I didn't touch the glass. I turned and walked out. Behind me, Damien's voice went cold. "Mia Martinez, if you walk out that door, don't regret it." I kept going. Right before the door shut, Shannon laughed softly. "Relax. She won't even make it downstairs. When has she ever been able to stay away from you?" Chapter 2 Rain started falling as I stepped out of the club in Riverton. My phone wouldn't stop buzzing. Someone had dropped a video in the class group chat. They'd edited the clip of me ripping up letter number one hundred with fake sobbing sounds and a caption: [Damien, go get her. Your biggest fan just rage-quit.] Then came a flood of laughing emojis. I stared at the screen for a few seconds, then left the group chat. I'd barely shoved my phone back into my bag when a black Cullinan rolled up to the curb. The rear window slid down. Damien frowned when he saw me standing in the rain. "Get in." He'd done this before. Senior year, when people cornered me in the stairwell and made fun of me, he'd stood outside the crowd and said, "Move." Back then, I thought it meant I was special to him. Now I knew better. He'd just gotten used to owning my pathetic devotion. Caleb Twain, the chauffeur, got out with an umbrella and opened the door. "Ms. Martinez, Mr. Byford wants you in the car." I stepped back. "No." Damien finally got out. He opened a black umbrella over me, then tilted it farther my way when he saw my soaked shoulders. Half his sleeve was drenched in seconds. "Your stomach just got better, and now you're standing in the rain." His voice sharpened. "Do you seriously need to end up in the hospital before you stop?" I almost laughed. He remembered my stomach problems. But not that I could get hurt too. Not that I could be humiliated. Not that when everyone laughed at me, I wanted someone on my side. I stepped out from under the umbrella and kept walking. Damien finally snapped. He caught my wrist and pulled me back under it. "Mia." His voice was tight. "I've been more than patient with you tonight. "You ripped up the letter in front of everyone, and I let it go. Then you stormed out, and I still came after you. "What else do you want from me?" Rain dripped from my hair into my eyes. I looked up at him. "I want nothing to do with you." Damien stared at me, then let out a cold laugh. "Nothing to do with me?" He leaned closer. "Did you forget who got your apartment lease renewed?" Rain slid from the ends of my hair. Damien brushed the wet hair behind my ear. His touch was gentle. His words weren't. "So quit saying things you don't mean. "You're playing for Shannon at tomorrow night's alumni gala." I froze. "What?" Damien held up his phone. The program filled the screen. [Shannon Drew—Solo Vocal] And right under [Accompanist] was my name. He watched my face go pale like this was totally normal. "She's launching her music career. Tomorrow's gala is huge for her. "You're good at piano. Don't waste it." My nails dug into my palm. "I'm not going." Damien looked at me like I was throwing a fit. "You are." Then he pulled up another video. It showed me ripping up the letter and walking out of the private room. The angle made me look pathetic. Unhinged. Like I'd completely lost it over getting rejected. The caption was already there. [Martinez heiress melts down at class reunion after chasing the same guy for ten years—and getting rejected.] Damien pocketed his phone, totally unfazed. "Play tomorrow night, and nobody sees it. "Keep fighting me, and I'll let all of Riverton see exactly how you spent the last ten years chasing me." I stared at him. My chest tightened. 'How did one look from him ever make me put up with everything? 'Why does looking at him just make me sick now?' Damien took my silence as a yes. He shoved the umbrella into my hand, his voice softening. "Go home. Take a hot shower. "I'll have someone send you a dress tomorrow." Then he paused. "The beige one. You look the most obedient in that." He turned and got back in the car. The taillights disappeared into the rain. I looked down at the black umbrella. His initials were engraved on the handle. I'd traced them in secret more times than I could count. Now I tossed it into a trash can by the curb. Then I walked away without looking back. Chapter 3 Back at my apartment, I grabbed my ID documents, shoved them deep into my bag, and booked an express train ticket. After tomorrow night's performance, I was gone for good. *** At exactly seven, the alumni gala auditorium was blazing with lights. The second I stepped out of the car, cold air swept through the side entrance, making my fingers stiff. Damien stood by the door on his phone. The second he saw me, he hung up and studied my face. "Why are you so pale?" He pulled a piece of candy from his suit pocket and held it out. "Eat this first." The wrapper was lemon yellow. My old favorite. Damien always said they were way too sour, but he still kept a box in his car. I looked at the candy. Like my silence was nothing new, he tugged my shawl higher. "Cover up. It's freezing backstage." The gesture was so familiar. For a second, I almost forgot this was the same hand that had threatened me with that video last night. Then Shannon called from nearby. "Damien, I think my earpiece is messed up." His hand stopped. A second later, he pulled away and went to her. "Let me see." Shannon stood in a white gown while a few people fussed over her makeup. She tilted her head as Damien leaned in to check her earpiece. They were way too close. Close enough that when he looked down, she was all he saw. I stood there, crushing the candy wrapper in my hand. Something sour was already rising in my throat. Shannon caught my eye in the mirror and smiled. "Mia, you actually came." She pulled out her earpiece and walked over like she'd just remembered I existed. "After how mad you were last night, I figured you'd bail on me today." She looped her arm through mine. Damien noticed. Then Shannon pressed her fingers right over the bruise on my wrist. I flinched. His brow twitched, but that was it. "Don't touch her hand. She still has to play." Not concern. He just didn't want me messing up Shannon's performance. Shannon let go fast and blinked all innocent. "I'm just excited." Damien didn't say anything else. But the second he turned to talk to a staff member, Shannon leaned in again. "You know that box of notes? Damien had someone bring it out of his study. "I was only gonna read a few, but he said it was fine. "He said you never stay mad at him anyway." My breath caught. I looked across the room at Damien. He was checking Shannon's program, totally calm. Like none of it mattered. 'So he was the one who gave them to her...' Satisfied, Shannon stepped back with a sweet little smile. "Mia, you're pathetic." A staff member rushed over to call her to the stage. Right before she left, Shannon coughed. Damien grabbed a bottle of water, twisted off the cap, and handed it to her. "Drink. Don't mess up your throat." Then he looked at me. All the warmth was gone. "You too. Get over there. Don't hold up her performance." Then the MC's voice rang out. "Next up, please welcome Shannon Drew." Applause filled the room. A staff member led me to the piano. The second the spotlight hit, the audience disappeared into darkness. But I knew Damien was in the front row. Of course he was. Always sitting where I could see him. Always watching me bend for him. Shannon stood center stage, smiling into the mic. "I'd like to dedicate this song to my best friend, Mia Martinez." The crowd applauded. She turned to me with a sweet smile. "Thanks for taking care of Damien for me all these years." The applause died fast. Then came the snickers. My fingers settled on the keys. The first note hit, and something inside me cracked. I'd written this piece for Damien's senior year. I'd never played it for anyone. I'd only mentioned it once, in letter number thirty-seven: [On graduation day, I want to play it for you.] So he'd given Shannon this too. Just to help launch her career. Halfway through the chorus, the giant screen behind us suddenly lit up. My stomach dropped. My letters. One after another, scanned in perfect detail. [Damien lent me his eraser today. I want to keep it forever.] [He didn't look at me today, but I still thought he was amazing.] [If he falls for someone else someday, I'll still wish him happiness.] The room went dead silent. Then everyone started laughing. My fingers locked over the keys. I hit the wrong note. Shannon spun around, looking horrified. "What is this? Why would the backstage crew put those up?" Her eyes turned red as she looked at Damien. "Damien, I didn't do this..." Damien finally stood. But when he came onstage, he went straight to Shannon and stepped in front of her. Then he looked at me. Cold. "Mia. Did you seriously have to pull this crap?" Chapter 4 The dressing-room door slammed behind us. Shannon followed, eyes red, voice shaky. "Damien, I swear I didn't know those letters would show up. I don't know why Mia would do this to me..." Damien let go of me and turned to steady her. His face stayed calm. His eyes didn't. Once Shannon settled down, he looked at me. "Apologize." I stared at him. "What?" Damien's face hardened. "Shannon was the star tonight. You pulled that stunt during her performance and humiliated her in front of everyone. "You owe her an apology." My chest tightened so hard I could barely breathe. "Those letters were mine. I wrote them to you. And you kept them around so everyone could laugh at me." Damien frowned. "I kept them because I couldn't be bothered to throw them out. "They turned it into a joke because they didn't know when to stop. "But you stopped playing and left Shannon stranded onstage. That part was on you." He said it like it was obvious. Like my pain, my humiliation, and ten years of being the punchline meant less than one bad moment in Shannon's big night. Shannon tugged lightly on his sleeve. "Forget it, Damien. Mia probably didn't mean it." The more she defended me, the colder he got. "No." He looked at me like I meant nothing. "I spoiled her too much." My hands curled into fists. "Damien Byford, have you ever once thought maybe you were the one in the wrong?" His jaw tightened. "My mistake was letting you get away with too much." The dressing room went dead quiet. Damien walked over and tipped my chin up with two fingers. His touch was cool. Controlled. "Mia," he said softly. "You loved me for ten years. That part was real. "Right now, you just want me to feel bad for you. You want me to pick you in front of everyone, right?" He looked almost tired. Like I was just some dumb girl throwing a fit. "But this isn't how you get what you want. "Behave, and I'll give you what you've always wanted." I looked at him. "What do you mean?" Damien didn't answer right away. Shannon tightened her grip on her glass. Then he said, flat and calm, "You'll be my wife eventually." Shannon's face went pale. Damien kept going. "As long as you stop pulling stunts like this." So that was his big offer. Keep taking it. Keep waiting. Wait until he was done having fun, until Shannon was gone, until he finally remembered I existed. I suddenly laughed. Damien frowned. "What's so funny?" I shook my head. "Nothing." I'd just finally realized how rotten loving him had become. Taking that as surrender, Damien let go of me. "If we're done here, go apologize to Shannon." I looked over at her on the couch. Triumph flashed in her eyes. But I was tired. Too tired to even hate her. So I walked over and met her gaze. "I'm sorry." Shannon froze. So did Damien. I straightened. "I hope you two stay this perfect for each other forever." Then I turned for the door. Damien reached the handle first. "Stop." I didn't turn around. He looked like he wanted to say something. Then Shannon spoke, soft and shaky. "Damien, I'm a little dizzy." Whatever he was about to say disappeared. He looked at her. His hand slipped from the door. I took my chance and walked straight out. He didn't follow. Of course he didn't. He probably thought he'd put me in my place again. For ten years, I'd always caved eventually. Not this time. I was done. *** By the time the express train pulled in, it was already dark. I hauled my suitcase aboard, shut off my phone, and took a window seat. One by one, the city lights faded behind me. I closed my eyes. And never looked back.