The Understanding Me

On the day of our engagement, Noah’s little “friend” called him seven times. He paused, a diamond ring gleaming under the lights, midway through placing it on my finger. He glanced at the screen, not even a flicker of a frown, and simply hung up. I kept my smile in place, my fingernails digging into my palms. That unlabelled number—I’d memorized it three years ago. When the eighth call came through, Noah finally stood up, leaning in to whisper in my ear, “Urgent client matter, I need to take it.” I clutched his sleeve, the engagement ring blindingly bright. “What client needs seven calls during our engagement party?” Noah froze for half a second, then chuckled. “Asteria, are you checking up on me?” A low ripple of laughter spread through the guests below. I let go of his sleeve. The ninth call. When Noah returned, his arm around my shoulder, he said, “Willow had a bit of an issue. I need to go over there.” Someone joked, “Mr. Thompson, this is your engagement party!” Noah smiled and shook his head, a mix of helplessness, indulgence, and a hint of affection. “I can’t help it. She’s all alone in New York; if she runs into trouble, she only has me.” He kissed my forehead. “Asteria is the most understanding, right?” I stared at the sugar-frosted couple on the cake, a wave of nausea washing over me. Understanding. I’d heard that word for seven years. 1 Noah came back at 3 AM. I was sitting on the living room carpet, still in my engagement dress. He opened the door, reeking of alcohol, and paused when he saw me. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” “Waiting for you.” He walked over, instinctively reaching to ruffle my hair, but I turned my head, dodging his touch. His hand hung in the air for a moment before he sat on the sofa, loosening his tie. “There was a problem with the fire inspection at Willow’s gallery. I found someone to handle it. She was terrified, crying constantly, so I had to stay and comfort her.” I looked up. “Noah, today was our engagement party.” “I know.” He closed his eyes, weary. “That’s why I rushed back, didn’t I? Asteria, please don’t make a scene, okay? I’m really tired today.” I laughed, a bitter, angry sound. “I’m making a scene? You abandoned me in front of all our guests for Willow, and now you’re saying I’m making a scene?” Noah opened his eyes, his gaze full of incomprehension. “How can that be the same? Willow had a real problem. Those toasts and social obligations were just going through the motions. Asteria, you used to not be so petty.” Yes, I used to. Before, when he spent Willow’s birthday with her, ditching me at the cinema, I said, “It’s fine.” Before, when he drove to pick her up drunk in the middle of the night, forgetting I had a high fever, I said, “You should.” Before, when he arranged for her to work at his company, and then smiled and said, “Good, you can rest more,” when my job application was rejected, I said, “Whatever you say.” I was too understanding, so understanding that he forgot I could feel pain too. “I don’t want the ring,” I said. Noah sat bolt upright. “Asteria Quinn, what do you mean?” I slowly turned the ‘dove’s egg’ diamond on my ring finger. “It means this thing feels heavy, suffocating me.” He stared at me for a long time, then suddenly chuckled, getting up and heading to the bathroom. “Alright, I know you feel wronged today. Tomorrow, I’ll take you to buy that handbag you’ve been eyeing for six months as compensation, okay?” The sound of running water filled the air. I looked down, each facet of the diamond reflecting my distorted face. 2 Noah and I were truly childhood sweethearts. Our families lived next door, and we were in the same class from kindergarten through high school. He was always dazzlingly brilliant, good grades, handsome, and when he played basketball, all the girls in school would secretly watch him. I was as ordinary as his shadow. After high school graduation, at a dinner party, he’d had too much to drink and cornered me in the karaoke lounge hallway. The neon lights flickered across his face. His voice hoarse, he’d said, “Asteria Quinn, let’s just make a go of it, you and me.” My heart pounded like a drum, but I asked, “Why ‘just make a go of it’?” He laughed, his warm breath on my ear. “Because we know everything about each other. It’s easy.” That night, he kissed me and whispered in my ear, “We’ll get married once things settle down.” Only later did I understand that “settle down” meant when he’d had his fun, when I was completely unable to leave him. Noah went to a top finance program, while I barely made it into a local university for journalism. For four years, we were apart. I wore out the seats on countless train trips between New York and Boston, while the number of times he visited me could be counted on two hands. Sophomore year, on Valentine’s Day, I secretly went to his school to surprise him. Beneath his dorm building, I saw him walk out alongside a girl. She wore a Chanel suit, her eyes curving into crescent moons when she smiled. Noah bent his head to listen to her, the curve of his profile so gentle it made my heart ache. I hid behind a tree and heard the girl say, “Noah, your little childhood friend didn’t call you today, huh?” His voice carried a smile. “Asteria is understanding. She knows I’m spending the day at an exhibition with you.” The girl looped her arm through his. “I’m so envious of her, so easygoing. If it were me, I’d be raising hell.” Noah flicked her forehead. “That’s why you’re not as sweet. Asteria never makes a fuss.” They walked away. I stood beneath the tree until my legs went numb. My phone showed a message he’d sent that morning: "Asteria, project team is working late today, can’t video chat. Get yourself something nice to eat." I looked up and saw his social media feed updated five minutes ago. The girl had posted a photo, geotagged at the Waterfront Art Museum. "Thanks to a certain finance whiz for ditching work to walk around with me~" In the photo, Noah was bending his head, helping her adjust her audio guide, sunlight catching his eyelashes. I liked her post. Noah immediately messaged me privately: “Asteria? How do you have Willow as a friend?” My fingers trembled as I typed: “Last time your phone was with me, she called for you, so I added her.” “Oh. Willow has a child-like temper, loves to show off. Don’t take it to heart.” I didn’t reply. He sent another message: “By the way, her birthday is next month. What do you think I should get her? She seems to like that new Tiffany necklace.” I’d seen that necklace three times last week while browsing the mall. Finally, I typed: “Sounds good.” 3 Willow was a teammate Noah met during an international finance competition in his freshman year. A talented art student from a wealthy background, she opened a gallery after studying abroad. When Noah spoke of her, his eyes would light up. “Willow is the most spirited girl I’ve ever met.” At Noah’s onboarding celebration dinner, she walked over with a glass of champagne, sizing me up and down. She smiled. “You must be Asteria? Noah talks about you all the time. You’re… just like a girl next door.” I was wearing a new dress I’d bought for the occasion, but next to her haute couture, I felt like a clown who’d wandered in by mistake. Noah naturally put his arm around my shoulder. “Asteria isn’t quite used to these kinds of events, Willow. Please look out for her.” “Don’t worry,” Willow winked, leaning closer to me. “Asteria, I heard you work as a planner at a cultural company? My gallery needs some copywriting for its next exhibition. Want to give it a try? The pay isn’t great, but it’s an opportunity.” My nails dug into my palms. “No, thank you.” She didn’t seem offended, turning to Noah. “Your little childhood friend, she has spirit.” That night, after coming home, I asked Noah, “Does Willow like you?” He was unbuttoning his shirt and chuckled at my question. “What are you thinking? Willow and I are just buddies. If she were really interested in me, would she have waited this long?” “But her attitude towards me…” Noah hugged me from behind. “That’s just how she is, a spoiled princess, but she doesn’t mean any harm. Asteria, you never used to be so suspicious.” I fell silent. “Used to.” I’d never seen the light in his eyes when he looked at someone else before. 4 In my third year of work, I gritted my teeth and bought a small apartment. The down payment was from my own savings, hard-earned without a penny from my family. On the day I got the keys, I excitedly pulled Noah to see it. He walked around once, frowning. “It’s too far from my company. The commute would be over an hour.” “But it’s close to my company,” I said, pulling him towards the balcony. “We could put a small coffee table here and sunbathe together on weekends.” Noah was absentmindedly scrolling on his phone. “Willow’s gallery is looking for a new space recently. I’ve looked at a few places for her. Tomorrow, I have to go with her for a site visit.” My smile froze. “Tomorrow is Saturday.” “I know,” he put away his phone, ruffling my hair. “Be good, you go ahead and get settled. I promise I’ll come help you next week.” He left. I sat alone in the empty living room, my phone screen glowing. It was Willow’s latest social media post: "Why rely on others when you have Mr. Thompson? His efficiency is unmatched~" It was accompanied by a screenshot of her chat with Noah. Noah: "It’s too much for a girl like you to handle all this. I’ll help you oversee it." Willow: "Oh, I couldn’t possibly be a bother [cute emoji]" Noah: "Why be so formal with me?" I turned off my phone and started painting the walls. Latex paint splattered on my face, mixing with tears, salty and acrid. That night, Noah called, his voice weary. “Ran around all day. Willow’s standards are really high; she wasn’t happy with several places.” I stared at the ceiling. “Noah, I strained my back today lifting heavy things.” “Oh? Is it serious?” He paused. “Maybe you should go to the hospital tomorrow? I really can’t get away this weekend.” “No need. I’ll be fine after some rest.” He let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good. Oh, by the way, Willow said she wants to treat me to dinner to thank me. Why don’t you come along? She said she wants to apologize to you for her bad attitude last time.” “No.” His voice deepened. “Asteria, Willow genuinely wants to be friends with you. Can you please stop being so resistant towards her?” I laughed. “Noah, are you my boyfriend, or hers?” There was a long silence on the other end of the line. “Asteria Quinn.” He called me by my full name, which usually meant he was truly angry. “I thought you were understanding. I didn’t realize you could be so unreasonable.”