When You Were My Home

I've always been clingy. Even when I'm asleep, I like having someone close. However, I end up with Dylan Ladner, a man who seems completely incapable of affection. Everyone says we're all wrong for each other. What they don't know is that Dylan is even clingier than I am. Whenever I'm fast asleep, he drops the cold act and whispers in my ear, "Babe, you're so cute. Give me a kiss." I'm usually too sleepy to respond. Then one night, a nightmare startles me awake, and I hear him murmuring those same sweet words again. My heart softens, and I reach for him. That's when I notice the earbuds in his ears. He's on a call with someone else. I go completely still. I yank the cord out, and a woman's breathy voice fills the room. "Dylan, let me hear you pant for me, okay?" I know that voice. It's my younger sister, Julia Farwell. Chapter 1 I tightened my grip on the earbud cord and stared at Dylan Ladner in the dim light of his phone. He was always so cold and composed, but now his ears were flushed, and his eyes were still heavy with desire. He looked at me and smiled, almost as if he were relieved. "Two years, and you finally figured it out. Maybe this is for the best. I'm tired of waiting for you to fall asleep every night before I can call her." Then he held the phone to my ear. "Say hi to your sister." Julia Farwell's laughter came through the phone. "Hey, Ruth! Did you know Dylan and I bet every night on when you'd finally figure us out? "I kept losing, and every time I did, Dylan made me wear black stockings for him. But tonight, I finally won! So tell me, Ruth. How should I punish him?" Her delighted laughter cut right through me. Tears streamed down my face as I flung the cord at Dylan, my throat so tight I could barely get the words out. "How could you do this to me, Dylan?" He grabbed my wrist, his voice turning cold. "Stop making a scene, Ruth. We only talk online. Nothing has ever happened between us." Julia's voice came through the phone again. "Dylan's right. We're just online chat buddies! Whenever I get him worked up, he comes to you to finish what I started." The way she said it so casually killed the last bit of hope I'd been holding on to. For two years, Dylan had whispered sweet things in my ear night after night. Sometimes, when he got worked up, he'd pull me close and take things further. I thought I'd finally gotten through to him. I thought he'd finally softened toward me. But I had it all wrong. Julia was the one getting him worked up. She was stuck on the other side of a screen, and whenever she left him wanting more, he came to me instead. I shoved him away, my voice shaking. "Dylan, I'm breaking up with you." His grip tightened around my wrist. A second later, he let go like it didn't matter. "Fine. Then you can sleep alone tonight." There it was again, his usual threat. He knew I couldn't stand sleeping alone, and whenever we fought, he used that against me. And as pathetic as it was, I always gave in. I'd go back to him and beg him to forgive me. No sooner had Dylan finished speaking than rain started pounding against the windows, followed by a deafening crack of thunder. Still shaken from the nightmare, I jumped at the sound and burrowed under the covers. Dylan reached for me without thinking, but Julia's voice stopped him. "Dylan, I'm scared. Will you come stay with me? You know I live nearby. I don't want to keep talking through a screen anymore." I used to reach for Dylan whenever I was scared too. But this time, I bit my lip and forced myself not to. Dylan looked at me, huddled silently under the covers, and suddenly seemed annoyed. He pulled his hand back, got out of bed, and started getting dressed. Our dog, Teddy, paced anxiously in circles beside the bed, then poked his head under the covers. "Teddy…" I was just reaching for him when Dylan took his leash and led him away. Before he left, he tossed one last cruel remark at me. "We're broken up. I bought Teddy, so I'm taking him with me." Chapter 2 Dylan slammed the door behind him, and the sound made me flinch again. I curled tighter under the covers. He knew I was afraid of the dark, thunder, and sleeping alone. For six years, he had slept beside me with his arms around me, while Teddy curled up next to the bed. Whenever Dylan went away on business, Teddy would sleep on the bed with me instead. When Dylan came home, he'd complain about the dog hair and brush it off the sheets with an annoyed look on his face. But tonight, he left without a second thought, and he took Teddy with him. Teddy's whimpers faded farther and farther down the hall as the thunder outside kept crashing, each clap louder than the last. I pulled the covers tight around me and curled into a ball, my heart pounding as I drifted in and out of one nightmare after another. I dreamed I was five again, home alone while Mom and Dad were out. In the middle of the night, a stranger started pounding on the door. I cried and called Mom and Dad over and over, but neither of them answered. Then I was seven, sent away to live in the countryside. One night, while I was taking a bath alone, I looked up and saw someone leering at me through the window. When I was ten, Mom and Dad finally brought me home. I thought I'd finally get to sleep between Mom and Dad, but they pushed me away impatiently and told me not to take Julia's spot. I didn't know how long I'd been asleep when another nightmare jolted me awake. The storm had passed, but my pillow was soaked with tears. I reached for my phone and saw Julia's latest post with the caption, "After 730 days, we finally don't have to kiss through a screen anymore!" It was a nine-photo collage of her and Dylan all over each other. Their fingers were intertwined. Hickeys covered their collarbones, and two smeared handprints streaked the bathroom mirror. The tightness in my chest became almost unbearable. That was when I finally made up my mind. I went straight to campus and filed the paperwork to give up my placement in Harborwyn. "Ms. Upton, I'm not going to Harborwyn." My advisor, Ms. Upton, paused, sounding genuinely surprised. "Ruth, are you sure? Dylan leaves for Harborwyn in three days. You've always gone wherever he goes. What changed?" I gave her a faint, bitter smile. "Ms. Upton, you once told me I needed to stop being so clingy." Ms. Upton hesitated for a moment, then asked, "So where are you going instead?" "Montevia. I leave in three days." After saying goodbye to Ms. Upton, I walked off campus alone. For years, I'd given up what I wanted just to stay close to Dylan. In high school, I gave up the art program I'd always wanted and chose the science track because he did. When it was time for college, I chose a university I didn't even like just to be near him. When we applied to grad school, I gave up my plan to switch to art and stayed at the same university as him. And when Dylan decided to move to Harborwyn for work, I agreed to go with him without a second thought. But Harborwyn had never been where I wanted to go. This time, I wanted to make my own choice. On the way home, I bought two large storage bags. But when I got back, the door wouldn't open. I entered the code again and again, but the lock kept saying it was wrong. Then the door opened from the inside. Julia stood there in my pajamas and waved me in. "Dylan, Ruth's back. Fix her a plate!" Dylan immediately picked up a plate and served me some food, like it was the most normal thing in the world. I stood frozen in the doorway, my throat tightening as I watched him. Ever since we'd moved in together, I had been the one cooking every meal. Dylan had always acted like even fixing me a plate was too much to ask. But the moment Julia told him to do it, he did. The table was covered with greasy, spicy food, and the smell of chili made my eyes sting. I'd had a sensitive stomach since I was little, and spicy food always left me with a stomachache. But Julia loved it, so growing up, Mom and Dad always expected me to just deal with it. Whenever my stomach hurt, they said I was being dramatic and difficult. It wasn't until I started dating Dylan that I finally felt like I could say no to spicy food. Now, even that small freedom was gone. I didn't touch the food. I looked up at him instead. "Why did you change the passcode?" Dylan answered like it was no big deal. "The old one was too hard to remember, so I changed it to Julia's birthday. Once we move to Harborwyn, she's going to live here with Teddy." I gripped the hem of my shirt, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. "What did you just say? You're leaving Teddy with her and letting her move into our place?" Chapter 3 Dylan opened his mouth to explain, but Julia cut in first. "Ruth, don't blame Dylan. You're both moving to Harborwyn, and I'm scared to live by myself, so he offered to leave the dog with me. "I'll take good care of Buddy. And I'm only moving in here because it'll be easier on him to stay somewhere familiar." I stared at her, and the last of my restraint snapped. "His name isn't Buddy! It's Teddy. He's my dog!" Julia's eyes welled up immediately, and she looked down. "I'm sorry, Ruth. I got his name wrong. I didn't mean to." Dylan set his utensils down with a sharp clatter. "It's just a name. Do you really have to yell at Julia over that? I already gave Teddy to her. He's hers now, so she can call him whatever she wants." Hearing him take her side hurt more than I could put into words. My eyes burned with tears, and my voice caught, but I held firm. "Dylan, I'm not going to Harborwyn with you. You paid 700 dollars for Teddy when we got him. I'll pay you back, and I'm taking him with me. After that, we're done." As soon as I finished, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I rushed into the bathroom and cried as quietly as I could. I would never forget the day Dylan put that puppy in my arms. I'd been so happy I threw my arms around him, then immediately started thinking of names. Dylan had looked completely unimpressed, but he answered anyway, "Let's call him Teddy. He's just as clingy as you are." For the next three years, Teddy was part of our everyday life. His fur used to turn up everywhere, even on our bath towels. But now, there wasn't a trace of him left. I fought back another wave of tears and started packing my things, beginning with my toothbrush holder and towels. Their voices carried through the door, low but clear enough for me to make out every word. "Dylan, Ruth isn't really mad, is she? What if she actually breaks up with you and refuses to go to Harborwyn? I just wanted to live with you two. I wasn't trying to come between you!" Dylan scoffed. "Didn't you see the two bags she brought home? She obviously bought them to pack for Harborwyn. She's way too clingy to leave me. "I made her sleep alone last night, and she probably barely got through it. If she doesn't come with me, where else is she going to go?" As soon as he finished, I opened the door. Dylan glanced at the storage bags beside me, already starting to fill up. That only seemed to confirm what he believed. "See? She can't stay away from me. She's already packing." Then he held out a pair of earplugs. "Ruth, Julia and I only talk. Nothing has actually happened between us. Once we get to Harborwyn, I'm still going to fall asleep on the phone with her. If you don't want to hear it, wear these." I didn't take them. Dylan pulled me closer and dropped them into one of my bags. "Come on, Ruth. If there were really something going on between Julia and me, I would've taken her to Harborwyn with me a long time ago. But you're the one I want to go with. Doesn't that tell you anything?" Julia jumped in too. "Ruth, guys flirt online all the time. It's not a big deal. If you're worried Dylan can't control himself, I'll stop taking our chats that far. Then he won't keep waking you up in the middle of the night." They talked like they'd done nothing wrong, and by then, I was completely numb. When I finally spoke, my voice was calm. "Forget it. Just give me the passcode to your place. I'm going to get Teddy." Julia shook her head, looking uneasy. "Mom and Dad took him out for a walk. They're not back yet." My chest tightened, and my voice trembled as I confronted her. "You know Mom and Dad are allergic to animals. They even got rid of the hamster I used to have! How could you leave Teddy with them?" Julia explained, "Ruth, Mom and Dad aren't actually allergic. They just didn't want you to have pets, so they lied." My ears started ringing as a rush of heat shot to my head. Chapter 4 I'd always been clingy, but Mom and Dad had never stayed with me at night. When I was little, I saved my allowance for months to buy a hamster. With that tiny, warm body curled up in my hands, I finally stopped lying awake at night. Then Mom and Dad told me they were allergic to animals and made me give it away. I cried until I could barely breathe, but I thought keeping it could make them sick, so I gave it up anyway. I never got over it, and now Julia was telling me they had lied about the whole thing. Tears spilled down my cheeks. Just then, Mom and Dad came back, petting Teddy like they'd never been allergic to animals at all. They barely seemed to notice me before handing Julia the leash. "Julia, your dog is adorable. He's so friendly, even with strangers." All the anger I'd buried for years came rushing back. I snatched the leash from them. "Mom, Dad, why did you lie to me? You made me give away my hamster!" Only then did they seem to notice me, and they already looked annoyed. "What are you talking about? We don't remember that." Their answer crushed the last bit of hope I had left. They'd forgotten about it years ago. I was the only one still trapped in the helplessness I'd felt as a child. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed Teddy, rushed into the bedroom, and slammed the door behind me. All I could hear from the other side of the door was Mom and Dad scolding me. "Just ignore her. Let's eat. You must be Ruth's boyfriend, right? She's always been difficult." I crouched on the floor with Teddy in my arms. He seemed to sense I was falling apart, nuzzling my cheek and licking away my tears. A little while later, Julia opened the door and walked in. "Ruth, come eat." She closed the door behind her, leaned down, and whispered in my ear. "Ruth, you really think Dylan's taking you to Harborwyn? Face it. Mom and Dad never gave you any affection, and now you can't even keep Dylan." Then, without warning, she shoved me to the floor and dug her fingers into Teddy. Teddy instantly went on guard and scratched her leg, trying to protect me. The second everyone outside heard Teddy yelp in pain, they rushed into the room. All they saw was Julia clutching her bleeding leg, looking frightened and hurt. "Ruth, why did you make Teddy attack me? I know Mom and Dad always loved me more. I was wrong. Please, just stop hurting me." Mom and Dad immediately pulled Julia behind them. Then Dylan grabbed the baseball bat nearby and swung at Teddy without a second thought. "No!" I lunged at Dylan to stop him, but he shoved me away, and my back slammed into the table. "Ruth, I never thought you could be this cruel. You actually sicced your dog on your own sister." I choked out, "I didn't! She pushed me down first, and she dug her fingers into Teddy!" Before I could say another word, Mom slapped me across the face. "You're still lying! Julia would never do something like that. You've been tormenting her since you were kids. "You burned her badly enough to leave scars, stole her allowance, and tore up her exam admission ticket. You could spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to her, and it still wouldn't be enough!" Teddy was barely conscious, but when he saw me get hit, he still tried to push himself up on his weak legs and get between them and me. When Dylan raised the bat again, I panicked and begged him to stop. "Dylan, please! Don't hurt him! You're the one who gave him to me! I never bullied Julia. "She started every fight between us and twisted everything around to make me look like the one at fault. I told you all of this." Dylan didn't soften at all. He just looked at me coldly. "Ruth, stop acting like you're always the victim. We've been together for six years, and all I ever hear is how terrible Julia is and how your parents always take her side. "If I didn't know Julia myself, I might actually believe you. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're the problem? No wonder no one loves you." Then he bent down, picked Julia up, and rushed her to the hospital. Mom and Dad followed right behind him, still yelling at me as they left. The house went dead quiet, leaving just me and Teddy. I rushed him to the emergency vet, but his injuries were too severe, and they couldn't save him. The next day, Dylan came back alone to pack. He said coldly, "Your parents want the dog gone after what happened to Julia, and I agree. We're leaving for Harborwyn tomorrow anyway, and taking him with us would be a hassle. "Get rid of him, then come to the airport tomorrow and apologize to Julia. If you can't do that, don't bother getting on the plane." He slammed the door on his way out. I stayed on the couch, holding Teddy's ashes, and never once looked up. The following day, Dylan, Julia, Mom, and Dad waited at the airport, keeping an eye on the entrance. They expected me to show up like I always did and admit I was wrong. But I never came. A courier showed up instead, carrying a briefcase. "Where's Ruth?" Mom asked. The courier shook his head. "Ms. Farwell only asked me to deliver this briefcase to Dylan Ladner."