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From Now On, My Voice Is Mine
Novelix
Completed
Evelyn has always been self-conscious about her soft, delicate voice. When her boyfriend Julian and his best friend Sasha laugh at her while she dangles off a cliff, she finally realizes their three-year relationship is a joke. Silently, she signs an overseas transfer to Prague, ends the lease, and cuts off all contact. Julian only understands what he has lost when it is too late. By the time he finds her in Prague, she has become a confident woman who no longer needs him. A story about leaving behind those who hurt us.
Chapters (3)
第1章
I was born with a soft, delicate voice. Whenever I got emotional, it naturally turned even sweeter.
On the second day of the Fourth of July long weekend, my boyfriend, Julian, took me and his best friend, Sasha, hiking on an unmarked mountain trail.
When we reached a steep slope, my foot slipped, and half my body went over the edge.
My fingertips dug desperately into the rock.
"Julian, I can't hold on! Pull me up!"
I was trembling all over, my voice high and shaky with fear.
But no hand reached down to help me.
Instead, I heard strangers laughing and jeering from above.
"Quit acting! There's a meadow right below you. She's putting on that baby voice for attention!"
I looked down.
Sure enough, a thick stretch of grass covered the ground below.
At the edge of the cliff, Julian and Sasha were holding up their phones, laughing so hard they could barely stand.
"Hahaha! Jules, you owe me a thousand bucks! I told you—even if she was about to die, she still wouldn't drop that little-girl voice!"
Julian sent her the money through Venmo, still laughing.
"Fair is fair. Tonight's BBQ at the campsite is on me."
Then he looked down at me hanging off the cliff, his tone casual.
"You need to be more independent. And stop talking like that in public. It's embarrassing."
I let go.
My body dropped onto the meadow below.
My nails split, blood seeping from my fingertips.
In that moment, the past three years suddenly felt like one big joke.
I pulled out my phone and, with trembling fingers, sent my boss a message.
[Marcus, I'll take the three-year assignment in Prague.]
...
Julian made his way down the slope and tossed a bottle of antiseptic at my feet.
"Clean yourself up. There was obviously grass underneath you. You didn't have to scream like you were dying. People were laughing at you."
I pushed myself off the ground. Blood continued to bead along my fingers.
Julian glanced at my injuries and frowned.
"I checked the terrain. You couldn't have gotten seriously hurt. How did you manage to end up like this?"
Sasha followed behind him, still clutching the phone she'd used to record me. A flicker of guilt crossed her face.
"Evie, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be this bad."
She timidly held out a tissue.
Before I could take it, Julian pulled her behind him protectively.
"Come on, Evelyn. Be the bigger person. It was just a joke."
I stared at the tissue without reaching for it.
"Sasha's stomach hurts from laughing so hard. I'm taking her down first. You can take your time."
Julian supported Sasha as though his decision were the most natural thing in the world.
I looked down at my scraped, bleeding knees.
"There's no cell service here. I can't get a ride."
He casually wiped some dirt from my face and rubbed it onto his pants.
"Then walk to the main road. I'll come back for you."
"I can barely walk."
His steps paused, but he didn't turn around.
"Then wait here. I'll get Sasha settled and come back for you."
With that, he helped Sasha down the mountain.
I stood there, watching them disappear around a bend in the trail.
Wind swept across my scraped skin, making every wound burn.
Images from the past three years flooded my mind.
Whenever Sasha couldn't sleep, Julian would leave me alone with a fever and stay up all night gaming with her.
When Sasha moved, he canceled our anniversary dinner to help her assemble IKEA cabinets.
Again and again, I told myself he was simply loyal to his friends.
But today, at the edge of that cliff, he had turned my terror into entertainment and even bet money on it.
Something inside me, the part that had always made excuses for him, finally switched off.
Dragging my injured leg, I walked along the winding mountain road for more than an hour before I finally managed to call an Uber.
When I opened the door to our apartment, I found my pink slippers kicked into a corner by the entryway.
Barefoot, I went into the bathroom to clean my wounds and found the sink a mess.
My makeup wipes had been used until nothing remained but the empty package, and the trash can was overflowing with coffee-stained tissues.
Clearly, Julian had brought Sasha back here and used my things to clean up spilled coffee.
Normally, I would have texted him and demanded an explanation.
This time, I said nothing.
I turned on the faucet and rinsed the blood from my split nails. The pain went straight to the bone.
My phone vibrated on the sink.
A message from Julian.
[I took Sasha out to get something warm to eat. Order yourself some DoorDash.]
I didn't reply.
After bandaging my wounds, I opened my desk drawer and took out the overseas transfer application I had left untouched for a month.
Then I picked up a pen and signed my name on the applicant line.
Evelyn Sinclair.
第2章
At ten that night, Julian came home with Sasha, carrying a takeout box.
It was from the French bistro I used to love.
Julian set the box on the table.
"Sasha was worried you got scared today, so she waited in line for two hours to get this for you. Eat it while it's hot. And don't start sulking again."
I walked out of the bedroom and opened the container.
A strong, gamey smell hit me immediately.
Pan-fried beef liver with onions.
We had lived together for three years. He knew perfectly well that even the smell of organ meat made me nauseous.
I closed the lid again.
"I don't eat organ meat."
Sasha froze and scratched her head.
"Huh? Really? But the last time we all went out to eat, didn't you—"
"You remembered wrong."
Julian cut her off, his expression darkening.
He pushed the container toward me.
"Evelyn, she was trying to do something nice for you. Don't be ungrateful. If you won't eat it, then go hungry."
"Oh, Jules, don't get mad."
Sasha patted his shoulder, then casually speared a piece of liver with her fork and dropped it onto his plate.
"If Evie doesn't want it, we can split it. No point wasting food."
I turned around and went back into the bedroom.
The door didn't close completely, so every word from the living room carried inside.
"Why were you so mean to her? Now you're making me look like the bad guy."
Julian chuckled.
"If I don't keep her attitude in check, she'll start crying at me in that soft little voice again. Gives me a headache."
My hand froze on the suitcase.
Suddenly, I remembered the company Christmas party from the first year we were together.
Back then, several female coworkers had mocked me behind my back because of my voice. They said anyone who sounded like me had to be pretending to be cute just to manipulate men.
I had heard every word they said in the restroom.
I hid inside a stall and cried.
Julian had kicked open the restroom door and pulled me out.
In front of everyone, he wrapped his arms around me and kept comforting me.
"You have the prettiest voice I've ever heard."
"From now on, whenever you're scared, just call my name. I'll always be there."
Back then, he had been my only safe place.
Now he was the one leading the laughter.
I pulled out a large cardboard box and began folding my clothes from the closet into it, one piece at a time.
At some point, Julian appeared in the doorway.
He leaned against the frame with a glass of water in his hand, watching me with an expression that said he already knew exactly what I was doing.
Over the past three years, I had packed my bags twice because Sasha crossed the line.
Both times, all Julian had needed to do was soften his tone, hug me, and say, "You're the only one in my heart."
And I would lose the courage to leave.
So he was certain this time would be no different.
He walked over and wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"Come on. You've made your point. It's late. Stop making a scene."
I pulled away from him and shoved the last few sweaters into the box.
"I'm going to sleep. Please leave."
I quietly shut the closet door, walked past him, and climbed into bed.
Julian chuckled as if my protest were childish.
He turned off the light, closed the door, and left.
In the darkness, I opened the booking page for an international moving company.
The faint glow from the screen illuminated my calm face.
Not a single tear fell.
第3章
Early the next morning, HR notified me that I needed a comprehensive physical before my transfer to Prague.
Julian was still asleep, so I called a ride and went to the hospital alone.
By the time I finished the series of tests, it was already noon.
The doctor studied my ECG and chest X-ray with a serious expression.
"Your cardiopulmonary readings are abnormal. Prolonged anxiety and stress have already caused physical damage. You'll need medication and regular monitoring. Ideally, you should have a family member or friend accompany you for the follow-up."
Cold air swept through the hospital corridor.
Clutching the diagnosis in my hand, I still called Julian.
The phone rang for a long time before he answered.
In the background, I heard pool balls colliding and Sasha laughing.
"What?" Julian asked impatiently.
"I'm at Mercy General."
I tried to keep my voice steady.
"The doctor said there's something wrong with my heart and lungs. I need more tests. Can you come?"
There was silence for two seconds.
Then Julian gave a quiet laugh.
"Evelyn, did you seriously make up an excuse just to get me to come see you?"
"I'm busy. Sasha's upset, so I'm playing a couple rounds of pool with her to cheer her up."
I tightened my grip on the follow-up paperwork as pain flared through my injured nails again.
"Julian, I really am at the hospital..."
"Enough."
He cut me off impatiently.
"Be good. Don't ruin the mood."
Then he hung up.
I leaned against the wall and remembered a rainy night three years ago.
I had been running a fever of 103 degrees.
Julian had gone out in the pouring rain and searched three different pharmacies for medicine. He stayed awake all night, wiping me down to bring my temperature down.
After my fever finally broke, he kissed my forehead and promised me,
"No matter where I am, if you're sick, I'll come back to you immediately."
That promise had become a complete joke.
I shoved the paperwork into my bag, completed every follow-up test alone, picked up my medication, and went home.
By the time I returned to the apartment, the last trace of attachment I still felt for him had died with that phone call.
I pulled an oversized trash bag from the cabinet.
Into it went the photo of us from our trip to Maui.
Then all the cheap stuffed animals he had given me, some of them still with their tags attached.
Finally, I slipped the promise ring I had worn for three years from my finger and dropped it deep into the bag without a trace of emotion.
After erasing every trace of myself from the apartment, I carried two bags toward the entryway.
Julian happened to come home to grab some documents for a meeting.
When he saw how different the apartment looked, he assumed I was throwing another tantrum to force him to give in.
He lit a cigarette.
"There's a limit to how far you should take this. If you really move out, don't come crying tomorrow and beg me to pick you up. I won't have time to comfort you."
I couldn't be bothered to argue.
When he reached the door with his documents, I spoke quietly.
"Don't worry. I'm never coming back."
