Done with the Hide and Seek

At my wedding rehearsal, the officiant asked for the third time for us to exchange rings. My best friend, Stacy Campbell, stood beside me as the maid of honor, looking impish. "The treasure hunt game's started. Guess where the ring's hidden?" My fiance, Jeremy Dean, let out a helpless laugh and started guessing hiding spots. I was the only one staring at the empty box, sweat breaking out across my forehead. It was starting again. This so-called treasure hunt game. When we were kids, Stacy hid my scarf in the boiler room while Jeremy kept watch for her. I searched for four hours and finally dug the scorched corner of it out of a pile of ash. Right before the SATs, my admission ticket got hidden in a doghouse. I got down on my knees to dig through it while Stacy filmed the whole thing and posted it to our class group chat, laughing at how frantic and pathetic I looked. I used to think if I just endured it, I'd eventually grow numb to it. But looking at it now, they only ever got worse. My voice shook. "Can we not do this anymore?" Jeremy frowned. "Connie, it's just a game." Stacy pouted. "Exactly. You always do this. You're such a killjoy." The two of them laughed like no one else was in the room, chatting about what to eat for dinner without a single word about where the ring actually was. Watching the two of them, so at ease with each other, I took off my veil. I didn't want to find the ring anymore. And I didn't need to get married anymore, either. Chapter 1 I threw the veil into Jeremy Dean's arms. "Cancel the wedding. There'll be no wedding the day after tomorrow." He froze, like he hadn't understood me. Stacy Campbell laughed first. "Can't take a joke again?" I ignored them both and turned to walk out. Jeremy took a couple of steps after me, but Stacy grabbed his arm. "Connie's throwing a tantrum. You want to go up there and get yelled at? Come help me pick a manicure for the day after tomorrow instead!" Jeremy actually stopped. He fell right into a conversation with her about nail designs. I laughed at myself and kept walking. On the way out, I read the message my manager had sent me. [Connie, a three-year training placement abroad doesn't come along often. Are you sure you don't want to think it over again?] Back when Jeremy first started his company, he had no money to hire anyone. I'd worked for his startup for free after my own shifts, pouring in nearly all my time and energy. Not long ago, when my manager first offered me this opportunity, I'd turned it down without a second thought. Now I typed out a few words without hesitating. [Yes. I'll go.] At home, I canceled the wedding that was supposed to happen the day after tomorrow. I bought a plane ticket for the next night and started packing. A necklace sat on the nightstand. Jeremy had bought it abroad as an apology after the two of them hid my flash drive and made me miss a promotion review. I'd never once worn it. Stacy had worn it for a month, gotten bored of it, and given it back. I picked it up and threw it in the trash. When Jeremy came home and saw the suitcase on the floor, his face changed. "Connie, what is this?" I kept packing my documents. When I didn't answer, he grabbed my hand. "All this over a game? You're turning a wedding into a joke. How old are you, three?" His brow was furrowed, his eyes heavy with impatience. Exactly the same as always. The first time we ever played the treasure hunt game, Stacy hid my backpack in the school's abandoned swimming pool. I searched the whole afternoon and only found it after dark, soaked, at the bottom of the pool. I lifted it up, thrilled, and Stacy said, almost sorry, that I'd taken too long. Jeremy complained I was too slow. I'd transferred schools and was too shy to make friends on my own, so no one wanted to play with me. Stacy was the first one to talk to me, and Jeremy was the first one to help me with a problem set. So I went along with it, gladly. But the more they played, the more they got hooked, and the worse it got. I did push back, once. I said, carefully, that I wanted to be the one hiding things for a change. Stacy pursed her lips and went quiet. Jeremy watched her pick at her dinner, his gaze turning cold, and he didn't speak to me for a full week. In the end, I couldn't stand it. I caved first, made peace, took over cooking for the two of them for a week, said yes to everything they asked. Ten minutes before study hall, Stacy said she wanted a milkshake from the stand that was popular by the school gate. I gritted my teeth and snuck out to get it, and got caught and chewed out by our teacher. Only then did Stacy smile and let me off the hook, and only then did Jeremy's eyes soften toward me again. "Three?" I repeated the word, and almost laughed. "This time, I don't want to find it. The wedding's off. Let's break up." He looked like he'd just heard a bad joke. "The wedding is the day after tomorrow. The invitations are already out, and you're telling me you want to break up?" He started to say something else, but Stacy came bouncing in. The impatience in Jeremy's eyes vanished instantly, and he gently took the bag from her hands. "You're a grown woman. Act like it." Stacy's eyes curved into crescents, and she made a face. "Connie, is it really that big a deal?" She waved the ring on her finger in front of me. "Look, I've got the ring right here. I was going to wait until you two were really worried and surprise you with it." She tried to slide it off, but it was stuck. Jeremy couldn't watch anymore. "Forget it, just keep the ring," he said, feigning annoyance. "I'll buy another one." His mouth complained about what a hassle Stacy was, but his eyes were bright with an obvious smile. I'd redesigned that ring more than a dozen times, and had it specially made abroad through a friend. The inside of the band was engraved with our initials, mine and Jeremy's. The wedding was in two days, and Jeremy was already handing it off to someone else like it was nothing. I looked at the men's ring on his hand and thought, absurdly, that the two of them actually suited each other. I lowered my head and said quietly, "Don't bother." Chapter 2 Jeremy thought I'd finally come around. His tense shoulders relaxed, and he reached over and ruffled my hair. I felt the warmth of his palm and my throat went dry. "I canceled the wedding." Chasing after Jeremy alone, on my own, for all these years had worn me out completely. When it came time to pick a college major, I'd given up on my own dream because of one line from him: "The three of us from Fort Haven can't be split up." After graduation, I'd turned down more than one promotion just to spend time with him while he built his company. But he'd never once stayed for me. The thought sent a sharp ache through my nose and a dull throb through my chest. I kept my head down, tears pooling in my eyes. Finally, I couldn't help but ask, quietly, "Jeremy, do you actually like me?" No one answered for a long moment. I looked up. There was no one in front of me. Stacy was sitting on the carpet, relaxed, playing the game console Jeremy never let me touch. Jeremy stood beside her, laughing, calling out moves. Whenever I was around, all he ever said was that I was clumsy and would drag his rank down. But right now, the console kept chiming with the sound of failed rounds, over and over, while Jeremy rubbed Stacy's shoulders one moment and her wrist the next, worried she might be upset about losing. I felt a little dazed and pushed the ache in my eyes back down. It didn't matter anymore. I'd be gone by tomorrow night. After dinner, Jeremy drove Stacy home. I kept packing. The next morning, Jeremy didn't come back until late. The moment he walked in, he said, "Remember to move Stacy's seat to the head table for the wedding." I didn't quite follow, so he kept going. "She said she wants to wear a bride's dress similar to yours. The one she tried on last time. She really liked it." I couldn't help but laugh. "The bridesmaid's going to be dressed up more than the bride?" Jeremy frowned. "Does it really matter that much to you?" Did it, though? At the dress fitting, Stacy had insisted on tagging along. She'd walked in arm in arm with Jeremy, and the staff had mistaken her for the bride on sight. She kept saying she didn't want to steal my spotlight, all while trying on a dozen bridesmaid gowns and liking none of them. In the end, she'd picked one even more elaborate than my own dress. Before I could say a word, Jeremy had already swiped his card, cheerfully, and told me, like it was the most natural thing in the world, "Stacy's had a rough few days. Think of it as a gift for her." The look the staff gave me made it hard to hold my head up, and in the end, it was Stacy who took the dress off and said she'd only been joking. I'd been so touched I'd thrown in even more gifts for her welcome basket. Looking back on it now, it was almost funny. There was nothing Stacy wanted that Jeremy wouldn't give her, even if she'd only said it as a joke. I snapped back to the present and asked him, "Didn't you get any calls last night?" The wedding planner should have already tried to reach him. "My phone was off." He assumed I was checking up on him and got defensive. "I just crashed at her place because it got too late. Nothing happened! What are you even thinking?" What was I thinking, indeed. Stacy's apartment was a studio. There was only one bed in it, not even a couch. I sighed and decided I didn't want to say anything else. Seeing my silence, Jeremy's tone softened. "Connie, come on. Don't be like this. It's the wedding tomorrow. Can't we just be good, please?" I didn't answer. I got up and went to the kitchen for water. He followed and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "I know you've been in a mood these last couple of days. After the wedding, I'll take you to the beach, okay?" I pried his hands off me. "I need to go into the office." "It's Saturday. You're working?" I needed to hand off my responsibilities, but I didn't feel like explaining that to him anymore. Chapter 3 At the office, my manager slid a form across the desk and told me to fill in all my personal information today, since the system would close down for the night. I opened the folder and found the most important document missing. I went cold all over and tore my desk apart, but it wasn't there. I'd filled out that application eight times, gotten it signed by senior leadership, and stamped with an official seal. Redoing it now was out of the question. I rushed home and searched everywhere I could think of. Nothing. I sank to the floor, sweat running down my forehead. Something occurred to me. I pulled out my phone, my fingers trembling. "Stacy, did you hide one of my documents?" Her voice was all innocence. "Yep. It's the treasure hunt game. Go find it!" I lurched to my feet, my vision going dark at the edges. Jeremy walked in and saw the mess. "What happened?" "Stacy hid an important document of mine!" Jeremy looked at the sweat on my forehead and frowned, then started helping me search. Half an hour later, I was ready to break down, fistfuls of my own hair in my hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him only pretending to look, one hand busy texting Stacy the whole time. I gritted my teeth. So he hadn't actually been searching at all. He'd just been stalling. I stood up and shouted, "Enough! I give up. Where is it?" Jeremy's face turned serious. "Stacy, quit playing around and give it back to her." "No," Stacy said, pouting. "Not unless she begs me." Jeremy handed me his phone, his eyes telling me what to do. I took it and stayed silent for a long moment. For one instant, I genuinely wanted to say I didn't need it back. In the end, I closed my eyes, and the tears came. "Please. Please just tell me." It wasn't hurt driving it. It was fury. I couldn't understand why Stacy needed to torment me like this. In this friendship, I was always the one underneath, always the one who backed down, who sacrificed herself to keep the other happy. And no matter what I did, it was never enough for her. Her laugh came through the phone, easy and light. "Fine, fine. Since you're so pathetic, I'll take pity on you. It's behind the washing machine on your balcony." I dropped the phone and bolted for the balcony. Jeremy called after me, "See, Stacy wouldn't actually hurt you. It's just a joke!" I ignored him, grabbed the document, and rushed to the office. That night, when I got home, the apartment was empty. I was getting ready to head to the airport when my phone rang. It was one of Jeremy's friends. "Connie, Jeremy's had way too much to drink; you need to come get him!" I'd been on edge all day. My voice came out flat with exhaustion. "I'm not coming." "Come on, Connie, he's in a good mood tonight and had one too many. I'm worried something'll happen. Just come by, okay?" Loud music blared through the phone. I stayed quiet for a long moment. If I brought him home safe, that would be the end of this relationship, as far as I was concerned. "Send me the address." At the bar, I pushed open the door to the private room. Jeremy sat in the middle of the couch, Stacy pressed against his side holding a drink. Both their faces were flushed, and the people around them were egging them on to drink from linked glasses. The room went quiet the moment they saw me. Jeremy's friends shot each other frantic looks, trying to signal the two on the couch. Jeremy was too far gone to react. Stacy was slumped against him, barely able to get her words out. "Drink up..." A few people mumbled, unsure how to explain themselves to me. Todd Cohen, the one who'd called me, steeled himself and stepped forward. "Connie, they're both drunk..." I walked past him, calm, and pulled Jeremy to his feet. He came over to help. "Connie, I'll call you a cab." "No need." I half dragged, half carried Jeremy out of the room and shoved him into a taxi. On the way out, I realized he'd left his phone inside. I turned back to get it, and he grabbed my wrist from behind and pressed a kiss against my cheek. "Connie, I'm so happy. I'm finally going to marry you..." I froze for a second, then pulled free and kept walking. Before I reached the door, voices drifted out from inside. "I really don't get what Jeremy sees in Connie. She's so boring." "I heard Stacy was seeing someone else back in college, and Jeremy only confessed to Connie out of spite." "Seriously?" "Seriously, I heard it from Jeremy. He said he couldn't have Stacy anyway, so he settled for someone close enough." My hand froze in midair. "Stacy mentioned once, just offhand, that she wanted to know what it felt like to be a bride. And Jeremy went and threw her an entire wedding abroad, just like that." Chapter 4 It suddenly hit me. Last week, on my birthday, Jeremy had vanished for an entire day, his phone off and his messages unanswered. Stacy had disappeared for the same day, for no reason anyone could explain. The next day, he'd said the company had him working late. He'd actually been abroad, throwing Stacy a wedding. I laughed softly to myself. It really was pointless. I turned and got in the car. Jeremy clung to me and wouldn't let go. He leaned against my shoulder and murmured, "Connie..." I thought he was calling for me. "Water." He wasn't calling for me at all. He was just thirsty. Back at the apartment, I dumped him on the bed. He reached for my hand, and I pulled away. He came to a little, pulled a velvet box out of his pocket. "Connie, open it and look. That sketch you drew back in college." A trace of a smile surfaced in his eyes. "It took some real effort to track that drawing down, and then I had someone rush-order it custom-made. You even said whoever married you had to use a ring like this, or you wouldn't marry them at all..." His voice carried a hint of a sulk. I went a little blank. I didn't even remember saying that myself. There'd been a time when Jeremy kept every single thing I said close to his heart. Then Stacy started complaining that we were leaving her out, and Jeremy had slowly started keeping his distance from me in front of her, until he genuinely forgot. Seeing me stay quiet, he held the box out. "Try it on?" My fingertips trembled a little. For one moment, it felt like we were back at the start, when we'd first fallen for each other. My hand moved before my mind caught up, and I opened the box on reflex. It was empty. Jeremy blinked, then laughed it off, helpless. "Stacy must've hidden it again. She's really..." He didn't finish the thought. "Let's just skip the ring tomorrow. It's only a formality anyway." Something in me finally laughed. I nodded. No ring. No wedding either, then. "Don't go throwing tantrums on me anymore. Even if you can't cut me some slack, at least think about Stacy." His voice trailed off smaller and smaller until he rolled over and went back to sleep. I took a deep breath and set the empty box down on the nightstand. I took one last look at the apartment I'd lived in for two years. Stacy's stuffed animal on the couch. Her favorite mug in the kitchen. Her toothbrush in the bathroom. There were traces of her everywhere. I should have left a long time ago. I picked up my suitcase and headed for the airport. Once my phone was off, I boarded the plane. The next morning, when the plane landed, I turned my phone back on. It buzzed instantly, flooding with hundreds of messages. "Connie! Where the hell are you?!"